Wednesday, 14 December 2016

🎄Blogmas Day 14 🎄 | A Million Reasons

Hello lovelies,
Not a very festive post but still a post so bare that in mind. 


Today I did something that was the right thing to do. I say today, this all happened yesterday but its making today's post. Basically there was the boy, I say boy because in my mind I'm still a love sick teen. I'm not. I'm a fully grown woman and he's a man. 

We'd been chatting for a while and then we stopped. He messaged me on Monday saying that he wanted to try it again, he didn't want to give up on something that could be really good. Of course that gave me the honey glow. He was making an effort and that meant something to me. I make a deal that he got one last chance, I wanted him to be straight with me. Then yesterday I found out he likes to partake in substances that maybe aren't allowed. Lets get real, it's what most young people have tried but it's not something I wanted to get involved with. I sort of stupidly said to myself well if its a one off then maybe I could see past it. Turns out its whenever he's stressed and he loves it. 

I think I handled it the best I way I could. I handle it like an adult which was weird for me. I said this to him "Look I'll be straight with you. I like you, I think we both know it but I don't think I could be with someone who uses drugs frequently to relax. I get that's what you want to do but please respect that I don't think I can be around people that do okay" Word for word and I think it was a very adult way to handle it. I know that I would have never been happy. I'm not going to be the person that's with someone who's always second guessing someone to know if that person is high on drugs. If you do that, that's your choice and that's fine but I'm not willing to get involved with that. My heads a fucked up place enough and I haven't ever done drugs and I wouldn't, if my heads a fucked up place what must his be like that drugs in his system. 

In the end he was giving me a million reasons to let him go and even if I wanted to try and make it work, like I saw getting into a relationship with him, I just couldn't put myself through it all. I've come out of this with my heart a little bruised again but its all good in the long run.