Sunday, 31 July 2016

I'm sorry |

Hello lovelies,
Spontaneous post for you today. Last night was going to be so good but it ended up with me probably ruining one of the best friendships I've ever had. As I'm writing this I'm laying in chummy's bed with a bad headache and the feeling of regret. I'm in chummy's bed because she said I could stay over, nothing weird don't worry. 

Now basically I've been building this night up for a while and this has been my little focus, even last week when I was crying at work, well this was getting me through. A night with my two best friends. Now I'm sending this to L so hello, this is my crazy little world online. Basically a big extension of my brain, the place I put everything I want to say. Now after all the guy stuff I was looking forward to a birthday night out. I got the night out. Another guy came along which was fine but he just had his earphones in all night and then went home, taking L with him.

Now I've basically just acted like mega b*tch because he went home, L not the other one. I don't know why. I guess I was just looking forward to the three of us having a really fun night and I just felt like I'd dragged everyone out for a p*ss poor night. Basically after they went me and chummy wanted to go. The cabs were ridiculous, over £35 each or more to get home when before it was £20 tops. That's not the point of this. The point is that I was upset and once again I've managed to ruin something pretty good.

The more I was thinking about it the more upset I was getting, alcohol sends me one of two ways. Crying drunk or giggling drunk. I know there was nothing to get upset over but it was like this night that was my focus had just ended so abruptly. 

In the end L got his dad to come and pick us up, rather sweet of the boy considering I'd apparently answered the phone to him and he'd heard God knows what. Now because I am sending you this link, here's a little message for you.

L, I'm so sorry. I acted like a stroppy b*tch and have basically now ruined one of the best friendships I've ever had. You'll say it doesn't matter and be sweet about it, it does matter though. I've upset you and it kills me to know that I've lost someone like you (don't forget me........no Chloe don't quote adele get back on track). We met in January and you have become basically one of my best friends. Sorry if that's weird but it's the truth, I have so much love for you it's unreal. Unlike every other d*ckhead you're not like everyone else, you're caring, funny and all the rest. I've just got drunk and upset and have now lost one of the most important people in my world.

So guys while I'm laying here contemplating my silly mistakes, chummy snoring next to me, this is just a post to say don't let alcohol ruin friendships. At the end of the day vodka may solve a problem for a while but in the long run its friends you need. I'm worried I've f*cked up something that made me so happy. Every Time I go out something bad happens and this is by far the worst. L I'm so sorry, you won't want to speak to me I know that but if this friendships over just know that you've honestly made my gloomy little world a hell of a lot brighter of the last few months. I wanted you as a forever person but I know I've ruined it, love you dude and I'm sorry. 

Well I'm off to regret last night and wait for chummy to wake up, I really need a wee but I don't want to walk downstairs alone. 

Lots of love,
Chloe xxx