Monday, 26 September 2016

What Happened Last Week | September 19th-25th

Hello lovelies,
Last week was good but I've been sort of keeping a lot of stuff to myself. Stuff that I know I should tell someone about, its just hard to admit and I don't like telling people about the extremely vulnerable side of me. Anyway more on that later. Now lets just get on with this post shall we.

Monday 19th |
On Monday I had the most wonderful day. A day of shopping, food and a movie for me and chummy. We started the day by having a short but sweet gym session. We then had a very nice day shopping. L was going to join us but sadly he had work, it would have been very nice to see him but I'm sure at some point I can steal him away from his busy schedule. Now I spent an awful lot, I shouldn't have but when I see things I like I sort of impulse buy. We got a nice little nandos lunch and just had a very good chilled out day. In the evening we went to go and see Bridget Jones baby. Fantastic film by the way. 

Tuesday 20th |
The start of a six day straight and I was starting with a 7-4. It was actually an all right day. It was a bit hectic but we all got through it. My evening was spent curled up in my bed and I ended up just crashing out so early.

Wednesday 21st |
On Wednesday I had a pretty fun day. I had work at 2, I was suppose to start at 3 but I wanted to go to my zumba class. Work was pretty quiet. I started to feel really ill though. I'm not sure why, I just came over really sick all of a sudden. Anyway my zumba class was okay but I found out that L had seen me at work, apparently with a thunderous face so thought he'd chat to me to cheer me up. He said he called me a few times but I just blanked him. I didn't even know he was there, if I did then I would have stopped and chatted. This is the boy that I've wanted to see for nearly two months now. I miss him and I was gutted that I didn't even know he was there.

Thursday 22nd |
A 10-4 at work and this was probably the worst shift I've had in a while. It was super busy and at one point I was taking the orders as well as cooking it all. Everyone decided that they didn't want to do what they had been told to do and it all just resulted in arguments. I ended up leaving a little bit earlier and ending on the sentence "You're all just a bunch of fucking children, this isn't a playground". I'd just had it with the bitchy comments to one another. Anyway I had a pretty chilled out night, I rang chummy to rant and also tried on my new dresses.

Friday 23rd |
Day 4 of 6 and this was a late shift. It was so busy. Like I don't normally do the cooking when its busy but it just wouldn't stop. We had ran out of most things and they sent over someone who was just useless. That sounds rude but if you want something doing right, you've got to do it yourself. I was just happy to go home and snuggle in bed.

Saturday 24th |
Saturday is where it all changed. Another full day which I didn't mind, I have no issue doing full days but it was just so busy again. We had a lot of people over to help but I don't like that. I feel on edge and I just don't like having people from other departments with us. It just feels weird and like I can't work how I normally do. A lot stuffs been going on in my head lately, its not a very happy place right now and I'm scared. 

I don't know why but I'm getting like I used to minds getting darker and I hate it. I went from rainbows and unicorns to black in a matter of minutes. I just needed to go quiet, sadly when I did that everyone thought I had the ump and that's when the little comments started. As happy as I look on the outside right now I'm broken on the inside. I hide it well. That's what I did before. I'm just so scared that I know what happened last time I got into this state of mind. I'm finding it hard to not slip back into old habits. The people I have in my life now have never seen me at my weakest, they've never seen me go into this state and I'm worried they'll just abandon ship. 

Sunday 25th |
The last day at work and this again was a full day. Sundays are normally fun days. Even when its really busy its always seems really fun. For me it wasn't a fun day, it was a meh day. At one point I was standing near the microwaves almost in tears with the woman I work with. My chumster was pretty good though, he managed to keep me entertained most of the day. I also then found out that I had dated everything wrong so it said it went out of date almost a month ago. The woman I work with said it was okay, because they realised and I just need to re-date. My minds been such a mess that I don't even know where my head is right now. Chumster sort of picked up that I was stressing about it so tried to cheer me up. 

Anyway that's been the week. Its odd but it started to perfectly and ended so badly. I know what I need. I need time with my friends. They just bring me back to reality and make me see life a bit more clearly. The few little outings we've been on or just when we've been with each other have helped. Little drives, picnics or drinks in a garden. They all just help me to see like in a better way. Just me and two people I adore.

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