Thursday, 23 February 2017

Only Me | No One Else

Hello lovelies,
Do you ever feel the judgement from those you love the most? They are trying their best to make sure you know the right thing to do, they want to show you the love and lead you down the right path..........saying that sometimes it just feels like a never ending stream of judgement. I know that's not how it's coming out but the barriers in my head just go, well thats meant in a way that we are going to take badly. 

It's the little things, like when I finally realise something and then I tell people. I get the oh that's what we've all been saying, yeah I know that. It's not like I wasn't listening but surely it's only me that can come to that conclusion. Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Only I can be the one who is insane enough to do it over and over but at the end of the day, it's me who deals with it. Granted I can cry to people but it's me at the end of the day, me who deals with it and eventually I come to the conclusion that everyone else did. It just takes me a while and I just feel judged when people then sit and go, well I told you so.

I guess it's hard for people to see that you need to work things out on your own sometimes. They just want what's best for you and sometimes that just winds the other person up. I never mean it in a horrible way but when I already feel like shit, I know what I've done could have been avoided.......well the last thing I need is well thats what we all said. I understand that people only want what's best for me, the issue is I've always been a person that had to do do stuff for herself. I have to be the one that see's it.

Now right now in life I actually feel okay, I've found be productive side again. claiming that everything is perfect is a lie. It's far from that, life's bearable. I wish I had someone with me through all of this, truth be told I now function better on my own. I've tried so many times to work as a two but I'm just scared of getting hurt now. I don't want to try any more attempts at a relationship, I just want to focus on my blog and my channel. My world online has always seemed much better than real life, time to focus on the things thats make me happy.