Monday, 31 July 2017

I'm Coming Home | Back To Blogging

Hello my lovelies,
It's been very evident that I have been away for a while. While I've been here I haven't really been here fully, I've been focused on real life and trying but failing to make people happy. I'm finally done doing that, my brains a bit too much for the real world and I think its time I focused more on my online world. 

So what's been happening? Well Today I wrote out a letter for my aunt explaining everything, like mental health stuff that I just feel like I can't tell anyone. It feels like I just burden people with it but I feel like if anyone will be able to help, its her. She's my world and I think she's the one who can get me out of this little destructive path I've been on.

I've come to terms with the fact that maybe I just will have a a pretty basis life. Theres nothing wrong with that. I'm finally stopping the quest for Mr Right. I don't really want him now, I want to focus on me. I need to focus on me. Running around looking for someone to love me, someone to cover the cracks just isn't going to help. I get to view a lot of "perfect" couples but that's good for them. I just know realistically I've always been better on my own. I work better alone, I'm more creative and I think in control more. I'm an easily controlled person in an environment of humans but when I'm on my own I can deal with life without having to rely on people which is something I become dependant on.

I guess I'm just a little lost at the minute but by getting back to blogging, it feels like I'm coming home. I'm back to what makes me happy. I can breathe again without fear of judgement because there is always someone out there that gets it. Someone to just sit and pour your heart out to who will just listen. Theres no obligation for them to do it, they just do.



Right now I'm spending my nights snuggled up with books, writing new things, learning new things and just snuggling up to Simba. I'm back now and I want to throw myself back into it like I used to. This was created for a reason and I want to get back to that.