Thursday, 30 March 2017

Hello Old Friend |

|Hello lovelies,
I'm back. My life online is back in full swing, it used to be thriving all the time. Always full of my nonsense and ramblings. It seems like over the last year you've all been a little neglected. I didn't mean it but its like I was living. I was in reality for once and it felt good. It feels like I've been riding the waves, it was fun and something new but sometimes the waves get to much. The gentle push of the tide turned into a storm. I was that storm. I was the one that turned the gentle rock of the ocean into a thunderstorm that took prisoners. I made the crashing waves and I was also the one riding them. I'm now a little ship wrecked. The various paths in my life have all been cut off. I'm back here, a little isolated. One avenue was closed because I fucked up again. another avenue was something I felt a little sure of, something that I was just allowing myself to like the idea of. Even that's changed now, the excuses are coming in and for once I'm not sad about it. I'm glad. 

I just don't feel anything right now, the world used to feel like such a scary place but I can breathe again. I'm back in my little bubble that I worked hard to escape from, it wasn't a bubble of happiness or a care free life. I've realised it was a well crafted prison I had to put myself in, not to protect me. Sadly it was to protect others. I tell people the person I am now, that normally makes them run for the hills. It didn't with one and he sort of told me he'd be there. Even he's finding little excuses, I said look I don't care if you don't want this. That's cool, just tell me. Like we're busy people and maybe our lives are just to hectic for a storm like me to pass through. I was told no, of course I want this and I'll be there. Even that's just ended up with me just sat here like yep, another lie. 

What's worse is I'm all alone now, no one to turn to for help. I can see the shore but I have no way of reaching it, I'm stuck in the shipwreck and it's time to face up to that. I'm back on here for good. All other personal social medias are no longer. I can't allow myself the life I want because I just leave this path of destruction. I'm coming home and its been long overdue. It's time to let the online me, the real me flourish once more. This is what I want and I can't let real life take that hold on my again. All I ask is that if once person is reading this please know that I'm grateful that you got me out of it, you showed me how I could be happy and how I shouldn't let what others think of me get me down. Sadly in being your project I just hurt you and I'm sorry. Thankfully for you I'm not your issue anymore, I'm going back to what I do best and its been a long time coming.