Tuesday, 2 January 2018

Fresh Start | A New Daydreamer

Hello there,
Last year I let this blog slip. When I say slip, I mean I let it fade away into something I was no longer proud to say I owned. This year however I want it to be new. I want it to be a re-invention. I'll do a summary of last year for you in a second but the eagle eyed viewers may have noticed some of my content has disappeared. Yep, its gone. Well it's in my drafts but it won't be returning to your screens

I had this conversation with Charlie and he understood where I was coming from. If you compare my life from the first half of the year to the last three months, I'm a completely different woman. I've been back through my tweets and I've deleted quite a lot, its not about deleting my past. It's about starting fresh, bringing professional daydreamer back to what it used to be. I used to be so proud of the world I had created and I am deeply sorry that I used it as a way to spread my own un-happiness.

Today's been a bit of a day of reflection. Life's been drastic this past year. I've lost what I thought I wanted, but I gained the love of my life. It makes everything else seem unimportant. The silly dates and shit that went wrong. It all went wrong for a reason. The reason? The man that's got his arm around me while I'm sat in his sisters lounge having some full on family time and seeing in the new year with people I now adore. Life seems pretty sweet right now, I'm being immersed in family time and I love it, I mean I feel guilty about it. It seems like me becoming part of another family means I'm doing something wrong, how though? I'm running around playing with all the toys the boys got from Santa, there used to me and I love that they're asking me to play with them and showing me things.. He's grounded me. He's made me realise that life is worth so much more. I love him with everything I have and I now can't imagine my life without him.

Friendships have maybe been a little strained this year. I feel like I've lost one but I'm sure he'll come back soon. Chummy is still here and I'm so happy with that. We don't get to see each other a lot now days and that makes me sad. I guess we both just have busy lives. Her life more busy than mine. I'm fully aware I've maybe neglecting her a lot lately. I feel awful. I guess I don't want to bug her, I'm aware I'm very full on and I get she's got her own life. I'm stuck between do I want to always be nagging her or just be here when she needs me. I'm a bit lost right now on what to do. I feel like all I'm doing is hurting her, maybe she'd be better off if I just kept out of her life. I think that I just need to take a step back. If she wants me I'm here but she needs to live her own life, one that I feel I'm getting in the way of. It'll be my greatest loss but I think it might be best for her. I'm done with hurting people and dragging them down.

Family life actually seems pretty good right now. Last year was pretty trying for our family, stuff came out that never needed to be shared. Many tears were shed and it was a tough year for me. This year my aim is to focus on my family a hell of a lot more. The family I have and the family I'm becoming part of are all so perfect, I need to make more time for all of that this year.

Work? Well works very worky. Yes worky is now a new word in the professional daydreamers book of made up words. I want to transfer to another store I think. It just seems like none of us get on anymore and it's just causing a lot of stress that doesn't need to be there.

My aims for the year?
Well my aims this year are to be okay. Not happy because for me that's pressure and if I'm not I feel like I've failed. I'll settle for okay and anything else is a bonus. I want to make more time for the ones I love. The tail end of last year I was so happy but mentally struggling. I didn't tell a soul and I'd just been bottling stuff up, I needed to talk but didn't want to burden anyone anymore. I also want to explore and have fun, make memories and just make sure that I make the most out of this year.

The past is finally being left there. Yes it's tough but there's a great big beautiful tomorrow so that's my focus now ☺️.

Well thats all from me today, I'll see you soon for another post. Lets make 2018 the best year so far.

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