Tuesday, 25 December 2018

Blogmas Day 25 | We made it

Hello there,
WE DID IT!!! Considering this year I have really let the blog slide, I like to think I've done well. Granted I did schedule the posts but fitting this in around a hectic full time job, well I'm gonna give myself a pat on the back.



When I've actually had time to write its been so nice to get back to one of the things I love the most. Lately I've let my day job get in the way. I have thoroughly enjoyed these little festive posts and I'm not going to promise big things next year, I'm going to promise to me a little more present. In every aspect of my life. This year has taught me the importance of family, friends and little things.

What have been some of your highlights this year? For me the highlight of this year was realising that even though the future scares me, the unknown can be magical. Charlie has treated me like a princess and taken me to my favourite place, he thought of everything and I think that shocked me a little bit. He is full of surprises and hes taught me to be a little less stressy. Granted I still over-think everything but I'm less stressy about it.

All I have left to say is enjoy the day, whether you celebrate Christmas or not, just enjoy some time doing what you love the most. Have fun guys.

Ciao for now xxx

Monday, 24 December 2018

Blogmas Day 24 | T'was the night before christmas

Hello there,
When you're reading this, I will be two and a half hours into my shift. Yep that's right. The is being uploaded at 7:30 and I start at 5am. I just know I'm going to be shattered by the time I get out of work today. So I'm just going to tell you a little bit about my thoughts on blogmas, how I've found the run up to Christmas and what my plans are tonight.


So after an awful start of about 4am, I'm planning to finish work, head home and grab my stuff. I'm pretty sure I'm going to charlies for Christmas eve and I honestly cant wait. I did the boys and their little friends a little Christmas eve box and I cant wait to pop round and give them to them.

Now I plan on having a cosy film night where we are planning to watch Muppet's Christmas carol, die hard and just eat soooooooo much food. Realistically I would love to stay round but I know it will be too hectic the next day.

I have enjoyed blogmas this year, It's been nice to get back into the swing of it and just get back to me a little bit. I really want to start up the writing a lot more but I think I also really want to incorporate videos again as well.

Well all I will say is I will see you for one final post tomorrow for 2018. See you tomorrow for blogmas day 25.

Ciao for now xxx

Thursday, 13 December 2018

Blogmas Day 13 | Im So Tired

Hello there,
Now as you all know, I work a pretty boring and hectic retail job. I can safely say I am well and truly tired of it and I'm really not feeling like me. If I'm honest I think I need to tell you all exactly how I feel because I think this is the only save i can admit how I truly am coping without worrying family or friends.



I am not myself. In any way shape or form. I come home and I feel so alone. When I'm cuddled up with charlie my mind is always so far away. Its like I cant get to him even when he's so close to me. I cant tell him what I'm feeling because I know he will just worry. Truth be told, I have new scars. Deeper than the last. I can't seem to stop anymore. It's the only think that makes me feel like the pain in my head is going somewhere. I'm in a cycle and I can't break it. Some may question why I choose to share this here. Well, that's simple. You all got me through this last time. When all hope was lost sharing it just helped.

This is never a good time of year. Every year I question just what I have actually done to be proud of. Each year I can't think of a single thing. I have a man that adores me and it kills me that I have to try and keep this from him. He doesn't need to know this. He knows but he doesn't know the ins and outs. We tell each other everything but I have to protect him from this. I am not quite sure what to do anymore. I'm trying so hard to keep busy and not use this way of coping. It's harder than people thing. It becomes a safety net. I know it helps. Well it never helps and should never be an option but I just can't help it. I feel so alone. I feel like there's no one around me. Friends and family don't need this burden. All I want to do is hide away in bed. I want to just spend my days in darkness and not talk. I just want to feel okay.

I know it will pass. It always does. I'm just not coping and I think I can finally accept that. I need help but I'm too damn scared to ask. If I'm honest I know the one person who always knows what to say. I can't burden chummy with this right now. I just hope that this passes soon because the dark clouds aren't fun right now. I want the rain to come and the sun to shine again.

Anyway that's it for me today. I might be back with a more cheery post tomorrow but meh..


Ciao for now xxx

Wednesday, 12 December 2018

Blogmas Day 12 | Favourite things about christmas

Hello there,
Today I wanted to tell you all my top ten things about the festive period. I hope you like this little look into my favourite things and please comment some of yours.


Decorations 
I love seeing all the cute little decorations everywhere. I just think they make everything so beautiful and I just love seeing all the lights and trees. Everything just sparkles this time of year and it is simply one of my favourite things.

Pigs in blankets 
Hands down my favourite part of the festive season. There is nothing I love more and little sausages wrapped in bacon. I could eat these non stop if I'm honest and I would happily forfeit all other food for them.

Cosy nights 
In this weather there's nothing better than getting all cosy in bed and watch a good film with someone. Now I will admit that all the cosy nights me and Charlie have had, well they just end with me falling asleep on him. If I'm honest I don't think he minds. When I'm asleep I'm not moaning so that's a good thing for him.

Flake cakes
Cadburys bring out tiny little cakes with mini flakes on and I only ever find them at Christmas. I love them and I could eat them alllllllll day long. 

Christmas bakes
If and when I actually get the time. I love getting my baking stuff out and making a nice little cake. I love baking gingerbread this time of year and I make a pretty good Christmas gingerbread cake as well. If I could then I would love to get baking this year. Alas I don't think I will have time around work.

Well that's all for me today.

Ciao for now xxx



Tuesday, 11 December 2018

Blogmas Day 11 | New Years goals

Hello there,
With new year looming in the background, I thought it would be a good time to share my new year goals with you. No doubt these will be the same as last year but I hope at some point I will actually achieve my goals.


Work
As per usual the aim is to get a new job. No doubt I will still be stuck in the hell hole I call work. I'm hoping that I can maybe get a job at the place that is opening up near where I currently work but that means securing an interview around my current work schedule.

Weight
Weight is always on the list for me. I just want to be able to lose enough weight that means I am slightly more comfortable for when me and monkey go to Disney world in March. A few stone would be nice but at the minute I just seem to be piling it on even when I'm barely eating and constantly on the go.

Happiness
My over all happiness has been up and down a lot this year. Its just finding the balance for me and I am really hoping I can try and find more ways to stay positive this year. I am trying to find new ways to relax so any little tips you have would be much appreciated.

Relationship
My relationship is pretty good right now. I'm spending a lot of time with the man that I adore and I cant wait to see what next year brings. With any luck we will be making moves to get out own place, or at least make more of an effort to start saving for our own little home.

Home life
Being more present at home, well both my homes would be nice for next year. Charlies house is like a second home to me and I want to make more of an effort to be more present at home and at charlies. It's hard to fit in both families at the minute as I feel like we shouldn't really mix them. I just worry my family is to boring for Charlies. Next year I want to make a lot more plans with the ones I love.

Well that's it for me then.

Ciao for now xxx


Monday, 10 December 2018

Blogmas Day 10 | Retail at christmas

Hello there,
Retail at Christmas. I do this post every year but this year it's at its worst. I'm going to give you a little insight into the environment I am working in on the run up to Christmas. I'm hoping this could change how you view retail workers and just be a little more patient with us. 


Sooooooo where on earth do I begin. How about the fact my department is so understaffed that when people went sick, a few weeks ago I had to run the department on three people. I work in a cafe that seats about 200 people. All day we both barely any help and it was hell. I never quit. I will cry and get myself into such a state but I will never quit. We had an hours wait, no staff and every customer screaming at us. I get that its frustrating but they all knew there would be a long wait and there were only three of us. How is it my fault I was given no staff. 

At Christmas I swear everyone becomes enraged at the smallest things. If I have to go on the shop floor o get something they surrounding you expecting you to know where something is. My hat says cafe, how on earth do I know which isle five spice is in. They are demanding and I think customers actually see us a nothing more than dirt. No pleases, no thank yous. If you see staff in shops getting wound up I can assure you it is because they are working all the hours under the sun, with very little breaks and no help. 

Everyone is always in such a rush, I get that but there is no need to treat the staff in the place you are like absolute filth. I just think everyone should be a little more understanding. Yes you may be an office worker and whatever but how would you like it if someone came up to you, shouting at you for something that is out of your control. They shout telling you to work harder when you have already done a nine hour day with no break. They demand the world when you are struggling with no help. How would you feel? 

For us retail workers Christmas is something we dread. Just please bare in mind that the frazzled girl you see running around is trying her best. The man you're shouting at because something isn't there is not the one to blame for an item being out of stock. We are trying our best in a place that doesn't help us. We are physically drained and if not physically then we are mentally struggling. Please just be a little kinder to us this year.

Well that's all from me. This was hard to write without naming names and really getting myself into trouble.

Ciao for now xxx


Sunday, 9 December 2018

Blogmas Day 9 | Meh

Hello there,
Now this time of year is always a hard one for me, well for my family. This year its twenty one years without nan. Some would say I have no right to be sad, I was a baby when she died but I still have so much love for her. 



I like to think with my mum and my aunt I have all the best parts of my nan. I think that's why I have such a good relationship with my aunt. She sort of took on the role of aunt and nanny and shes done a cracking job. Every year around this time the day hangs over me and I just feel really sad. I know I sort of don't have the right but then I get my head full of what ifs.

If she was still here, do you think she would be proud of me? I have nothing to be proud of, I work a shitty job that has me on the verge of a mental breakdown most days. I have scars that will stay with me forever because sometimes I can't cope. I have taken a path away from my family and I think that's the scariest thing ever. I have strayed from a path that was set for me. I have gone to find my own way and even though I am still very close with my family, I think the idea scares me.

What would she make of Charlie? Would she have the love for him my family do. Would she find him funny? I think I know that if she was still here if me and had has a little tiff, I know I could go to her and just vent about it. She'd make me see sense. I think what hurts the most is the fact that to me I have the memories of everyone else to keep this amazing woman alive in my mind. I don't have any memories to remember her by. I have one picture of us. One. One small snap of the fact she was real and she looks so full of love for little baby me.

I miss her more now that I have ever done before. I think its because as I'm thinking about starting my own family, well I'm scared I won't live up to her and my mum and aunts high standard's of parenting. When I have a baby I want to be the strong woman that have set the best example's for me over the years. I guess I sort of know I'm not strong enough. I know if she was here shes soon get that out of my head. I have spent my life with strong women supporting me and now I'm really leading my own path it just dwells on me that I don't think I can do it all alone. 

So here's to the most wonderful woman. The woman I have heard so many stories about. The women that my mum and aunt keep alive with there funny memories, picture's and stories of. If I can be half the woman she was then I think I will be happy with that. She may not be here to tell me right from wrong but I hope shes somewhere having a good giggle at the situations I get into and I hope shes proud of the woman I am trying to be.

Ciao for now xxx

Saturday, 8 December 2018

Blogmas Day 8 | Christmas Day Plans

Hello there,
Christmas day used to be such a chilled event in my house. My family don't celebrate it so we just spend the day chilling out and eating pretty much everything. 


Now this year we have more of a plan on whats going on. I'm spending Christmas eve with Charlie then we both go our separate ways. I'm actually gutted about this because id love to stay round, wake up to the one I adore and open our presents we got each other. Alas I can't really do that. Charlies busy with his family and I totally get that. 

If I'm honest I just feel like I have to take a step back because I'm not really part of it all. I'll go home, spend the day with mum and dad and I'm hoping to go and see my aunt and uncle. I'll get some cuddles from my favourite little human, see the older two and get to play with a dog. Where I didn't grow up with Christmas that doesn't mean I went without. We would have present days twice a year and we got spoilt rotten. I'm looking forward to spending the day with mum, not that dad pays any attention to me when I'm home. 

Charlies coming round after his been to his nans and I cant wait to see him. I think it'll be weird for him to go from a house full of Christmas joy to one that's just a normal day. For me its the norm and I sort of oddly love it. I think in the evening we're heading back to his and I'm pretty sure we're going to his sisters to see her and the boys but I'm not really sure what else is happening. I'm hoping its just going to be a really chilled out Christmas and hopefully it will all run smoothly. 


No doubt I'll update you after Christmas to let you know what happened.

Ciao for now xxx

Friday, 7 December 2018

Blogmas Day 7 | Traditions I want to start

Hello there,
Today I want to do a little post all about the traditions I want to start. Now that I have Charlie I don't think it will be long before it's not just me and him. NO I'm not pregnant but there are a few things I want us to start as little traditions so that when we have our own little babies, it will be little things for our family.



Film night |
Now a little film night on Christmas eve is one I want to start. On this little film night I want to watch Muppet's Christmas carol, a classic in my opinion and then next one........even though it is NOT a Christmas film, only because I love you charlie.......Die hard. It makes charlie the happiest and is his favourite Christmas film so it'll be nice to have that conflict every year until he gives in and says I'm right.

Personalised decorations |
We got a cute little decoration when we went to winter wonderland last year. We both have one but I think they are just so cute. I hope as our little family grows we can add so many cute decorations over the years.

Christmas eve box |
I'm making a Christmas eve box for Charlie's nephews and I'm actually pretty excited. Its something I want to start doing for charlie so he will be getting one for him as well, not that he knows that yet.

Matching PJ's  |
Charlie is not one for PJ's but I really want to get matching ones. I think this will be a cute little tradition to start. I will happily make him wear them if it means a cute insta pic. Sorry monkey.

Winter wonderland |
Last year was the year me and Charlie got together, we went to winter wonderland and I sort of want to continue you that and make it our tradition. Its not the best but my aim to to go every year and build our collection of personalised decoration's. Plus i sort of want to take our kids there one day.

Well I hope you liked hearing all about the little traditions I want to start with charlie and hopefully all future bambino's. The idea of this future really fills me with so much happiness. Well I shall see you all tomorrow.

Ciao for now xxx


Thursday, 6 December 2018

Blogmas Day 6 | Christmas garden centre

Hello there,
I love a good garden centre. The smell just reminds me of being dragged round b&q or Homebase with my dad, I actually used to like those little trips. I’d always enjoy looking at all the paint samples and always come way with a colour strip.


Now at the weekend me and Charlie went to a few out of local garden centres, not to get anything special, we just wanted to have a little look round the Christmas sections. I fell madly in love with so much, especially a little fairy for our tree. Now we’re a separate tree for charlie room so we can both have free reign when it comes to decorating it.



We went to the Alton and Summer hill garden Center. Now the Summer hill one had a power cut when we went but it was still very magical, saying that, I did find more things I wanted to buy at Alton. Here’s a few little pictures of our stroll around the garden centre.







As you can see, even with a power cut the Christmas scenes were still pretty perfect. I really enjoyed having a little look at all the pretty lights. No doubt we'll head back next year to look at more festive magic.

Ciao for now xxx

Wednesday, 5 December 2018

Blogmas Day 5 | Essentials For Winter

Hello there,
So for today I wanted to go through my essentials for winter. I am much more of an autumn person. I used to love winter, then I got a car and realised the sweet hell of De-icing the car at 5:30am. However, I still wanted to do a little post on my essentials for winter as its still such a magical time of year.


Cosy dressing gowns |
I have a good collection of dressing gowns and they have now worked there way over to Charlies house. I love snuggling up in a cosy dressing gown that traps in all the warmth like a big hug.


Hot chocolate |
I am like a hot chocolate addict, there's nothing I love more than a piping hot chocolate with a few pumps of caramel in. I like to make sure I'm well stocked up at Christmas with hot chocolate, whipped cream and mini marshmallows. 

Cosy film nights and candles |
There's nothing I love better than snuggling up in bed with charlie and watching a good film. Now this picture is clearly from my room, charlie isn't really into cutesy little scenes like this. I will admit now that this side is now covered in work stuff and aprons. I made an effort to take this picture of my cosy little candles.



Gloves and scarves |
I say gloves, I'm still a fond love of mittens and I will forever choose them over gloves. I will admit that I have to go out in every layer lately because I freeze. I'm not that good in cold but I always prefer cold to hot. I like to pop on my sparkly bobble hate and the thickest scarf I can lay my hands on.

PJ days |
Oh good god the PJ days. If you know me well, you will know I am a frequenter of napping and my pyjamas are my favourite outfit. I got this really cute set from the nutmeg range in Morrison's and I love them. They are just so soft and cosy. I will admit that I pretty much live in these at the moment. I just cant get enough of them. Also the slipper boots are like walking on little clouds and they make me extremely happy. I go everywhere in them.


Well I hope you liked that little post.

Ciao for now xxx

Tuesday, 4 December 2018

Blogmas Day 4 | Thoughts on John Lewis advert

Hello there,
Now I do this most years and this year shall be no different. Normally I love the John Lewis adverts, however this year I don't think I am 100% sold on it. I love Elton John, of course I do. I just don't really get the advert.



So basically the advert is all about how not all gifts are just gifts, they are meaningful and stuff like that. Its a good premise, I get that. However its just Elton John throughout the years playing his, I will admit, amazing songs. It ends as him as a little boy getting a Piano for Christmas. Its a good advert, I just don't think its the most spectacular one they have done.

Over the years John Lewis have had some pretty epic adverts but I just feel like its a bit meh this year. I get that is coincides with Elton Johns farewell tour which is brilliant but I sort of miss animals bouncing on trampolines and woodland animals in the forest. I know this was sort of a little post but I cant really say much more about a small advert so......

Ciao for now xxx

Monday, 3 December 2018

Blogmas Day 3 | Christmas Wish List

Hello there, 
Now time for the Christmas wish list. Half of these are so unrealistic but they are my hearts desires. Now I am aware that some of these seem so pointless but what the hell, a girl can dream. Now I will be linking with amazon on some so that's my little ad section done. Lets begin.


Disney Lego castle | 
The  Lego castle will forever be on my list of wants. This is the thing I will save years for but this is on the list just in case my family become millionaires and feel like a 21year old needs a Lego castle.



Kat Von D | Tattoo liner
Me and my cousin got these a few years ago and I'm gutted that mine ran out. Its not overly expensive but I can never bring myself to buy it. It just applies so perfectly and its much easier for me to get my flicks with.


Sony DSC-WE500* |
I really want a new camera that I can start vlogging on again but instead of a DSLR I want one I can have a flip screen on. I just find it easier to vlog when I can see my angles. This one seems like the perfect fit for me.


My own place |
Not gonna get this for Christmas but a house for me and charlie would be perfect. I just really cant wait for us to be living together. Just our own space to potter around.



Pandora Charms |
Pandora have the most adorable charms out but they have realised Mary Poppins ones and oh be still my beating heart.  There's also a little charm not Disney, yep a charm that isn't Disney. Its the little robot charm and I am simply in love with it so much. I saw it in new york and never got it.





Fearne cotton* | Quiet
I love a good book and the new Fearne cotton book looks pretty good. Its one I really want to add to my collection. I think this is pretty much the perfect book for me. 


Lego* |
I love a box of Lego. Like Lego used to be one of my favourite toys when I was little and what I wouldn't do for a big box of Lego now. Its just so much fun, I love being creative with it and making little houses with cute little flowers and shit like that. I also love the Disney sets and harry potter sets.



Minnie ears |
Since booking our holiday to Disney world I have been sticking up on ears. I have favourited so many on Etsy and the amount I've purchased lately I'm pretty sure I'm keeping the Etsy stores running well. Saying that, there are a few pairs I just cant bring myself to buy even though I love them so much.



Well those are just some of the things on my Christmas list. Now I always tell people I'm not too fussed because I'm honestly not. If anything this is just a list of things that I'm hoping to buy when I'm not piss poor.

Whats only your wish lists this year? Let me know in the comments.

Ciao for now xxx

Sunday, 2 December 2018

Blogmas Day 2 | Christmas Playlist

Hello there, 
It's the time of year again when all we hear is festive cheer (I'm proud of that joke, do not judge), that means its time to share my festive play list for you. Now I have a few new ones on the list this year and I cannot wait to share them with you all.


My life is now spent on Spotify blasting out the Christmas tunes and here's a little run down of my favourites. I will be posting the links as well so you can be transported to my favourite festive tunes.

One more sleep | Leona Lewis
I just love this song because its just really sweet. I'm pretty sure charlie gets sick and tired of me playing this, but good god I love it. I could listen to this all bloody day.


Candy Cane lane | Sia
This isn't one I thought I would love but last year charlies nephew, well I'm gonna glass him as mine as well now, well he was obsessed with this song and since then I've had such a love for it.


Fairy tale of new york | Ed Sheeran and Anne-Marie
This is one that me and Charlie we not really sure if you we like, after a few listens I think its say to say we are pretty much head over heels for this cover. I will admit that Anne-Marie steals the show on this one. Sorry Ed.


Stay another day | East 17 
One of mine and mummy favourite's. Stay another day is just quite special to us, its more of a little nod to my nan and I think this will always been such a perfect Christmas, well all round song.


Baby its cold outside | Michael Buble & Idina Menzel
Ohhhhh this song gives me the feels. It's just such a feel good song. Plus who doesn't love this paring, its just so perfect and a happy go lucky song. Charlie doesn't particularly like this song when I put it on, alas he will have to put up with it a little longer.


I'll be home | Meghan Trainor
I just love listening to this on a cosy winter night. Its a really cutesy song, again not Charlie's cup of tea but I'm all over this song. Partly because I know all the lyrics and I love something I can sing along to.


Driving home for Christmas | Chris Rea
This song just reminds me of the day me and chummy worked Christmas eve, got a bit high on bleach fumes and giggled all day. When we left this song was on in the car so it will always remind me of that day.


So that was a little run down of some of the tunes on my festive playlist. I hope you liked that little look and maybe even have some new favourite's. Let me know in the comments what songs are on your playlists.

Ciao for now xxx


Saturday, 1 December 2018

Blogmas Day 1 | Welcome to Winter

Hello there,
Yes it's that time of year again when I attempt to blog every day on the way up to Christmas. As you all know, these posts will be scheduled because lets face it, Christmas is a fucking busy time for everyone whether you celebrate it or not. Now I have twenty four more posts all lined up for you.


So what have I got coming up on here on professional daydreamer? Well I've got a few make up posts, some food and drink posts and a whole load of other pointless posts that will just make me happy to upload. Now today I'm going to see wreck it ralph 2, I shall do a little post all about that as soon as I can.

I'm planning on having a very chilled Christmas, well as chilled as I can be whilst holding down a full time job and dealing with rude customers ever day. I will be using this space and my instagram to spread some Christmas cheer and I cannot wait to share it with you all. So lets do this.

Ciao for now xxx

Wednesday, 21 November 2018

Need To Knows Of Me |

Hello there, 
It's become very apparent that some people just cannot read me very well. That's not a bad thing at all as I am one of the hardest people to read. I thought it would be a helpful to do a little how to of me. Granted no one I know reads this but in the rare case they do, prepare yourself for a little lesson in me. The many quirks and stresses my brain will go through on a day to day basis. Now even though I have never been assessed, when i was younger everyone thought I had Aspergers which is on the autistic spectrum. The school I was at were just never concerned enough to let me get tested.

These are the traits of someone with aspergers syndrome:
Lack of social awareness
Lack of interest in socialising/making friends
Difficulty making and sustaining friendships
Inability to infer the thoughts, feelings, or emotions of others
Either gazing too intently or avoiding eye contact
Lack of changing facial expression, or use of exaggerated facial expressions
Lack of use or comprehension of gestures
Inability to perceive nonverbal cues or communications
Failure to respect interpersonal boundaries
Unusually sensitive to noises, touch, odours, tastes, or visual stimuli
Inflexibility and over-adherence to or dependence on routines
Stereotypical and repetitive motor patterns such as hand flapping or arm waving.

Now I don't have all of these but I find it extremely hard in social situations. I feel like because I don't talk about it people just think I'm rude, I can be but that's just my personality. The only people that really know about this part of me are chummy and charlie. 

I find it very hard to make small talk, I don't like to surround myself with loads of people, hence why I only really have a few friends. Anymore would stress me the hell out. If you talk to me you will notice I try not to keep eye contact because for me, it makes me feel very uncomfortably. The only person I can give full eye contact to is charlie but that's just because I get a little lost in his big brown eyes. 

I can be very full on, go over the boundary level which means i struggle to maintain a lot of friendships, I think this is why me and chummy argue quite a bit. Sorry about that. I really don't like a lot of noise, not like loud music, I can hack that. I just hate being in situations where there's so many noises all at once, family occasions stress me out because of this. There's to many noises that my brain really cant focus and it panics me a little. 

I am the most time precise person there is. I hate the idea of being late. Routine is like my best friend and if I'm out of routine it really stresses me out. Ive had to learn with charlie that time isn't his strong point, saying that, he has got so much better with it. If I have plans and they change suddenly I will become very quiet because my brain knew what was happening or would happen, then when its all changed I don't know how to act.

I know I'm a lot to handle, my emotions get the better of me and I will always have to think of the end picture. Its just how I am. I have to plan every eventuality. The other day I turned to charlie and went what will I do when you're gone, he looked confused but I explained and just simply said "When were old and grey, if you died id be on my eon, Then the life we'd built together would be over and I'd be so lost". Yes I'm that forward thinking, I cant help it and sometimes I think some people find it off.

Why did I decide that now was the time to talk to you all about this? Well I'm fascinated by Anne on I'm a celebrity, she's addressee it and I feel its got people talking and its something we don't talk about enough in my opinion.

That's all from me,
Caio for now xxx



Monday, 12 November 2018

Retail Work | Mentally and Physically Drained

Hello there, 
When you read this I'll be back at work after doing a six day straight last week and a 44 hour week (That's with breaks taken out). I'm drained. Mentally and physically. I think everyone assumes retail work is a piece of piss. I wish it was. I work in the cafe part of my retail nightmare and I can tell you now its the most mentally draining place to work. 

Anyone who works in retail will all treat staff with some type of understanding, for me, if go to a restaurant ill always be patient with them. I get its busy and I know out the back they will be busting their balls to get stuff done. However I'm noticing more and more that people who haven't worked in that environment just treat us like shit. Even superiors act like we are nothing and its taking its toll. 

I can't work any more than I am. I give my all to my job and I don't know why anymore. No one fucking thanks me for it. Where I work, if you work 100%, they still want me. You can do a whole shift with no break and been working so hard you're bruised, burnt and at breaking point, they still expect more. I'm contracted just over 20 hours but I've been doing a good 39-45 hours for the last few months overtime. They still wont contract it. I'm working hard to try and build a future with Charlie but it just seems near impossible. 

I come home and I ache, my body aches from my feet to my shoulders. It takes a good few hours for my body to feel normal again. Then you get to my head, my mind takes hours to unwind and normally I take all of the stress from one day and take it to the next. I feel like I cant get a break. This job everyone sees as easy is taking its toll on a group of very strong women and men. We are at breaking point. I don't know how longer I can keep it up.

For me, if you will. If you go into a shop or a restaurant. Please. Please. Please don't speak to the staff like they are below you, don't moan they are going to slow, stop moaning that you think it cant be that hard. Work a day in our shoes and then you'll know its quite a stressful place to be. I don't have the please and comfort of a chair and a desk job. Granted its my fault, I should have tried harder at school. That doesn't mean I deserve to be treated with any less respect. I still work just as hard as you do, maybe more.

I'm not really sure what the point of this was, if anything I think I just had a very bad day. When I'm writing this, I couldn't see Charlie which was awful. Days like this all I need is just a hug, some boring TV and just the knowledge that I'm safe, I'm okay. I also just had enough. I just feel like we're treated unfairly in the fact that we aren't seen as important. 

Anyway I'm off for another fun week in hell. I have the weekend off so I'm making time for just me and Charlie. Life is too hectic lately so I want some me and him time, I think we need some time to just relax as a couple.

Ciao for now xxx

Monday, 5 November 2018

Alone Time |

Hello there,
This week has been one of the worst at work. It has been non stop, all round chaos and just all round pretty shite. Now me and charlie both lead pretty hectic lives, our schedules don't sync up that often but I'm yearning for just some alone time. We went away to center parks at the beginning of the year and it was honestly the best. It was just us. Just us pottering around, living like adults and it was lovely. There was no work or anything to distract us from the other.


I'm not a person that can handle a lot of people at once and the slightest things get to me. This week has been tough on the work side of things, its been awful and at times I've been in tears. My manager actually messaged me saying how she couldn't have done this week without me, something that was actually so nice to hear. Ive ran around like made this week trying to help a sinking ship and somehow we've managed it.

It Saturday night when I'm writing this and I'm tired. I'm waiting to see the love of my life and instead I'm doing this. Reality has hit me hard since coming back from New York. I think I'm just at the stage now where I don't want to live at home any more. I love my parents but I need my own space, we need our own space. At my house Charlie cant stay round which I do respect but its hard to actually get some us time.

My head has been everywhere this week apart from me. I haven't had time to think about myself once this week. Ive been too busy thinking about work. I don't mind. I really don't. I'm just at the point where I want to come home after the shit days and get to spend my nights with charlie. I'm just happier with his company. He calms me. Even when were arguing I know I'm safe. I think right now I'm at a stage where my own family needs to be starting. The me and charlie world that hopefully in the near future will grow.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm an adult trapped in a child's life. I want to be able to do all these things like move out, have kids, get a decent job but there's always something that gets in the way. I hope next year will be a year full of big steps if I'm honest. I'm hoping that I will get much closer to moving out because I want a little place to call our own. I want to be able to go home at the end of the day knowing the man of my dreams is there, even if it does mean I have to make the dinner and do most of the chores.


I think this week has just really got to me. For so many different reasons this week has been shit. I just want a little more time with someone that I'm planning on spending my life with. People say forever can wait but I'm tired of waiting. From 2019 the games changing. I want my life to start moving in a different direction and I'm so excited at the idea of that.

Ciao for now xxx

Monday, 29 October 2018

Pumpkin Carving |

Hello there,
So Wednesday is supposed to be the spookiest day of the year. Personally I don't really go for all of that, for me things like Christmas, Halloween and stuff like that isn't really a big deal. Maybe growing up in a family that didn't celebrate it means I'm not overly fussed. However since being with charlie I have started to love holidays like that. 



Ive been on at Charlie for ages to carve pumpkins. He finally gave in and yesterday we finally did our pumpkins. We got our pumpkins from a supermarket so they were pretty cheap. I fancied going pumpkin picking but Charlies been a bit snuffly this week so we thought it best to keep snuggly warm in the house. 


Now I love the carving aspect of pumpkins but gutting the bloody thing just irritates me beyond belief. Its just a pretty gross job for me. Now this isn't a step by step guide. We all know how to carve a pumpkin. This is just me showing off my pretty basic skills on my pumpkin. Now charlie knew exactly what he wanted to do, I however took a very long time to decide what I wanted to attempt to carve.

Since we can finally say we are going to Disney world next year I thought it would be perfect opportunity for an insta snap. I attempted the Disney castle, it looks shite but can't blame a girl for trying. Charlie had finished his within about ten minutes, I was left to my own devices in my own little world carving the word Disney out of pumpkin skin. I was having a blast.

This is the end result. Now it could do with some work but I'm upping the pumpkin game next year.




Well I hope you liked that really shit post about my pumpkins. This was the most chilled out thing me and charlie have done in a while so I was happy enough.

Ciao for now xx