Monday, 12 September 2016

What Happened Last Week | September 5th-11th

Hello lovelies,
Last week started off and ended in the same way. Just me left feeling disappointed again. Now there's been some stuff going on the I have shared online, I don think I will at this point either but I'll make up for that I promise. Now sit back and enjoy my ramblings again.

Monday 5th |
I woke up pretty early on Monday, I had planned to have a little bit of a lay in bit I was just full of excitement. Now my plans fell through and I can't tell you how gutted I was. I was nervous but excited as well. I doesn't matter, I went round to see my aunt and cousins instead. I'd just got back from the most magical weekend at Disneyland Paris. It's a shame I had to come back, but that doesn't matter. I'm back now and don't I know it just seems like life gone from perfection to crumbling away in a matter of days. Now if chummy's reading this she'll assume it's because of a certain situation, it's honestly not, that's just one more thing that's just made this week a little sh*t.

Tuesday 6th |
Back to work for me and from the minute I got in, well it was just awful. My manager told us we were in trouble because apparently I was selling stuff we didn't have, I wasn't even on the till but apparently I needed to grow up and accept responsibility. The night seemed to drag so much and I just wanted to be back in Paris. For the weekend life seemed so perfect and then I came back to reality slapping me in the face. I was just very happy to go home and just rant for a while. 

Wednesday 7th |
I had the day off and it was needed. I'd been back at work for a shift and already it had annoyed me. On Wednesday I got some writing done and sorted out a few home things. I popped out to the shops, didn't really get anything but its a little part of my day for you. The one good thing about my day is that I had my zumba class. The one thing I look forward to each week, it's just the perfect way for me to just have a little bit of fun while de-stressing. I got home and pulled up the latest episode of GBBO, I do love that show and its the only thing that calms me down if I'm honest. I just get lost in the bakes, it just helps me take my mind off the little stresses. 

Thursday 8th |
Back to work and this was a pretty bad shift. I was chummyless and my manager played on that. A lot of snide comments were made which then led to me behind the dishwasher crying. Luckily I had my favourite lady with me to cuddle me and look after this weepy mess that I had become. I didn't really know what to do, its like I was getting in trouble because I was being made to two the job of three people. In the end I was just looking for ways to get myself in trouble, if I was getting in trouble it was going to be for something I'd actually done. The minute I got home I just ran to my room and broke down. I haven't been like this in so long and it hurt. It was a cry cry, it was the worst type. Crying into a pillow so no one else could hear type of cry. I just felt a little lost if I'm honest. I'm doing a big post about everything that's going on in my head because if not I'll just end up breaking down somewhere silly.

Friday 9th |
Another day at work and this one was actually okay. Now Obviously I told chummy everything that had happened the day before, I was dreading seeing my manager but I had no choice. To my surprise she was super nice to me, put me on my preferred job for the day and was letting me get away with pretty much anything. I think she knew she had gone too far the day before. The evening was spent with chummy. We went out to tesco, got some doughnuts and some snacks. Popped into work and then just sat in her car for while. When I got home I had dinner and then just crashed out.

Saturday 10th |
Saturday was pretty boring but I had a late shift at work. I was actually called in an hour earlier which was a little annoying. I actually had a little plan for the extra hour, it doesn't really matter though. Now work was okay, bit sh*t but that wasnt helped by the fact that my chumster seemed really annoyed. Tbf it was easier because then I actually got chance to get some stuff done. I went home and just watched TV for a bit, now I'm saying it on here because I think chummy feels I'm being weird about it. She went out on a double/ triple date with her boyfriend, his best friend and his girlfriend. Yes the same best friend I attempted......we all know that sorry story. 

Now I did feel a little weird about it, not in a bad way but more the fact that its a really coupley thing to do. Like its starting now, the double dates and thats great but I feel like its more conveintent because then he gets to see his best friend and her, she gets to see him and I'm just worried that I'm going to be replaced for the better model. Sounds silly but its how my mind works. Im super insecure lately and thats a mix of a lot of things. I just feel out of the loop because she has another couple to do stuff with, I can't be like oh we'll go on double dates because I dont have that extra person.

Sunday 11th |
Another bad day at work. At least chumster was actually speaking. Now I was put on my own for most of the day and I hated it. I was already in a weird mood and I just hate being out there. Turns out they'd been sticking stickers on me, like a jokes a joke but really. I had to do the count and then kept on logging out. Everyone was just getting on my nerves. Chumster snuck up behind me and grabbed me which then made me jump, also making me make an awkward noise that a customer heard. Like it just felt like no one wanted to be serious. Me included but I was stuck outside on my own, it just felt like they all had little inside jokes that I just wasnt a part of.

My evening was spent writing and just feeling sorry for myself. I've spent weeks stressing because on of my favourite people wont reply to my messages but i've finally got to the point where I literally do not give a single f*ck. I love him of course I do but friendships shouldnt have to forced, thats all it feels like it is at the minute. Im just giving up with the boy now, if I see him great but if not I just dont care. Im never going to be part of their little group no matter how much he says I am, I'm the odd outsider and thats fine. Ive always been that so its nothing new to me.

Well thats what happened last week. Not the best week but thats life I suppose. I think I've realise this week whats important, Ive realised how very unimorpant I am to some people and you know what? I just dont want to spend my life stressing anymore. 

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