Friday, 26 August 2016

Loved And Lost |

Hello lovelies,
Over the last few weeks the feeling that I'm slowly losing someone has been getting to me. Im not focusing on that in this post though. Instead its more of a little reflective post. There haven't really been any permanent people in my life. Its like some people are just passing by in the chapters in the book of me. A small part of my life that at one point, meant the world.

Family is a big one of me. Its no secret that I don't speak to my sister any more. I don't want to but she's a love that was sadly lost. I'll always have love for her, she's my sister. I've just had to detach from her. The sad part is that I have so many memories, ones that I still cherish to this day. Like when we were little at devon, me and her sitting on the rocks at dartmeet. The protective big sister that slowey changed over time.

Friends. The ones I never want to have to say goodbye to. To me friends are extremely important but they don't last. They either get bored of me or they just go off and live their own lives. I'm like a little seat filler where friends are concerned. I have so much love for them but I've always been the one who's there when needed. When someone else isn't and they just need someone to occupy their time. It's always been the same. My friends from school. Now looking back, they weren't freinds but at the time they meant everything to me. They were the ones that were there when I needed them sometimes and I do have some good memories with them. 

Now if I see them in the street we just look past each other. Its like we never met. Our little memories meant nothing. We are no more than strangers now. They've just grown up. We're not school girls anymore, what annoys me is the they never saw the real me. I always had to hide parts of my personality that just made me, well just me. 

Love. Loving someone is hard. Escpially when its new. love is just something I've naturally had for people, like for family you don't just love them one day. You grow up with that love. Falling in love with someone is different though, is new and exciting. For me I loved, we all know the story. Well you know part of the story. Not all of it, some people know more than others and that's okay. I wouldn't say I lost that love because they were never mine to lose. It still hurt though. Someone you spend a lot of time with and just learn to love every little thing about them, even the bad things. Some days I wish that had never happened but then I'm glad it did. I'm glad I had to go through that to know what it felt like. 

Through life were are going to meet so many people. Sadly for me, I know that I'm never going to be permenent feature in someones life. The only people I will be a constant to is my family. Friends will maybe try to stay in touch, thats great but I know that at the end of the day all our lives will be hectic. Some will marry and have kids, others will have imporant time consuming jobs. Me, well I'll still be here like usual. It does scare me because the people I have in my life now, I don't want them to be people I've loved and lost. I don't want to lose them but I know its happening. Maybe it just feels like it is, I'm just staring to try and prepare myself for a life without the people I love. That sounds horrible but I need to think ahead. Everyone I love won't be around forever and as scary as that is, well I'm going to have to face it one day.

So far there have been people that have been popping up through all the chapters, where as others have just passed through. I just hope that the ones in the current chapter will still be here by the end of the book.