Wednesday, 21 November 2018

Need To Knows Of Me |

Hello there, 
It's become very apparent that some people just cannot read me very well. That's not a bad thing at all as I am one of the hardest people to read. I thought it would be a helpful to do a little how to of me. Granted no one I know reads this but in the rare case they do, prepare yourself for a little lesson in me. The many quirks and stresses my brain will go through on a day to day basis. Now even though I have never been assessed, when i was younger everyone thought I had Aspergers which is on the autistic spectrum. The school I was at were just never concerned enough to let me get tested.

These are the traits of someone with aspergers syndrome:
Lack of social awareness
Lack of interest in socialising/making friends
Difficulty making and sustaining friendships
Inability to infer the thoughts, feelings, or emotions of others
Either gazing too intently or avoiding eye contact
Lack of changing facial expression, or use of exaggerated facial expressions
Lack of use or comprehension of gestures
Inability to perceive nonverbal cues or communications
Failure to respect interpersonal boundaries
Unusually sensitive to noises, touch, odours, tastes, or visual stimuli
Inflexibility and over-adherence to or dependence on routines
Stereotypical and repetitive motor patterns such as hand flapping or arm waving.

Now I don't have all of these but I find it extremely hard in social situations. I feel like because I don't talk about it people just think I'm rude, I can be but that's just my personality. The only people that really know about this part of me are chummy and charlie. 

I find it very hard to make small talk, I don't like to surround myself with loads of people, hence why I only really have a few friends. Anymore would stress me the hell out. If you talk to me you will notice I try not to keep eye contact because for me, it makes me feel very uncomfortably. The only person I can give full eye contact to is charlie but that's just because I get a little lost in his big brown eyes. 

I can be very full on, go over the boundary level which means i struggle to maintain a lot of friendships, I think this is why me and chummy argue quite a bit. Sorry about that. I really don't like a lot of noise, not like loud music, I can hack that. I just hate being in situations where there's so many noises all at once, family occasions stress me out because of this. There's to many noises that my brain really cant focus and it panics me a little. 

I am the most time precise person there is. I hate the idea of being late. Routine is like my best friend and if I'm out of routine it really stresses me out. Ive had to learn with charlie that time isn't his strong point, saying that, he has got so much better with it. If I have plans and they change suddenly I will become very quiet because my brain knew what was happening or would happen, then when its all changed I don't know how to act.

I know I'm a lot to handle, my emotions get the better of me and I will always have to think of the end picture. Its just how I am. I have to plan every eventuality. The other day I turned to charlie and went what will I do when you're gone, he looked confused but I explained and just simply said "When were old and grey, if you died id be on my eon, Then the life we'd built together would be over and I'd be so lost". Yes I'm that forward thinking, I cant help it and sometimes I think some people find it off.

Why did I decide that now was the time to talk to you all about this? Well I'm fascinated by Anne on I'm a celebrity, she's addressee it and I feel its got people talking and its something we don't talk about enough in my opinion.

That's all from me,
Caio for now xxx