Wednesday, 20 February 2019

Are we ever good enough? |

Hello there,
Today I want to touch on something I think I have to stay quiet on. The feeling of never being good enough is strong with me lately. Apparently I always make something out of nothing and that was the point when I said nope. No one. No matter who you are, no one gets to say that to me.



People never see what goes on in the inner workings of your brain. We live in a society that still just judges on what they can see without all the facts. For a while I have started to maybe think that maybe I am good enough. That feeling was stripped from my soul the minute that was said. 

I know I take things to heart and that is not a bad trait, in my opinion it just means I care a damn lot more. Right now in my life I am juggling my time between two families, a job that is mentally killing me, keeping secrets about the tiniest things because I'm not allowed to tell someone which seems so ridiculous. Im trying to work out just whats wrong with me whilst constantly trying to make sure everyone else is okay. I am tired of doing it. No one gives a shit if I'm not okay, it then get turned into something else and I am made to feel bad for having a down day.

This is me, I am all of the following and if you cant accept that, well maybe its time for us to drift apart.....
I am loud.
I am outspoken.
I am quiet when I need to be.
I overthink.
I am fat.
I am messy.
I am struggling and always will be.
I wont ever be ordinary.
I have goals that are so far out of my reach.
I am a realist.
I am scared for my future.
I can be the kindest person ever but cross me once and I'm done.
I look like I'm an easy target but you dont want to see what I can do.
I still believe in love even though most people have proved its all nonsense.
I am fragile.
I am tired or trying.

Lately I feel so unloved by people and its crushing. It honestly is. I love to hard and that is something that I know isnt a good thing for me. If I'm not good enough then thats okay. I just want everyone to know that you shouldn't be worrying about this. One day someone is gonna come along and love you for al the reasons you dont love yourself. Right now I'm having a conflict in my brain and it hurts. I want so desperately to be good enough but I just feel like I wont ever be. 


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