Wednesday, 20 July 2016

Life Moves Pretty Fast |

Hello lovelies,
I'm in a such a happier mood this week and that's basically down to a pretty awesome Saturday night. Last week was pretty sh*t, I made a decision that just left me feeling a little broken again but the highlight of my week was a night spent with my favourite human. So I wanted to document this lovely little night out with you all. Now this was such a perfect night that's its given me a fresh outlook on everything, little things and big things but more importantly it was a night with a very good friend, a friend who I have so much love for.

Anyway at the start of the the week L arranged a little pub night with his mates, chummy and invited me. I won't lie, I felt bad because I thought he just felt like he had to invite me. That wasn't the case but we all know what I'm like, I'm a little worrier and I just couldn't help thinking the worst. At the start of the week there were a few going, by Thursdays a few had dropped out and by Saturday it was down to three. 

The three turned into a two so that meant just me and L. Now it's a silly thing but I didn't want to go, I wanted to of course I did, I just felt like he wouldn't want to because it was me. The girl he's only known for a few months. The girl that sent him an awkward drunk message once. He was still up for it and I'm so glad he was. He's given me lifts home before and that meant it was just the two of us, this time it was different. We went out somewhere knowing it would just be the two of us and it was just so nice. 

I've always just felt like the annoying little tag along to chummy and L but on Saturday I felt like I actually fit in. L is the sweetest and kindest guy. He tells it how it is and that's what I love most about him. He never sugar coats things. Now of course I waited for him to show up before going into the pub. I don't enter pubs alone, why? I just get very nervy. For me it stresses me out and I prefer having someone else with me. I just don't feel like I'm allowed in there, yes I'm 18 but I don't feel like I have the adult thing worked out. 

Anyway I got myself a cider, red berries and lime for those who are interested and we got a nice little spot in the beer garden. I thought it was going to just be awkward silence, it never is but I just worried that we wouldn't function well without chummy. That sounds so stupid but because she basically started our friendship, well I just felt like maybe he wouldn't want to chat if she wasn't there. That was definitely not the case, we chatted about everything. He put my mind at rest about a little worry that I've been having, I mean I still worry but I trust him and only time will tell I suppose. I feel like its a shared worry but I just need to live in the now and not stress about what ifs. We chatted about kn*bhead boy and the reply situation. Granted he told me not to do it but he sat and listened like the good egg he is.

I'm so happy we went out, he has become such a big part of my life over the last few months. I  genuinely have some much love for the boy and would do anything for him. It was just so nice to have that time just the two of us, time to chat and just get to know each other more. Granted he knows most stuff about me but now I have a little memory just with him. I plan on having this boy in my life for a very long time and I now can't imagine a life without him. I don't want anything to change right now, I'm so happy with the people around me. I know it will change one day but if I can keep him and a handful of others then I hope I can. We've even said that we will be needing to do this again, like anything to be honest. 

I've not been in the best place over the last few months, I've wasted months of my life thinking about someone who didn't deserve to rent a space in my mind. It all seems so silly now, I just need to focus on what I have at the minute. I have a family that I adore, a job and the most amazing friends. I like to think I have two best friends now. Not just because I only really have two proper friends, I don't know really. I just feel like they are really special. They are part of my little world and are so awesome. Instead of all the boys that have proved to be utter d*cks L has stuck by me, even after my little "I like you message" haha. I feel like guys from now on have to meet the L standard. Like genuine and not fake, just an all round lovely person. Im just so happy I have this dude in my life. 

I've also got my little passion for writing back again. After a little chat he made me realise what I want, and this is what I want. I want to do the thing I love and I haven't really been inspired to do that for  a while. He knows what he wants from life and so do I, I guess I just didn't think I was able to achieve it. Now? Well now he's made me realise that if I have a passion for it, I can do it. I can do whatever I want as long as I want it enough.

He won't read this but in the odd chance he does, L thank you for a perfect little night. For me its the little things in life that count, the little moments and it was so nice to just go out just the two of us. It was nice for us to just have a night of talking about everything, the little stresses we both have and just light hearted chit chat. For some bizarre reason you wanted to still go out and I'm glad we did. Im so happy I have you in my life now, you tell it how it is but still sit and listen to my boring little problems. So thanks for being the most lovely human going, I hope to have my Chloe and L adventures in the future.