Friday, 12 May 2017

Hey! | Me again...

Well hello there, long time no see. Now I put up a little post last weekend and it was a little hard hitting. I'm think I'm finally getting there and life just seems a little bit more cheery. Now I stopped the YouTube and the blog. YouTube felt like it was t going anywhere and I was just frustrated with the upload times. Now I'm getting back into it. I want to start vlogging again but they won't be long, I don't want to put that much pressure on them. 

I'll be uploading a lot more, I'm distancing myself for a few people. Not in a spiteful way, in a "I need to make myself happy" way. For too long I've been allowing people to turn tables on me, acting like I'm the one in the wrong, granted I'll take blame but it's mentally destroyed me having all that on me. Basically I'm not allowing people to control my life anymore, they don't even mean to do it but it's sad that that were sort of the reason I tried to end it. That's just a little heart breaking.

Now life's not all doom and gloom. I'm fully embracing the side of me that people make out to be bad, apparently I just jump from man to man. You know what, yes I do. I only talk to them, then I see that that persons a prick and move on. After one person, well why should I wait around because other people make me feel like a slut. It's not like I'm sleeping with every single man, even if you do, there's nothing wrong with that. You want sex, go get it. As long as it's two consenting adults, why the fuck not. I picked some random guy off tinder to show my friends to be like this is the one.......nope. That wasn't true at all, I sort of felt like they'd judge so I let them have that one. In matter of fact it's someone completely different and I'm just taking my time, I'm learning all about a new person and it's nice. It's nice to do that, granted they all think I'm just jumping from man to man, I'm not. I've had a few dates with people but currently I'm getting to know a new human, learning little things about them, what makes them tick, what annoys me about them and all stuff like that. It's nice. I know I shouldn't have lied, I guess I'd rather people think I'm jumping from different people while I actually learn about a new person, so far so good. You know, some people will read this with an eye roll and I get it, however I'm an adult. I didn't want to lie but I also just wanted to not put pressure on it, I guess I wanted people to think oh she's not being so picky this time. We all have a type and that's not a bad thing.

Now I'm currently tucked up in bed, I think I've got the flu but I should be okay. I'm also feeling like I'm going to ask to drop back to four days. Like four days on full days so the hours are the same. I just need that extra day to focus on my online life. It's where I'm my happiest and works just taking away so much time that I should be spending on it. 

I think that's it from me, well for now anyway. I'm going to be doing like a Disney prep post and also a few new things from me. Life just seems like it all got too much, its time to clear that now. Forgot about it and just start a fresh. I came so close to the edge that I want to go back, take a massive step back and just take my time with life right now.

See you all soon,
Love Chloe,