Wednesday, 18 January 2017

Time Away |

Hello lovelies,
Life right now seems rather sweet. Everything feels likes it's slowly clicking into place and its just like I've finally done some growing up. I know what I need now, the weekend just made everything a hell of a lot clearer.

Most of you know that I went away for the weekend. It was the most perfect little get away. Me and my chummy had a bit of a tiff on the Friday, my fault but I think maybe we were both maybe not in the wrong, but I think sometimes we just need to see it from the others point of view something we both know now. I over reacted though so it was mainly my fault. I needed that time to just relax with my family and get back to who I actually am. Chummy said I'm like Tafiti, I can basically be an angry bitch but when someone puts the heart back in me.....I just become me again. The hearts been gone from me for a while, its not been great but I just go through that sometimes. The hearts back in me in every aspect and life couldn't be better. Lets just go through the aspects that are making me so happy right now.

Family |
The weekend away with my family was just perfect. I needed that time to be cut off from everyone, even chummy. Granted we were arguing but for the most of the time my phone stayed in the chalet and I just had some time away from the world. It was just perfect to be strolling through the forest with the people who are my world. 

Three of them are the people who've raised me, granted my dad had to stay home but my mum, aunt and uncle have all raised me. Mum more but they've played a very big part in my world. My little cousin grabbed my hand, she wasn't talkative because she was tired but after a few minutes she just looked up and said "I love you Chloe". It was then that I realised my focus has been the wrong people. That sounds bad but my family are the ones who have been my main reason for everything I do. 

My heart melted a little because this little human had said the simplest most complex thing. She loves me. This is the little girl I would do anything for, much like the rest of them. On the Saturday I was that sleepy that I fell asleep on the sofa, my uncle came over and tucked a blanket round me.......he just said "Sorry sweetie, I didn't want you to get cold". Its little things like that that show me just who matters in this crazy world.

Friends |
Friendships are something I used to struggle with. I'm still no the best, I think me and my chummy are arguing more. We always sort it out but we both know it's because we spend so much time together. We're constants in each others lives which I love but we've both agreed that if we need space from each other then that's okay. I need to learn stuff and I think that's okay, she knows I never mean it but this weekend was to real. It felt like I was losing her and after a big heart to heart on Sunday we are back to normal. Like she said, we cant be the old couple who are questionably lesbian without any arguments. L, well he checks in every now and then but I'm pretty much used to him being a rare person to see. I still love him to pieces and would drop anything to see him, just the time we do see each other seems a little bit more special.

Love |
I'm happy. Very much happy right now. I've spent so long looking for what I thought I wanted, turns out the one I needed was still waiting for me and he's everything I want and more........ and I'm very much happy with life right now. I'm taking things very slowly but lets just say that guy I thought was the one........he's gone. That was nothing and what I'm feeling now, this feels real. No matter what happens this time in my life just is so nice. 

Work |
Works shit as ever but stuffs happened that's made me realise that yes its a bad job but the love everyone has for everyone is beyond what it should be. They actually care and over the last few weeks it feels like the hearts been ripped from it a bit, as hard as it is I think every ones getting there. I need to appreciate that most of them aren't just colleagues, some of them are good friends now.

Mental |
mentally I'm in such a better place. The two things thing the day does with me at work has worked so well. She even said the other day how happy she is that my two things are getting better and better each day. I think she knows I struggle sometimes but just don't like saying, doing this makes me see more positively and its been such a good thing for my mental health. I'm so thankful she started it.