Saturday, 3 December 2016

🎄Blogmas Day 3 🎄 | Blogmas Blues

Hello lovelies,
Day three of blogmas and I didn't think I'd be weepy at this point. Yesterday was a pretty intense day. I had a driving test, failed it but I was okay with that. It was on something so silly and it's all good because I've re-booked. I've had a week of intensive driving and I've just felt so out of it this week. Cut off from the people I love the most and it's not been fun.

Something I was told yesterday has got me thinking a lot. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I don't mind that. If I'm happy I'm super happy and bouncing around the place, if I'm sad you'll know it. I love it that way. You know what to expect from me and I'm okay with that. I guess everything's just getting to me. I hadn't heard from L after telling him I'd got us the Adele tickets. I was a little heart broken if I'm honest, luckily he actually replied yesterday. I just like to hear from him. He's one of the people that just make all my stress vanish, a little breath of fresh air the my life craves. He's one of my best friends and it's just odd that he seems to go of the radar for a bit.

The feeling like I'm just too close and always there seems to be cropping up at the minute. I know me and chummy are close, I'm over protective in a way. I love her company so I don't think it's odd that I like to spend time with her. It seems like we're always together but that's because of work. We see each other once a week outside of work if we're lucky. I just feel like maybe some people are getting annoyed at the little amount of time we get to see each other. We talk daily and she's one of the only people I like speaking to on the phone so we call each other. I know I'm full on but it feels like I'm being made to feel like I shouldn't be speaking to her. I get that she's got her own life, building her future with the man she loves but is it wrong that I want to talk to my best friend. No one wants a third wheel, I get that but it's still hard for me if we go out as a three. I put in the effort for chummy's sake even when I feel awkward. I don't know. Somethings just got to me and I just need to try and put it out of my head, also I need to just distance myself a bit from chummy.

Boy trouble has also been on the list. I'm done with trying but now it's just making me miss someone so much. Trying to tell yourself and everyone else that you're over someone who you're clearly not. I guess I just miss him, I miss the genuine guy that I fell head over heels for. The man that I could have seen myself have the most amazing life with. It's hard to explain to people because they don't see it how I do. No one will ever get it I don't think, it was an odd one for me. I guess I'm still trying to nurse that heartbreak and no ones ever really going to compare.

I don't know why I've got blogmas blues but now I'm just sitting in my room on my own, wishing I could just go out and get silly drunk. This is what happens when I have to much time on my own. Hopefully I'll be back tomorrow with a more cheery post for you all.

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