Wednesday, 31 August 2016

Monthly Favourites | August 2016

Hello lovelies, 
Sorry this is up late. You will all know that I'm going to Disneyland in two days, that means I'm frantically packing and making sure I get everything done. Also sorry about the bad content lately and its weird upload times. I'll do a little post about it all soon. Now the last month has been a bit weird for me. A lot of good stuffs happened and I can't wait to share my favourites with you.

Beauty |
The mint temptation body scrub has been my favourite this month. The lovely team at scrub love kindly sent me a scrub to try and its done my skin the world of good. If you want to hear all about it then please just click on this picture. It really helped make my skin feel super soft and hydrated, just what I've been needing after stressful shifts at work.

Book |
Again I'm pretty sure this was last months favourite but Harry Potter and the curse child makes it again. I just loved the story so I had to re-read it. Obviously I wont say what happens but I thought it would seem weird, even though its set years after the originals it's still so perfect. Its also so fun to make up voices for the new characters you get introduced to, also imagining what they would look like. For any potter fans I would recommend reading this, its such an easy ready as well. Because its a script it gives you the perfect way to create the scenes in your head. Making this book just a little more magical.

Movie |
My favourite film this month has been hot fuzz. We all know by now that this is my favourite non Disney film. Its been on TV so much lately and its made me so happy. I guess there's been a lot of stress in my head over the last month, that means this has been the perfect way for me to just relax. Other people don't really see my love for this film but its the perfect little pick me up after a bad day.

TV show |
The great British bake off is back! I adore this show and I've watched it since the first series. I just love seeing the little creations that they all bake, it was also a show that I was going to apply for. Just the application form was just a little long for my liking. I already have my favourite contestants.

Song |
My favourite song for this month has been lost boy by Ruth B. I think its just such an amazing song and her voice is just incredible. I've had this on repeat non stop and I've found myself singing it a lot of the time at work. 

Moment | 
This month has been full of so many lovely little moments but its been the family ones that have won it for me. I've got back the time with my lovely cousins and my aunt and uncle. Just time lounging in their garden, giggling with the kids and just soaking up every minute with the people I love the most. Life's been moving so quickly lately, I just want some time. Time with the ones who love me regardless, the ones who know that with one little look I'll have the biggest smile on my face.

This month started off a little sad, I had a lot going on in my little brain but its ended on the sweetest note. I'm not stressing about something now and on the 2nd I'm off to Disneyland Paris with my chummy. 

Monday, 29 August 2016

What Happened Last Week | August 22nd-28th

Hello lovelies,
Last week was such a blissful week for me. There were some stressy times but the week just seemed to feel so perfect. Little things that I'd been stressing about are now just gone.

Monday |
On Monday I woke up early in a field in a fairly cold tent. It was the day we finally came home from V. Now I know I moaned about it but I actually ended up having a pretty decent weekend. I got home, had the biggest hug from my mum and then sat outside for a while. After that I had the most wonderful bubble bath. Had some decent food and just snuggled in my bed. I spent my night tucked up in bed watching all my favourite shows, I also just needed some mummy cuddles and me and my mum just snuggled in my bed and having some cuddles. I got the best nights sleep after a weekend of on and off sleep.

Tuesday |

Back to reality on Tuesday and of course I was back to work. Now from Monday I'd been on a little bit of a natural high. Now just a little something that I won't be telling you all about at the moment. Anyway work was actually okay, it was a bit weird getting back into it after a weekend of no work. As much as I moaned it was so nice to have the weekend to just relax for a while and not worry about the little stresses of life for a few days. Work was a little awkward at first but after a lot of awkward chat it was just fine. 

Wednesday |
Now if you like in the UK then you will probably know that the GBBO was back on, being a home baker this pleased me a lot. Me and chummy both had early shifts at work so that meant we had the evening free to watch it. Now we also had a Zumba class that clashed with the class. We did the adult thing and went to our class, that then followed with us in my bedroom watching the bake off eating cake. It was actually a pretty good night. I mean the Zumba class was a struggle because it was just so hot. 

Thursday |
Thursday I woke up in the best mood. I had a morning Zumba class which was actually pretty bad, we had the bad instructor again so it wasn't really Zumba. Now I had work in the afternoon but when I got in from Zumba I got to get some quality time with my cousin. She one of the three kids in my life that are my whole world, it was just nice to get some time with her. To just chat about everything, little things that worried her and stuff like that. Shes always been more like a little sister than a cousin. Now at work it was me, chumster and the other lovely girl I work with. My manager has been keeping me and my chumster apart for a while. I don't think she really trusts us, we're a chatty pair and we spend most of our shift playing more than working. Now I had a little accident with the oil meaning my arm and my side got burnt. I'm okay but it just really hurt. Now it was probably one of the funniest shifts I've had in a while, I mean two people clearly think me and him are secretly dating. I can assure you we're not, he has a girlfriend and me, well........ummmm yeah my lips are sealed for now. Apparently though our whole department thinks we have some weird sexual tension. I don't see it, I'm like that when I'm close with people.

Friday |
I woke up on Friday to a very sweet message that just put me in the best mood for the day. I didn't have work on Friday so I spent my day doing what I loved the most. Sleeping and eating. I can't really think what else I did, like I just sort of had a really nice home day. It also gave me a little time to reflect on how I've been over the last few months. I guess I didn't really get a certain situation before, now I do I get it a hell of a lot more. 

Saturday |
Me and my chummy had a clubbing night planned. I woke up not really in the best mood, my mind was a little preoccupied and I didn't really want to go out. Neither of us did but we managed to cheer up and get in the mood. Work was okay, I got the views on a situation I'm in from two people I trust. Granted it wasn't really what I wanted to hear but I know they're only saying it because they're doing it so I don't get hurt if it all went wrong. I just see it as I need to just go with how I feel on this. No one else can make this decision and only I know how I'll feel. We headed back to chummys after work, got ready and ate nachos before chummys brother dropped us to the station. Now we went to the pub first and had some cocktails and deep chats. I think we both agree that this was probably the best part of the night. Like clubbing was okay but I think we were both very pre-occupied and maybe that club has run its course. Also I feel like chummys out growing clubs, maybe I am a little bit as well. I don't think it helped that this was a planned night. Our best nights are the spontaneous ones. 

Sunday |
A full day for me at work. After a night out. Normally it doesn't really do anything to me but I felt it a little, all I wanted was food and sleep. Luckily I was kept away from customers for the day but it didn't help that my normal Sunday people were missing. Chummy had to pop home and then one of the women went oh you're in charge now. No. I wasn't and no one was cooking anything which left me with nothing to plate up. Now everyone was on at me about breaks and I was just getting so wound up with everyone. Luckily even though my chumster was on the till he came in and helped me. It was all just far to busy and I knew I needed the quickest person helping me. Now the close was okay, I left early and then spent my night snuggled in bed watching casualty.

I've spent my week in my own little bubble and at the minute its really nice. That's all I'm going to say  but at the minute I'm really happy. Its nice to be in a new little bubble.

Saturday, 27 August 2016

Chummy I'm Sorry |

Hellos lovelies,
Now I know there's been no what happened last week this week. Sorry for that. I'm going to try and do one but I'm much more focused on next week. Now this week and last week were rather stressful. 

Most of you know but next week I'm off to Disneyland pairs with my best friend. Now this is a trip that I've been looking forward to for so many months. This was a very spontaneous trip. We both love Disney but when we booked it, well we didn't really know each other that well. It's a good job our little friendship turned into what it is now. I would be simply quite lost without her and I can't think of anyone I'd rather spend the weekend with. 

For me Disneyland has been my dream since I was a little girl. The place that's filled with magic and dreams. Now as much as I'm looking forward to it, it's also scary that now the time is coming so quickly. Next Friday I'll be waking up super early and leaving the country. Me and my chummy, two perfectly capable adults have to go and adult on our own in a different country. That's a scary thought for me. I know we'll be fine. My plan is to just turn everything off, cut off from life for a bit and just enjoy the weekend with the girl that's grown to mean so much to me. 

Well this just seems to be turning into a chummy appreciation post now. I don't know. I'm aware that over the last few months I haven't been as supportive of her relationship as I could be. Little eye rolls and things like that. I feel bad. Her boyfriend is great, he adores her and makes her so happy. I need to make more of an effort but I just struggle with it. I get very attached to people and when someone threatens that I become a little territorial. That sounds awful, like I'm trying to deal with that. Like I guess I've just been so worried that she'll be stolen away because life will just get to hectic. I feel like even if we don't see each other that much in the future we will still be how we are. Like we'll just pause and then play when we see each other. 

Chummy you know I'm super happy for you, I guess I've just been living in my own little bubble and because we got super close really quickly it's odd when you're not there haha. Now if we can drag L out I promise we will all go out as a 4 and do something. Maybe the weekend made me realise that though, whether he likes it or not.....well your boyfriend is stuck with me because I will be your chummy whether you like it or not. I promise you I'll try more with him, like I sort of get it now. Like the whole boys on the brain thing a little more so I need to be more considerate to you. 

Anyway I can't wait for next weekend. We shall run around like children and meet princesses, characters and just spend the weekend immersed in all things Disney. The last few months have been hard chummy.....thankfully you've been with me every step of the way even when I've been a bitch. Thank you for helping me get through it all, you see past the smiles and just know when somethings wrong. Its meant a lot that you've actually been there for me. I love you lots and cant wait to spend next weekend in one big chummy adventure.

Lots of love,
Chloe xxx

Friday, 26 August 2016

Loved And Lost |

Hello lovelies,
Over the last few weeks the feeling that I'm slowly losing someone has been getting to me. Im not focusing on that in this post though. Instead its more of a little reflective post. There haven't really been any permanent people in my life. Its like some people are just passing by in the chapters in the book of me. A small part of my life that at one point, meant the world.

Family is a big one of me. Its no secret that I don't speak to my sister any more. I don't want to but she's a love that was sadly lost. I'll always have love for her, she's my sister. I've just had to detach from her. The sad part is that I have so many memories, ones that I still cherish to this day. Like when we were little at devon, me and her sitting on the rocks at dartmeet. The protective big sister that slowey changed over time.

Friends. The ones I never want to have to say goodbye to. To me friends are extremely important but they don't last. They either get bored of me or they just go off and live their own lives. I'm like a little seat filler where friends are concerned. I have so much love for them but I've always been the one who's there when needed. When someone else isn't and they just need someone to occupy their time. It's always been the same. My friends from school. Now looking back, they weren't freinds but at the time they meant everything to me. They were the ones that were there when I needed them sometimes and I do have some good memories with them. 

Now if I see them in the street we just look past each other. Its like we never met. Our little memories meant nothing. We are no more than strangers now. They've just grown up. We're not school girls anymore, what annoys me is the they never saw the real me. I always had to hide parts of my personality that just made me, well just me. 

Love. Loving someone is hard. Escpially when its new. love is just something I've naturally had for people, like for family you don't just love them one day. You grow up with that love. Falling in love with someone is different though, is new and exciting. For me I loved, we all know the story. Well you know part of the story. Not all of it, some people know more than others and that's okay. I wouldn't say I lost that love because they were never mine to lose. It still hurt though. Someone you spend a lot of time with and just learn to love every little thing about them, even the bad things. Some days I wish that had never happened but then I'm glad it did. I'm glad I had to go through that to know what it felt like. 

Through life were are going to meet so many people. Sadly for me, I know that I'm never going to be permenent feature in someones life. The only people I will be a constant to is my family. Friends will maybe try to stay in touch, thats great but I know that at the end of the day all our lives will be hectic. Some will marry and have kids, others will have imporant time consuming jobs. Me, well I'll still be here like usual. It does scare me because the people I have in my life now, I don't want them to be people I've loved and lost. I don't want to lose them but I know its happening. Maybe it just feels like it is, I'm just staring to try and prepare myself for a life without the people I love. That sounds horrible but I need to think ahead. Everyone I love won't be around forever and as scary as that is, well I'm going to have to face it one day.

So far there have been people that have been popping up through all the chapters, where as others have just passed through. I just hope that the ones in the current chapter will still be here by the end of the book.

Monday, 22 August 2016

Diary Of A Third Wheel | V Festival

Hello lovelies,
Day 1 of V festival. Now I'm going to be doing a little diary of the weekend so it will just be little snippets of the weekend. Now I'm currently sitting in the car on the way there. Already feeling like a little third wheel, it'll be okay though. I'm not to worried. I mean I have just been in the backseat while chummy and her boyfriend plan a day date. I'm just staying quiet. At the minute I don't know, I just feel like I'm just a little tag along. The weekend will be fine, maybe. I mean I've got my kalms tablets so I'm just going to be dosed up on herbal tablets all weekend. I think it's the best thing for me, if I don't then I'll just spend the weekend probably on the verge of a panic attack most of the weekend.

Now I don't think it helps that at the moment there's the possibility that the girl that made me feel like a third wheel is going, she'll no doubt find us to see chummy so I think I'll just be spending a lot of time in my tent. If I'm honest I think I just feel more awkward because I don't really talk that much to one of the people I'm going with. It would be different if L was going, then I would have someone to talk to if I felt like I was getting in the way.

Okay we're now waiting to go into the campsite. Now I struggled a lot getting my stuff to this point. Like chummy's boyfriend took pity and carried the really heavy bag for me. That just made me feel like a complete embarrassment already. I've had about 3 panic attacks just standing here, not that I'd tell chummy that, I'm still just in the way and I already want to go home. Like I'm tempted just to call mum and get her to come and get me. It hasn't even started yet and I'm already wishing I hadn't come.

A little bit later now and it's okay. Like I'm definitely third wheeling but I have no choice. I've had to use the toilet and it was the worst experience of my life. At the moment I'm just sat outside on my own, to be honest I'm not to fussed. I'm already tired of feeling like the third wheel so this is just perfect. The two of them on their own and I can just leave them to it. Another thing that I knew would happen, well it's happened. Already we've had mention of his best friend. The guy that's a complete d*ck. Like I know my limits when I mention it as a joke. It's just got to me already. I knew he'd be mentioned, he's his best friend but it's still so annoying. I didn't want my weekend to be ruined. I didn't want to have to hear about him and I already have. I have a feeling that the weekend is just going to be filled with little stories that involve him that I just don't want to hear.

The third wheeling feeling is really kicking in. When they're on their own they are super chatty. When I'm there it just feels like awkward silence. I'm trying but it's just so hard, I know I'm in the way and they both have a better time without me. I'm here now so unless I get a cab home, well I'm going to have to stay just as the third wheel all weekend. Is it bad that I feel like it? I'm just not into being around couples. Especially couples that are so loved up and committed. I just want L at this point. I want a distraction and I know he would be it, just on hand to talk to and just make me giggle and take my mind off clearly getting in the way.

Okay it's got worse. Just been made to feel like a little memory that I have just means nothing, like one of the people involved didn't even want to be there. Apparently just sitting in a car park and with lots of eye roll emojis. That's just made me feel like that evening that seemed so perfect was just wasted. Like it literally meant nothing. I just want to go home, hopefully I can steal L away for a bit next week to have some time just to talk and just have some time just the two of us. It's actually quite nice. Like he gets it and it's just so good to have someone who understands, just makes me feel a little less alone.

Okay this whole weekend is just going to be me in the way. I know he won't but I'm half tempted to just call L and see if he'd pick me up later, I know mum can't so he's my only option. Note to self. If you know your best friends going somewhere with her boyfriend. DO NOT GO!!!!! To be fair when I was thinking about it he wasn't going, I just didn't want her to be on her own all weekend. I'm now just laying in my tent on my own, not very fun but this is why I just downloaded some films. My weekend is going to consist of me being on my own, occasionally making small talk while wanting to talk to my best friend. This three just can't work. I want it to for chummy's sake but I know my place.

Threes work when it's not a couple. Like me, chummy and L work and time goes by so quickly. This doesn't. I want it to but it just won't. I'm always going to feel like I'm just in the way, why? Because I am and it's clear that I am. I'm just sat there while they're clearly trying to do couple stuff, cute little leg strokes and I'm just in the way. I know I am and I just hate feeling like it. I just rang my mum in tears, she said come home but she can't get here. I can't get the train home because I have so much stuff to take back back with me. I don't even think I'm going to go and see any artists, I don't want to. I want to just keep to myself. This is just a complete waste of money for me. I'm not needed here or wanted.

Okay and it's just getting worse. Getting in the way of cute couple time just really isn't fun. It's just boring me now. I know I'll get moaned at for saying it but it's not fun. Sitting with the cute couple is proving very difficult, I'm serving no purpose here. Just getting in the way. I've already taken about ten kalms tablets and they are really not helping this weekend. I don't know, maybe I'm just being paranoid but I can tell he doesn't want me here. I get it. I'm just the fat friend that's getting in the way, I don't want this situation either but we're stuck in it now.

So I'm sick of this already but I've decided to just plan a nice day out. I'm just going to see if L wants to do something when I get back. No doubt he's working or at the gym, or just won't want to. I just want to be able to have something else to look forward to. I feel like it's going to be the only thing getting me through this weekend. At the minute I'm just hearing giggles from the other tent and I just feel like I need to go home now.

Right, we went to see Annie Mac. I was just starting to actually enjoy myself. We got back to our tents to see that someone had pitched in the space we have for our chairs. There wasn't a lot but now they are right outside. I'm now even more isolated from chummy and I can hardly get into my tent without feeling paranoid. Like I've just had the worst panic attack. Chummy was like it's okay we can just sit round here. It's not okay, who the f*ck does that! Like literally in front of all the entrances to our tents. I've just shut myself off from the both of them. I know it's rude but I've just gone into full panic mode. I've just spent the past 30 minutes balling my eyes out silently, I had about 10 kalms in a row and nothing helped. At this point I just want my mum, I want to be anywhere but here. L said it will be okay but he's not here. He isn't here experiencing this awful/awkward thing with me so can't really say it'll be okay.

Much later now. I got a tiny bit of sleep but woke up really badly needing a wee. Now I tried to hold it as long as I could, I didn't want to but I had to get re-changed and go out all by myself to go and use the hideous toilets. I hated it. I stupidly thought it might not be as busy but it's almost midnight, of course it's busy. Now the toilets were covered in p*ss so my shoes are ruined. I only brought one pair, I was trying to pack light but now I have rancid shoes and they're making me feel sick. Now I managed to get back okay. Like I didn't think I would but I got back in one piece, I didn't want to go on my own but I couldn't wake chummy up because I needed a wee. It's ridiculous, I wait for her to wake up if I stay at her house but I'll go out on my own, surrounded by drunks and people high as kites just to go to the toilet. Anyway I'm going to try and get some sleep, not that I'll be able to because there's some girls next to me now re-doing the tents.

Right it's a lot better today. I had a terrible sleep but at least I'm feeling a lot calmer today. I loved DNCE, James Morrison was great. The crowds overwhelmed me a lot though. Like I knew it would be busy but it all just got to me. I'm now sitting in silence because I've clearly p*ssed off chummy's boyfriend. Let's just say at this point I'm probably just going to go back to the tent early. I don't want to miss Bastille or Justin Bieber. I feel like I'm going to have to though. It's clearly me that's in the way and I'm sick of just feeling like I'm in the way now. I've been messaging L but he's been no help so far. I know he's at work but I just want to talk to someone and I feel like he would actually make me feel a little better about his situation right now. I'm just hoping to he replies later. I'm going to ask him to call me, hopefully he will and I'll have signal. 

This was becoming a decent day but now I've just p*ssed someone else off and I'm just bored now. I'm hoping I can just escape later and sneak away back to my tent. Chummy's saying no because it's to busy, I'm not needed here so I think it's best if I just go back to my tent. Give them some couple time, time away from me because all I am right now is just the annoying friend. I won't be coming again, well not as a three. When I saw three I mean me, chummy and her boyfriend. If L comes then of course I'll go. I'd have someone who I could actually talk to and not feel awkward.

What annoys me most is I spent the whole day looking forward to seeing Troye Sivan and it was ruined. I spent more time worried that I'd p*ssed of someone than actually enjoying the one artist I wanted to see at V. Once again I've let a man ruin something I look forward to. I guess it's rather clear now and I know that something a friend said is now extremely true. I just guess I didn't want it to be so soon. It's going to be though. Threes do not work. They can't. It also doesn't help that I've seen so many people today that look like someone I know. Oh and I also saw someone who looked identical to L. I got so excited and then it hit me that no it wasn't him. He was at home, well probably at work but I just wanted it to be him so much. I needed my friend with me right now, someone to share these little memories and awkward moments with. I'm not really getting that right now. Just observing and I just want to have some fun! Not spend my whole time here knowing that I'm just a spare part not even a part that's going to be needed at any point. The two work fine and I'm just here getting in the way.

I thought this would be a little diary about V. Turns out it's just a diary of a third wheel. How riveting. This is probably the worst experience of my life. Being at something you should love and feeling so out of place is unreal. I'm just left on the end of a three. I know he doesn't want me here. I'm not stupid, I can sense that he doesn't need me hanging around like the annoying fat girl I am. Chummy feels like it's fine, like I'm not the third wheel. I am. I'm sure he doesn't mean to make me feel like it but he does. It's not her in this situation and it's killing me. I can't even enjoy one of my favourite bands because I'm just on my own. They're with me, I'm on the end and they're doing the couple thing of holding hands. I get that. It's cute and all that but how am I supposed to feel. Interrupting a cute moment. I just need to talk to L. I need some sanity over this weekend.

Now I'm missing Sia and Bieber. I desperately wanted to see them but I felt so awkward and on my own at Bastille that I just left, waddled back to my tent and just called my mum and broke down with her. I was having an okay time. Maybe when I'm with chummy and co I just need to be drunk. That sounds bad but then little things like that just go by unnoticed, I don't care if I'm in the way. Anyway I've finally eaten something today. A pringle wrap isn't the healthiest thing to eat but that's all I have. Ohhhh and I spoke to my aunt today. I called to say I've recorded DNCE for my cousin, she wanted to see them but couldn't get tickets. It was so nice to hear her voice, she always knows just how to calm me down.

Okay I'm not going to lie to you, somehow Sunday got deleted. I'm a little gutted so I'm going to try and just quickly remember what happened and go from there. Now Sunday was much better, my favourite act was on. The sun was shining and I just felt a little more included. I woke up and me and chummy had a lovely chummy breakfast all snuggled in my tent. It's bad but I'm so happy I got to steal her away for that. I just needed some chummy time in a very full on couple weekend. Granted breakfast did included a very strong vodka Coke and a Frosties bar, that's just a small point though. Now after that I got to steal her away a little more to do make up and just have the time I needed.

The time between waking up and going to the arena was long. Now we just went in separate tents, the invite was there to go into her tent but j just didn't feel comfortable, instead I finally got my reply from L. I was so happy. I just needed my favourite dudes advice on a certain mater. Granted he was not much use and just told me what I knew. Now I tried calling him but he ignored it, apparently breakfast was a tad more important than me in a meltdown. Now this is going to sound petty but it's a minor thing. We got temporary tattoos, we thought it would be a fun little activity for us to do. Now yes I was invited into her tent but I just wished that she'd just come in mine and we could have done them. Instead I was just on my own doing them, just sat looking at each other from our tents.

Okay so Lukas Graham was phenomenal, I knew he would be good but that was just another level. I adore Lukas Graham and I'm so happy I finally got to see him live. Now as much as I'm not feeling as much of a third wheel, well there are still moments that just make me super uncomfortable. We're sitting under a tree waiting for Tom Odell, the man I have waited years to see. I just sort of wanted to enjoy it the best I could. Now the lead up to that, all I heard was plans for future baby themes. Like its just weird. I'm selfish I'll admit that, but I'm just not ready for that. Like I know one day it will happen but it's just that in that moment we were at a festival. Now I left early for Tom Odell. I told them I wasn't fussed but it sort of killed me a little. Tom Odell is someone that I've waited to see for years, I was gutted I couldn't get tickets for his show and this was an almost perfect setting. I was under a massive tree, I could hear the piano keys and the amazing talent that is Tom Odell. Now looking at the situation again I'm happy we left, I just needed to make sure chummy was okay and thats far more important than music.

Now the evening got a little better, Rhianna was the final act and even though she was 25 minutes later. Well she was worth the wait. There's been a lot of artist this weekend that I've said "oh I'm not that fussed" about, I even said it about Rhianna because I knew her boyfriend wanted to see the Kaiser Chiefs. I'm just so happy I got to go and see her. She was just phenomenal. Now I know exactly why I had a better time. I'd been drinking, as bad as this is......I can only third wheel when I've been drinking. I just feel less in the way. Another artist I was rather happy to see was Travis. The songs have been played all through my childhood and I sort of never knew who sang then until now. It just made me feel like I was at home, with my dad playing their songs on the guitar while I attempted to sing along.

I actually had the best sleep though. I was tired, had a headache and just was in the worst pain. Apparently that just makes for a very good sleep. I guess I've learnt a lot over this weekend. Here's a little rundown of what I've learnt:

Threes don't work if it's a couple plus one.

As much as I say I don't, I still need my mum and dad when I'm upset.

I missed L a lot more than I thought. I guess I just know it would be the perfect weekend to make new memories with one of my favourite people.

My chummy isn't really my chummy, she's someone else's and I have a very hard time sharing her. Especially with someone I know means much more to her. That's weird because I never normally struggle with that. I don't have that issue if I share her time with L. I don't know, I think it's because the dynamics different. I suppose it's when people are just out of the league you're in. Like I can't compete and that's fine. Like I mentioned that one of her birthdays presents had arrived and I was told that he's getting loads. I don't know why he felt the need to tell me that, like its some kind of game. I don't have the luxury of a full time job, that means I can't afford to get my chummy everything I want, if I could afford it id get her the world. Like I would for all the people I love. That's why I'm making her have her presents the day before. I don't really want to go round there to give them to her, I know it won't be a chummy moment and as selfish as that is, I just want that to be between us. Like yes it's just presents but I don't know. Know I just feel like anything I buy won't be good enough, I'm aware it won't be but I'd just rather it be the two of us. Like it was for my birthday when I opened my presents.

Camping is not for me.

Portable toilets are vile.

I don't think there's much time left for how things are right now. Things are moving at such a rapid pace and I just can't keep up. That's why whenever we do stuff I'm like let's see if L wants to do something. I need to get closer with him because I need him in my life, it's hard enough that one day I'll lose my chummy. I don't think I could handle losing him to.

I don't think there's anything else to be honest. I would do it again because at the end I got into it, I loved it. I just can't do it with this dynamic. L won't ever go so that sort of rules me out for it next year. Who knows what's going to happen in the next year and if I felt this awkward now......I already know I can't handle it next year.

Okay the car journey home is rather quiet. I want to talk but I'm just not really sure I should. I feel like this weekend has just been bad for them, like I've put such a downer on the weekend and I honestly feel so bad. I think I just need to leave chummy alone for a while after this. Maybe she just needs time away from me. I get it. I haven't been the easiest person to deal with this weekend. This is the issue, chummy sees a snippet of my day. She doesn't see the morning me just woken up and she doesn't see the moody me when I'm tired or upset. My she she's just learnt a bit to much about me this weekend, maybe she doesn't like it. I mean even I don't like me like this, why would she.

Right after I wrote all this me and chummy have been chatting a lot over text like normal. I am fully aware that maybe I've been to paranoid but this is just how I've been feeling at certain points over the weekend. I want to go next year and even if it is as a three again, I just need to learn to not feel like that or just go off on my own. Now chummy you're clearly reading this. I promise I tried not to feel like it, its just an odd dynamic. You know what I think of him, he's great but you know why its awkward for me. I just hope you can forgive me for putting a little downer on the weekend. I love you lots, even if after Disney everything changes.........just know that you've made me such a happier person so thank you.

Friday, 19 August 2016

Me Time |

Hello lovelies,
Me time I something that I need to have. Some people have to be around others and get lonely when they're not. I'm the same sometimes. If I'm around certain people for to long, if I'm apart from them it just feels weird. I crave their time in my life. On the other hand once I get over that, well I love time on my own. I always have and I always will if I'm honest with you. For me I think this is because when I was little I was home schooled. I went from being around 30 children in a class to just being on my own. 

I'm used to being around people then just being cut off from it all and I love it. I used to love it just being me. Recently I've been spending a lot of time with people but its becoming clear that its not always going to be that way. I'm okay with that, its just going to take some time to get used to it. That's why at the minute my me time has been taking step back. I've missed it. I think I've been spending a lot of time with one person because I know at some point, its all going to stop. My mindset has worked in the way that I just need to make the most of it. 

I need to stop that. Yes I love spending time with people but I forgot just how much I like me time as well. Now I have two close friends, one who loves being around people and the other isn't to fussed. They enjoy it when they have it but they don't need to see people all of the time. I used to be that person but I've just got a little to caught up at the minute to just take some time for me.

Life has been going at a million miles an hour recently, things have happened that have just broken my heart and instead of focusing on me. I just went full force on spending time with people. Something I loved but now I just need time to process it on my own. So here is a little list of how I like to enjoy my me time. This is basically the perfect night in for me.

Bubble bath |
When I get to have some me time, I run myself the worlds bubbliest bath. Use some lush products, a face mask and just lay in a hot bath and just let the worries wash away. 

Candles |
Nothing beats a scented candle. That's a lie, the one thing that beats a scented candle, is a lot of candles. I have little tea light candles dotted around my room. I make sure my bedroom is all tidy and I light them all. It just makes my room look and feel so cosy. I can sit and watch a candle burn for hours, just watching the flames dance around is just so relaxing to me.

Ella Henderson |
My music choice for my me time is normally Ella Henderson. I just find her music so soothing and it always relaxes me. Normally I'll just lay on my bed, candles lit and listen to her album for a few hours. Its the perfect way for me to just escape the world for a little while.

Reading |
A good book helps me escape for a bit. I love it when I just can't put my book down. I'm starting to re-read the harry potters and its been so nice to get lost in another world again. It just takes me away and really helps me to just forget about things for a while.

Writing |
Some days I'll be in a writing mood. For me, taking myself away to my little space online helps me to relax. I find that my writing is better because its not forced, not rushed. Some nights I can write about 3 or 4 posts, which I then feel really proud of myself for. I may not be the best writer but its my little escape.

Snuggled in bed |
During my me time there is nothing I love more get all cosy in my bed. Snuggling into a little cocoon of pillows and blankets. A sleepy me always appreciates my bed during me time.

Movies |
A good movie is always needed for me. Normally my choice is hot fuzz. My favourite film, its just such an easy watch and I know the script really well. It never fails to make me laugh and its my little pick me up film. If not you can't beat a good Disney film.

Wednesday, 17 August 2016

What I Got For My Birthday | 19th

Hello lovelies,
I know it was a few weeks ago but I wanted to show you some of the things I got for my birthday. Now most of my presents were either gift cards or money, so I can't really show pictures of those. This is just a little selection of what I got. My aunts still getting my gifts, she's been on holiday a lot recently.

From mum and dad I got this tangled storybook ornament. I love it so much, its just so pretty and I now have it proudly on display. Lately I've been loving collecting the Disney ornaments like this and I'm hoping to grow my collection over time.

From the lovely lady at work I got this lovely little tea light holder. I think its just so cute and I can't wait to pop this on display. 

Another one from mum and dad, now I mentioned I liked rainbow ice one time and this is all I'm ever given now. Like its actually the worst one and I currently have 4 bottles. I'm feeling like one of them is going to be re-gifted at some point haha.

Copper is a colour that I obsess over. Mum and dad got me this lovely little jewellery box, very useful as I normally just have jewellery scattered all over my room. Now I have the perfect place to keep it all.

Since I'm going to Disney soon, I needed a decent sized travel bag. This is such a good size and I just love the colour. Dusky pink with rose gold zips on it. I'm sure this will have plenty of space for what I need to take.

Onto the gifts from chummy. These ones actually meant quite a lot to me. The first thing I got was this Disney princess balloon. Its been a few weeks and its still going strong. 

The second gift I got was Baymax! Now chummy knows I've wanted him for a while but she also knows I love a nice hug, she said he's for when I need a baymax cuddle. She doesn't really like hugs which is a shame, I'm a very cuddly person and if I'm upset I just need a chummy hug but now I have baymax to cuddle when I'm feeling a little sad.

Last but certainly not least are these stunning Minnie ears. As you all know, me and chummy are off to Disneyland Paris in a few weeks and I'm so excited. We both have these ears and they are just going to look so cute at night.

I also got a lovely lot of cards from the ladies at work, a lovely card from L which had the most perfect handwriting in and got gift cards and money. To be honest the gifts were all lovely but the day I had was so special to me. I got to spend it with the two people I have grown to love so much over the last 6 months. 

Monday, 15 August 2016

What happened last week | August 8th-14th

Hello lovelies,
Last week was a bit stressful but I actually had a pretty fun week. Also something I thought wouldn't happen did, let's just say maybe some feelings have re-surfaced but I'm just pushing them to the back of my mind haha.

Monday |
On Monday I had a 10-2 at work. It was okay but over the last few months I haven't worked Monday's, it was just a bit weird. Now aside from work I just went home, got my writing done and then ended up at the gym with chummy. I've actually been loving the gym lately. For me it's such a good way to get rid of stress and I just feel so good when I'm done.

Tuesday |
Day one of two days off. I spent my morning in the gym, we got there rather early. It was really nice to have a morning gym session, I didn't think I'd be the type to say that. After that we went swimming. Now this was a rather big deal for me. That sounds weird, let me explain. I am quite conscious about what I look like, I hate certain parts of my body but mainly my legs. Luckily I wore my swim shorts and ended up have a nice swim with chummy. It didn't help that we saw our duty manager in the pool. In the afternoon I just relaxed for a while if I'm honest. I just wanted to have a night snuggled in bed. Oh and L finally spoke to me. I left our group message on Facebook and that soon got his attention. He's just had a lot going on lately, but we're fine and it's nice to have him back.

Wednesday |
On Wednesday I had another day off. This time is was just me, I went out to try and get some clothes for V but I didn't really like what I got. I was going to go to the gym but all my eyes had swollen and I'm not sure why, I think it was hay fever and I just didn't really feel going on my own. I spent my evening planning and writing out the next few weeks blog posts. I have so much going on in the next two weeks and I just needed to get a few posts done. I'm really happy with them and I can't wait for you to read them.

Thursday |
Back to work on Thursday and it was a pretty fun shift. Now chummy left earlier than me so I was left with some of my favourite people, one who then told our duty manager that I was laughing so much because of him in speedos. Now I was cry laughing because she made a rather inappropriate joke, he then happened to come in and I'd told them we saw him swimming. We both went bright red and then he left saying "next time" giggled and then walked off. Chummy picked me up and we went for a nice little gym session after work. We then decided we wanted to go out shopping. After chummy waiting outside mine for a few minutes, I got changed and we were on our way to do what we both do best. I got a few new bits for V, my Harry Potter too I wanted and the Disney animators mug. We then broke our no McDonalds rule and ended up people watching in the car park while devouring our dinner. Chummy time was just so blissful and just what I needed.

Friday |
Another day off and I was just very bored. I decided to do some baking for my lovely lot at work. Chocolate and salted caramel was my choice. This is my first bit of proper baking since the kitchens been done, it was just so good. I had my music on, my tea and I was finally back got doing what I loved. I got some more writing done and then went for a quick gym session in the evening and we saw L down there. Now I haven't seen L since my birthday drinks night and it was just so nice to see him. Like I have to actually see someone to make sure they're okay.

Saturday |
I woke up in the worst pain but I had work at 11. I went in very early so I could have some time with chummy before my shift and bring in the cupcakes for them. Saturday was also the day I finally got to see my chumster. It's been two weeks since I've seen him and I've genuinely missed him so much. I had my other favourite person back at work and it was just a pretty good shift. Also tmi but I finally came on, I say finally. That makes it sound like I thought I was pregnant. Hell to the no. Considering I'm still a virgin that would be a rather odd conception haha. I was two weeks late and I put that down to lots of stress lately, I was so worried that it was going to hit for V festival. I mean I'm actually saying that chumster is my lucky charm. I haven't seen him for two weeks and the day I saw him, it finally happened haha. I also felt a little guilty. I spent most of my shift chatting to chumster and neglected my chummy a little. I just needed to cheer him up. The rest of the shift was okay, not great but it was all over at 4. I went hope, had some dinner and just wanted sleep. I also got some kalms tablets. Chummy recommended them for when I do my driving lessons but I wanted to try to them to make myself a little less stressed for V. I had the best nights sleep.

Sunday |
Work on Sunday just dragged so much. Luckily I was away from the customers and it was pretty fun. I woke up in the morning though and I'd had such a weird dream, someone was involved in the dream and maybe some old feelings are re-surfacing. I'm not sure why, well I know why but I'm just going to put those it the back of my mind. I know that would never be a thing, maybe it's just because I'm rather concerned for this person. Like they are so lovely and it breaks my heart a little that someone's hurt them. Anyway my chumster got me fudge from his holiday, he went to my favourite place in the world and knows how much I love the fudge there. I spent my evening snuggled in bed watching the worlds end, twice.

Well that's what happened last week. I had some great chummy time, I got to see my two favourite guys and I'm finally stressing much less after V now.

Friday, 12 August 2016

V Festival | Im Panicking

Hello lovelies,
This time next week I'll be heading to V festival. I'm now really starting to panic and its actually making me feel sick at the thought of going. Now I haven't been to a festival before so for me its stepping into the unknown. 

I have everything sorted and I know that I'll be fine but there is so much about the weekend that is stressing me out already. I saw an advert for V on youtube and even though I've seen it before, well its made me stress. I'm not great with crowds. I don't mind them but the thought of being huddle together with a bunch of strangers really makes me panic. I hate it. The only way I handle big crowds is if I'm drunk. Something I plan on not being while I'm there.

Time of the month. Another stress is that I think my monthly visitor is waiting to make an appearance on V weekend. Not the best considering I'm camping and the toilets there are tiny and from what I've heard, disgusting. I just don't know what I'm going to do if that happens if I'm honest. 

The feeling like I'm just going to be getting in the way all weekend is really getting to me. My role for the weekend is just going to be third wheel and I just don't really want to be that. Like I just hate feeling like I'm in the way and I know that's how I'm going to feel all weekend. 

If I'm honest I shouldn't have agreed to go, festivals aren't me. Yes I haven't been to one before but I already know that I'm going to hate most of it. Its just the overwhelming crowds that are going to scare me. No doubt I'll end up having a few mini panic attacks but I just need to keep them to myself. If it all gets a bit to much then I think I'll just take myself back to my tent. This is basically going to be a waste of money but its to late for me to back out. 

I want to be one of these people who love things like this but I'm not. The thought of being that close to people is just scary, the fact that I'll probably be on isn't helping. My aim is to do like a little summery of each day to just document how I feel, what its like and bits like that. I'm not going to tell chummy all of this because I don't want her to worry. Yes she reads my posts but not that much, she probably wont read this so I know I'm okay to tell all of you. 

I just feel like this year I've pushed myself further than I thought I would. I've been places I didn't think I'd go and I've done thing that scared me. This just seems a bit to much for me. I know for a fact that I won't go next year, one the money side of things is just to much and two, well this just really isn't me. Maybe its because after I get back from V there's only a short amount of time before Disney. I just wanted a whole month to get super excited for Disney, that hasn't happened.  Instead I'm sitting here stressing about going to a festival. If I'm honest the sooner its over the better, I just want to get home and get ready for Disneyland.

That's about it from me today. Have any of you been to V? Am I just worrying to much? Anyway time will tell I suppose but the only thing that's going to get me through the weekend is knowing that when we come home, we have a little cinema trip planned with one of my favourite people.

Wednesday, 10 August 2016

Scrub Love | Mint Temptation*

Hello lovelies,
Last week scrub love contacted me asking if I would like to try one of the coffee scrubs they make. Now this is the first time a brand has contacted me, I was a little hesitant but they are such an amazing company and after reading about them I just couldn't miss this opportunity. They very kindly sent me the mint temptation coffee scrub, that's what I'm going to be talking to you about today. 

Firstly I wasn't expecting a full size product but they kindly sent me one, now I've used scrubs before and they've been a little hit and miss with me. I normally use the coffee face mask from lush, this one is so much better compared to that. Now if I didn't like a product we all know I'd just say, this however was a pleasant surprise. 

I got rather excited when I saw this amongst the parcels on my bed, the envelope it came it was just super pretty and the packaging is just so cute. It's a zip lock pouch and I just love how cute it is. On the back are the ingredients and instructions on how to use it. What I love about this is that its not just boring like other brands, this one has adorable labels and it makes it so much easier to read whats actually in the product. 

Onto the actual product. The mint temptation scrub contains the following ingredients, now I'm going to be cheeky and copy these from the website. I just feel they can explain the benefits better than I could.

Ground coffee is nature's finest exfoliator. It’ll buff away dead skins cells without damaging the delicate new skin underneath. A high caffeine content in our fresh grinds stimulates circulation, to promote healing in problem areas.
Peppermint Oil |
Naturally anti-bacterial, anti-inflammatory and pore cleansing leads you to a clearer complexion and minty freshness

Tea Tree Oil |
You didn’t know your skin needed this, but we did. It’s antiseptic properties make it great for healing and softening, plus it helps soothe tired muscles.

Dead Sea Salt |
Full of minerals, magnesium and potassium, it’s the best salt to scrub and rub on your skin to stimulate and relax deep into the tissue.

Argan Oil |
The reputation precedes this not-so-secret celebrity favourite. High in fatty acids and vitamin E, it’s easily absorbed into your skin to moisturize and combat dark spots - leaving your soft and glowing!

Aloe Vera |
Famous world round for it’s anti-septic cooling and healing properties. It’s also packed with vitamins A, B, C & E and Beta Carotene which give it anti-aging properties as it nourishes your skin.

Now I wanted to make sure I had the most relaxing bath to enjoy this with. I lit my candle, ran myself a lovely bubble bath and popped some music on. Ella Henderson was my choice tonight. I used the scrub on my arms, legs and more importantly my face. It suggests to leave it on for 5 minutes or longer. I had mine on my face for about 15 minutes. Now with me, when I use peppermint products it stings my face and then I just take it off. This one stung a little bit only because it was just super refreshing on my skin. I powered through and after a minute it just felt so good. The stinging went and I was left smelling like mint choc chip ice cream while it was working its magic. 

Now normally my face feels a little rough and not very healthy. After gently rinsing this off my skin felt super smooth and just felt so much healthier. Its also left my face looking like it has a little more glow to it. 

Overall I just loved this scrub. I've already got my eye on the coconut affair scrub they do. The minute payday arrived I think I'll have to buy and try it. They also do just a regular coffee scrub so if you are interested in any of the products head over to and if you want to find out more information about the company then just click here

Monday, 8 August 2016

What Happened Last Week | August 1st-7th

Hello lovelies,
Last week is a week that I'd rather not remember. My weeks been full of people ignoring me and little stresses of life bubbling away. Apart from that I've had an alright week. Wasn't the best but not the worst. 

Monday |
On Monday I went for a little gym session with chummy, we didn't spend to long in there because I had to go to work. In the evening I went into work, now Monday lates are normally fun. This one wasn't and I just couldn't wait to escape the place. 

Tuesday |
Another late at work for me and I was actually looking forward to this shift. It was another chummy shift and it was nice to have chummy while my mind was away somewhere else. I got a little stressy but once chummy knew why, well she was very understanding. Tuesday was also the day that I finally ordered all the beauty and the beast tsum tsums. I was so happy that I managed to get them all.

Wednesday |
My first day off for the week and I was having a lovely day just having some me time. I read nearly all of Harry Potter and the cursed child and then I was off to the gym. Me and chummy did so well, we were in the gym for 5-7 then we had a zumba class at 7:30. When I got home I just immersed myself in the wizarding world and finally finished the cursed child. If you haven't read it yet then you need to start it. It was phenomenal and I'm actually planning on re-reading it.

Thursday |
We had a nice morning gym session after our zumba class, then got a little spot of lunch. I then just spent the rest of my afternoon watching a few films and getting some writing done. I also took pictures of all my beauty and the beast tsum tsums for my blog post.

Friday |
My last day off work and I got a bit go writing done. Cleaned my room, just basically got little errands done. I met chummy at the gym for a little workout then we headed out shopping. I went a little mad in Disney store and got myself some really cute things. I got my belle mug, baby dory, Mrs.Potts and hank. It was just so nice to have a chummy shopping day and just spend extra time with my best friend.

Saturday |
Work wasn't that much fun but I did have a pretty easy day if I'm honest. When I got home I just wanted to nap and watch TV. I was also watching for my aunt and uncle to come home, that sounds really weird. They've been away to my home away from home for a week and I was so excited for them to come home. When I saw they were all home safe I went and watch hot fuzz, the worlds best film, before drifting off to dreamland.

Sunday |
Work was decent. Not the best but not the worst. After me and chummy had planned a little gym session. Now we went to the gym but it looked like they were hoovering, that meant was just made up an excuse and left. That did mean we got to go on a little pokehunt and I managed to get 2 eggs! I got home, dad surprised me with a Ted baker make up bag and we had the best Chinese. In the evening my aunt, uncle and littlest cousin came round with fudge and little gifts from their holiday. My cousin was in such a cuddly mood and it just made me so happy. It was so nice but a little sad to hear all about their holiday, I'm just so glad they all had an amazing time.

Well that's what happened last week. I wont lie to you. Its a little bittersweet. Over the last two weeks I've had constant chummy time, her boyfriend got back from his holiday yesterday and its just a little weird. He's such a lovely guy and I'm happy he's back, it'll be nice to see her all loved up again but its been nice to just try and get over a tiny little heartbreak without seeing loved up couples. I'm just very used to consuming chummy's time at the moment so it'll take me a little time to adjust to him being back as we wont be in full on chummy mode. Of course I will be stealing her away for fun little days though, he doesn't get to have all the fun haha.

Friday, 5 August 2016

Beauty And The Beast | Tsum Tsums

Hello lovelies, 
We all know by now that I'm a rather obsessive tsum tsum collector. Being a massive beauty and the beast fan, well this was my most anticipated collection and I'm rather please to say that I got all the collection. I woke up so early and really didn't think I would be able to get them all, anyway I just love this collection so much and I want to show them off to you.

Beast | 
They have got the detailing just so right on the beast. Unlike other tsum tsums I've had these ones are quite soft and fluffy. I love how much detail they have done on his face, I honestly thought they would just do him like other princes and just pop some eyes on him. It pleases me a lot that they've dressed him in his tale as old as time outfit, they've even added little details that make what he's wearing even more perfect.

Belle |
My favourite Disney princess in tsum tsum form and I couldn't be happier with her. The eye colour, the hair, the dress. She is just so perfect in every way. Also her dress is a different material and its just very pleasing, sounds good but its nice because its almost how I imagine the dress to feel.

Gaston |
Gaston is my favourite Disney villain, why? Because unlike the other villains he's just normal and I think it a good for children to see that not all horrible people cast spells or have dragons. Gaston is just an evil man and very manipulative. They have got his tsum tsum just right, I'm so happy that they chose this facial expression for him. His outfit it just right and he looks so good.

Lumiere |
Another one I adore. I love that fact that he has his little candle hands and the colour are just right for him. I love his face because I can picture all the scenes where he pulls this face. Now I'm going onto his little sidekick and well, he's just to perfect in my eyes.

Cogsworth |
Out of all of them I think I love him most of all. He was never one of my favourites in the film but his tsum tsum is just right in every single way. The colours of him, the face with the clock hand detail and to top it all off, underneath it has the little clock pendulum. They have made him so perfect

Phillipe |
I don't really have much to say about him. He is only in the film for little snippets. Granted they have made him look very similar to Phillipe in the film but he's not one of my favourites.

Chip |
Chip was always my favourite but his tsum tsum disappoints me a little. Like I knew he wouldn't be the best but he just seems very plain. I am happy that they incorporated his little chip though, that made me rather happy.

Maurice |
Again I'm rather impressed with Maurice. They have his hair just right and the detail of his little moustache is just so cute. I also love how they got the colours of his outfit right.

Mrs.Potts |
The last one is Mrs.Potts. Now online I really didn't like her. She just looked really odd but now I have her, well now I'm little in love with her. She was always one of my favourites from the film and I think her tsum tsum just represents her so perfectly. I love that they even added the detail of the hat/lid.

So that's the beauty and the beast tsum tsum collection. I am actually really happy with this set and I just love it so much. They are now all stacked nicely in my frame.