Sunday, 31 July 2016

I'm sorry |

Hello lovelies,
Spontaneous post for you today. Last night was going to be so good but it ended up with me probably ruining one of the best friendships I've ever had. As I'm writing this I'm laying in chummy's bed with a bad headache and the feeling of regret. I'm in chummy's bed because she said I could stay over, nothing weird don't worry. 

Now basically I've been building this night up for a while and this has been my little focus, even last week when I was crying at work, well this was getting me through. A night with my two best friends. Now I'm sending this to L so hello, this is my crazy little world online. Basically a big extension of my brain, the place I put everything I want to say. Now after all the guy stuff I was looking forward to a birthday night out. I got the night out. Another guy came along which was fine but he just had his earphones in all night and then went home, taking L with him.

Now I've basically just acted like mega b*tch because he went home, L not the other one. I don't know why. I guess I was just looking forward to the three of us having a really fun night and I just felt like I'd dragged everyone out for a p*ss poor night. Basically after they went me and chummy wanted to go. The cabs were ridiculous, over £35 each or more to get home when before it was £20 tops. That's not the point of this. The point is that I was upset and once again I've managed to ruin something pretty good.

The more I was thinking about it the more upset I was getting, alcohol sends me one of two ways. Crying drunk or giggling drunk. I know there was nothing to get upset over but it was like this night that was my focus had just ended so abruptly. 

In the end L got his dad to come and pick us up, rather sweet of the boy considering I'd apparently answered the phone to him and he'd heard God knows what. Now because I am sending you this link, here's a little message for you.

L, I'm so sorry. I acted like a stroppy b*tch and have basically now ruined one of the best friendships I've ever had. You'll say it doesn't matter and be sweet about it, it does matter though. I've upset you and it kills me to know that I've lost someone like you (don't forget Chloe don't quote adele get back on track). We met in January and you have become basically one of my best friends. Sorry if that's weird but it's the truth, I have so much love for you it's unreal. Unlike every other d*ckhead you're not like everyone else, you're caring, funny and all the rest. I've just got drunk and upset and have now lost one of the most important people in my world.

So guys while I'm laying here contemplating my silly mistakes, chummy snoring next to me, this is just a post to say don't let alcohol ruin friendships. At the end of the day vodka may solve a problem for a while but in the long run its friends you need. I'm worried I've f*cked up something that made me so happy. Every Time I go out something bad happens and this is by far the worst. L I'm so sorry, you won't want to speak to me I know that but if this friendships over just know that you've honestly made my gloomy little world a hell of a lot brighter of the last few months. I wanted you as a forever person but I know I've ruined it, love you dude and I'm sorry. 

Well I'm off to regret last night and wait for chummy to wake up, I really need a wee but I don't want to walk downstairs alone. 

Lots of love,
Chloe xxx

Saturday, 30 July 2016

New Focus |

Hello lovelies,
Now some of you will notice that this post is a day late and its just another chatty post. The last few months have been a bit of a blur in some aspects. Now this week has been really weird for me, its been a mix of happy and sad and even though the happy has outweighed the sad, its still a little tough. 
I'm done talking about the bad stuff though and this week I've just lost all focus for my blog. Something that I love has become a little bit go a chore. I just want to take you through what I want to start focusing on over the next few months.

Family |
My family is my little safe haven. We don't always see eye to eye but its them who I always need. Over the last month I've got to spend time with my cousins, now these are kids that I've grown up very close to. I want to get that closeness back and go out and do more things with them. I just want to get back to how things used to be, get to know them so much more and just show them how much they mean to me.

Friends |
Friends are the ones I've been needing most lately. To me they are like my little extended family and I just want to make sure I spend time with them going on little adventures. I know I talk about my friends an awful lot on here, I just attach myself easily to people and for once I've found a little cluster of humans that tolerate me and I just want to have fun with them.

Blog content |
This blog has to be my main achievement, it may not be the best or the most popular but its a part of me that I've created all by myself and I just love it so much. Lately I've lost my passion and have been putting up some really bad content, for that I apologise but I think you all know that I've just got a little lost over the last few months. My aim is to upload content that I have 100% happy with and try to expand different aspects of the blog. I want to do more beauty posts and things like that.

Try new things |
I've tried a lot of new things this year, some of them scar but I'm happy I tried. I want to push myself a little further and no more things that are out of my comfort zone, I want to push myself to new levels and just live a little more instead of being the cautious person I've always been.

Work |
Its my aim to go full time at work, the hours aren't there but I'm asking my manager to show me more things so I became a little more valuable to the department. I'm also thinking about getting another part time job, just to earn a little extra so I can afford to save up.

Health |
Both metal and physical need a little bit of work. The physical side of things just needs me to go to the gym a bit more and eat a lot healthier. The mental side, well that's going to take some time. There's been to much going on lately that while some people know whats happened, well they don't know how its sort of f*cked me up in my head, over the last month I've almost found myself slipping back into old habits but somehow I stopped myself. My mind hasn't been a fun place to be over the last month, I'm getting there slowly but I just need a little time to re-focus my mind and get it back to its happy self.

Well that was an odd post but this is just the things that I want to focus on more over the next few months.

Wednesday, 27 July 2016

19th Birthday |

Hello lovelies, 
Yesterday was my 19th birthday and I had the best day. I thought I would tell you all about the day and just document this little memory with you all. Now on Friday I will be doing a what I got for my birthday post, I just need to take pictures of everything.

I started the day by getting up super early to get ready for work. I did some pretty good wings and that put me in the best mood for the day. It was only my birthday, it was the day I finally got to see chummy again. Now after a nice little reunion in the middle of the supermarket me and chummy went and had some chummy time before work. It was just so nice to have my best friend back after such a bad weekend. My manager got me a card which had a cut little badge on it, the women I work with got me a present and I just felt so happy to have my partner in crumbs back with me.

Now work was actually so much fun, the time went so quickly and I got to spend my day with such a good bunch. Now after work I went home and got ready. Me, chummy and L had all planned to go gown the pub for a little drink and maybe some lunch. Spending a few hours with the two people I love the most what just what I needed. It was just so good to sit and chat for a few hours, time just the three of us. Me and chummy had planned a little snack for later in the evening, that meant we just had a light snack at the pub. 

Dinner was lovely but L went to the gym, that meant chummy time started again. That just meant the two of us laying on my bed watching TV. Now I also showed my mum the gifts chummy got me, now this will be a little sneak peak of what I got but I'm just to excited to wait. This is what chummy got me.......

We went out to get KFC and then came back to watch tattoo fixers. Now we actually missed most of it because L called because there was a massive spider in his room. I felt for the boy but it was just a little funny. 

Now I has the most wonderful day. it was so nice to have people around me to celebrate my birthday with me. That may have been a rather short post but on Friday I'll be showing you what I got for my birthday and I got some really wonderful gifts from people. 

Monday, 25 July 2016

What Happened Last Week | July 18th-24th

Hello lovelies,
Anyone who follows me on twitter may have seen that over the weekend, well I've been a mess. I was having such a good week and at the end of the week I was left feeling numb. Now there is a nice build up the the p*ss poor end so if you want to stick around, get comfy because this is going to be a long one.

Monday 18th |
At the start of the week I was told that I got to have 4 lovely days off in a row. This is only because I have to do overtime that they won't pay, my manger has to take it off my shifts. Now I sorted my whole room out, cleared out all my wardrobe and did a nice little spring clean of my room. I had the day to myself and it was so nice. Just to clear everything out and get rid of things that I didn't need.

Tuesday 19th 
After being separated for the weekend me and chummy finally got to see each other. A weekend may seem like a small amount of time but I just needed to see her. Me and chummy are constant and it was weird not speaking everyday. Now we went for a lovely picnic and then a lovely seaside stroll. It was just so nice to go out and catch up on the weekend. I also called her dude which apparently she found weird, its an L thing to say so for her it was a bit weird that I called her dude. I've put a little picture of us below, now I'm the horrible looking girl in the blue top with the bun as you all know. Chummy is the gorgeous woman next to me.

Wednesday 20th |
A shopping day with my mum was what I needed, so we got in the car and listen to Lukas Graham all the way. Now I got everything I wanted and even got to pick up a few cute little extras. If you want to see what I got then just click this little picture here. In the evening I had a Zumba class with chummy. Now it was boiling hot but we bossed that class. We're a little like Spanish mode buzz from Toy Story 3 or Monica and Ross when they do the routine. If you don't get that reference then please, you're either to young or missed out on the best show. Just google it.

Thursday 21st |
I got to see my favourite person on the planet, my gorgeous aunt. She came round to see us, we had a good chat and she did my eyebrows. She is the best at my eyebrows and makes them look so good. Now I had the rest of the day to just relax and get ready for work the next day.

Friday 22nd |
I was back at work and it was hell. We're a department that's over hours and under staffed. Now everyone was working so hard but we just couldn't cope with it, it was just all to much. Anyway after a pretty bad shift I went home and did a little bit of baking. I was so happy, I was having a very good week, I was back doing what I loved and I had Adele blasting through my headphones. Chummy messaged me to see if id been on Facebook, I hadn't. 

Now I'm not going to tell you what happened, that seems unfair but this is one thing that I don't want online. Its just because my blog is a happy place, granted I'm sad on here sometimes but those are little things. This is something I don't want to be reminded of. Now when I found something out, the music stopped and my heart just sank a little. I was hurting and alone and all I did was cry. Now don't worry no one died or anything, like I didn't find out someone was ill. It just involves a silly boy that I shouldn't have ever met. Now I was in floods of tears, I couldn't stop myself. I was ignoring chummy's messages but the more I did that the more she text. Luckily she offered to pick me up and take me for a drive, she didn't want me to be alone. I got ready, re-did my make up and went out for a bit. I needed my best friend and my god it helped so much. When I got home I tried to sleep but ended up just crying into my pillow.

Saturday 23rd |
I got up for work, got ready and went in. before I start I sit in the canteen for bit, I ran out because I was about to cry. I saw chummy and then went into work. All day I was quiet, every five minutes I wanted to burst into tears. Everyone knew something was wrong but whenever they asked I just shut off, for me if I'm about to cry someone asking whats wrong makes me worse. Normally at work I'm very happy and excitable, they knew it wasn't that I was missing chummy. They just knew something was upsetting me. 

My manager put me on my own but I was getting so frustrated with customers that she put me with the girl my age, I think she knew I needed someone who wasn't very chatty but was there to look after me. I stayed later because someone called in sick, I got to see my chumster which helped a little. Now when I got home I just ran to my bedroom and cried. I talked a lot to chummy and she helped a lot. I don't know what its got to me this much, well I do but that's just for me. Now after crying and crying all night, I finally drifted off to dreamland. The one place I could just escape to for a few hours.

Sunday 24th |
I woke up feeling a little more positive. I went to work with the biggest smile on my face. I knew the day before I had been miserable and on a Sunday, no matter how bad it is.....well I like to be that little pick me up for people. A little reason why they smile. When I got in it was manic but I told chumster the whole sorry story. Now he knows every detail so it was only fair I kept him in the loop. He was so good with me bless him, even though it was busy I was feeling more myself and that's because I had such a good bunch to keep me occupied. My close was awful but its just one of those things. Now my evening was just spend on my own, its just what I needed to be honest. I watched finding Nemo and then beauty and the beast. 

Last week I was so sure that this week would be more positive, that I'd be happier. The end of the week for me saw me at my weakest. My most vulnerable and it hurts. It hurts like hell, I've cried, screamed and just wished to be anywhere else. I couldn't have coped if I didn't have my best friend. I honestly don't know what I would have done. 

Next week will be better, I have cute little days planned. My birthday is on Tuesday and me and chummy are having a film night. Now I messaged L to say have a nice week because I probably wouldn't see him until Saturday, he said I might see him on my birthday. Now I know he's busy but it would be so nice to see him on my birthday. I just need my friends around me right now. The lovely lady at work cheered me up a little with this message. Now she doesn't know what happened but this is what she said "Sorry to hear you having a bad time..i know its easy for me to say but try not to let people get you are a beautiful..kind..caring polite young lady and anyone who thinks otherwise..really isnt worth giving your time too. Xxx always here if you need to have a rant..scream or cry xxxxx". Now i have so many people around me who just want to help and i need to remember that they're the ones who are important.

Friday, 22 July 2016

Shopping With Mum | Haul

Hello lovelies,
On wednesday I had a lovely shopping day with my mum. We never have nice little shopping days like this anymore and it was nice to just spend some quality time with her. I managed to pick up a few things that I've been after for a while, below is a little picture of the bits I got. Now I'll be going through everything to let you know where you can get them from.

Finding Dory top | Primark £6
I'm going to see finding dory next week and I wanted to go themed. I saw this online and I've been desperate to get my hands on it. This is a little big for me but I still got the size down from what I normally get. I like tops like this to be quite roomy.

Beauty and the beast pyjamas | Primark £10
After seeing them on instagram, I instantly fell in love. You will all be aware that beauty and the beast is my faovutie Disney film. I just needed these in my wardrobe. Before I was in an 18-20 but now I manage to fit into the 14-16's. I was thrilled. Now these are just so cute, under this picture I popped a little image of the print on the trousers.

Belle bag charms | Disney store £5.99
I saw these on instagram a while ago and have been searching for them ever since. I was in Disney store on my own and I ran to these. Its all my faouvrtie characters and they are just so cute. I have chip on the zip on my purse now.

Pink purse | New look £12.99
My aunt got me a gift voucher from new look and there wasn't anything I really wanted. I've needed a new purse for a while now I really love this one and its got a lot of space for my cards. All my other purses only have about 4 card slots but my purse is more plastic than paper now days.

Pale blue purse | New look £9.99
Another purse and out of the two this one is my favourite. The front is a big pocket and it holds my phone perfectly. It has a lot of space for cards and this is actually very good instead of a clutch for when I go out.

Chip plastic cup | £4.50
We all know my beauty and the beast obsession. I've been after the chip mug for years, I can't get it in the UK but I saw this plastic one and ran to it. Like literally ran. Its just so cute. Now I won't drink from it, its purely for display at the moment

Mad hatter sign | Primark £2/3
Another little obsession of mine is alice in wonderland. I saw these on instagram and needed to get them. The first is a lovely arrow that says mad hatter tea party. The second one is my faouvrite. I love the glass designs like this and I just think its so pretty.

Finding Dory socks | £2.50
I needed to go all out for finding Dory. I couldn't resit these cute little trainer socks. They are perfect because I will be wearing my minnie mouse vans. 

Maybelline lash sensational luscious | Boots £7.99
I wanted to try this one for a while. I have the regular one but I wanted to see if it makes my lashes look any better. After trying it, I love it. It may not be waterproof but it make my lashes look a lot fuller and I love it.

Foundation, powder, eye liner and concealer | Boots £?????
Im not going to do a massive thing for the next bits. You all know these are just my normal make up products. 

Maybelline vivd matte liquid | Berry boost | Boots £4.99
I have a few of these and I fell in love with this shade. I love a dark lip and this just called out to me.

Mickey mouse water bottle | Disney store £2.98
I wanted a good bottle for the gym and this was just so cute and also in a sale. I would say it holds about 750ml so its perfect for a hot zumba class.

That was everything I got from this little shopping trip with mum. I had such a lovely day and got everything I wanted. I can't wait to have more days like this with my mum. 

Wednesday, 20 July 2016

Life Moves Pretty Fast |

Hello lovelies,
I'm in a such a happier mood this week and that's basically down to a pretty awesome Saturday night. Last week was pretty sh*t, I made a decision that just left me feeling a little broken again but the highlight of my week was a night spent with my favourite human. So I wanted to document this lovely little night out with you all. Now this was such a perfect night that's its given me a fresh outlook on everything, little things and big things but more importantly it was a night with a very good friend, a friend who I have so much love for.

Anyway at the start of the the week L arranged a little pub night with his mates, chummy and invited me. I won't lie, I felt bad because I thought he just felt like he had to invite me. That wasn't the case but we all know what I'm like, I'm a little worrier and I just couldn't help thinking the worst. At the start of the week there were a few going, by Thursdays a few had dropped out and by Saturday it was down to three. 

The three turned into a two so that meant just me and L. Now it's a silly thing but I didn't want to go, I wanted to of course I did, I just felt like he wouldn't want to because it was me. The girl he's only known for a few months. The girl that sent him an awkward drunk message once. He was still up for it and I'm so glad he was. He's given me lifts home before and that meant it was just the two of us, this time it was different. We went out somewhere knowing it would just be the two of us and it was just so nice. 

I've always just felt like the annoying little tag along to chummy and L but on Saturday I felt like I actually fit in. L is the sweetest and kindest guy. He tells it how it is and that's what I love most about him. He never sugar coats things. Now of course I waited for him to show up before going into the pub. I don't enter pubs alone, why? I just get very nervy. For me it stresses me out and I prefer having someone else with me. I just don't feel like I'm allowed in there, yes I'm 18 but I don't feel like I have the adult thing worked out. 

Anyway I got myself a cider, red berries and lime for those who are interested and we got a nice little spot in the beer garden. I thought it was going to just be awkward silence, it never is but I just worried that we wouldn't function well without chummy. That sounds so stupid but because she basically started our friendship, well I just felt like maybe he wouldn't want to chat if she wasn't there. That was definitely not the case, we chatted about everything. He put my mind at rest about a little worry that I've been having, I mean I still worry but I trust him and only time will tell I suppose. I feel like its a shared worry but I just need to live in the now and not stress about what ifs. We chatted about kn*bhead boy and the reply situation. Granted he told me not to do it but he sat and listened like the good egg he is.

I'm so happy we went out, he has become such a big part of my life over the last few months. I  genuinely have some much love for the boy and would do anything for him. It was just so nice to have that time just the two of us, time to chat and just get to know each other more. Granted he knows most stuff about me but now I have a little memory just with him. I plan on having this boy in my life for a very long time and I now can't imagine a life without him. I don't want anything to change right now, I'm so happy with the people around me. I know it will change one day but if I can keep him and a handful of others then I hope I can. We've even said that we will be needing to do this again, like anything to be honest. 

I've not been in the best place over the last few months, I've wasted months of my life thinking about someone who didn't deserve to rent a space in my mind. It all seems so silly now, I just need to focus on what I have at the minute. I have a family that I adore, a job and the most amazing friends. I like to think I have two best friends now. Not just because I only really have two proper friends, I don't know really. I just feel like they are really special. They are part of my little world and are so awesome. Instead of all the boys that have proved to be utter d*cks L has stuck by me, even after my little "I like you message" haha. I feel like guys from now on have to meet the L standard. Like genuine and not fake, just an all round lovely person. Im just so happy I have this dude in my life. 

I've also got my little passion for writing back again. After a little chat he made me realise what I want, and this is what I want. I want to do the thing I love and I haven't really been inspired to do that for  a while. He knows what he wants from life and so do I, I guess I just didn't think I was able to achieve it. Now? Well now he's made me realise that if I have a passion for it, I can do it. I can do whatever I want as long as I want it enough.

He won't read this but in the odd chance he does, L thank you for a perfect little night. For me its the little things in life that count, the little moments and it was so nice to just go out just the two of us. It was nice for us to just have a night of talking about everything, the little stresses we both have and just light hearted chit chat. For some bizarre reason you wanted to still go out and I'm glad we did. Im so happy I have you in my life now, you tell it how it is but still sit and listen to my boring little problems. So thanks for being the most lovely human going, I hope to have my Chloe and L adventures in the future.

Monday, 18 July 2016

What Happened Last Week | July 11th-17th

Hello lovelies,
Last week was a mixture of emotions. Luckily for me it got worse before it got so much better. So like usual, if you want to hear all about my week then stick around and grab a nice cup of tea. Well lets gets started shall we?

Monday 11th |
This was the start of three lovely days off. This is quite rare for me, I'm normally in on alternate days so I get one day off in between. Luckily for me, I was needed for the end of the week so I got a nice little chunk off. Now I had a pretty relaxed day and then in the evening I finally started my scrapbook. This is something that I've been meaning to do for ages, I grabbed my little A5 scrapbook,  photos, ruler, pencil and my sharpie. For me there is nothing more therapeutic than getting crafty. Im so happy with how it looks so far. I will of course be doing a little post about it, I've called it "One day like this a year". Some of you may remember I did a blog post called that, about the lovely day I had with two very important people.

Tuesday 12th |
Hmmmm. Tuesday was a weird one for me. I messaged this guy, even though L had said don't. Chummy said yes. Now I just thought I might as well, I was going to get an answer and no matter what it was at least I'd know. He didnt reply, proving what a d*ckhead he really is. The only person I told was Lou, I just wanted to tell someone who would be on my side. Anyway I didnt cry, I just sat and went right. Well what a waste of my time. The realisation that I let this silly boy rent a space in my head for a few months, well that just made me angry. I just needed to vent to someone and I was so happy I had Lou to just let me be upset and angry. She was the sweetest and just proved what an amazing internet best friend she is.

Wednesday 13th |
A day with my best friend was what I needed. Just a day of shopping and venting about everything. I wasnt going to tell her, I thought she would just see me as rather pathetic. To be honest she probably does think it but she just let me vent and I just needed that. I got a nice new pair of pyjamas when we went shopping, had a McDonalds and then went to zumba in the evening. We saw L there but I didnt go over to chat, I felt bad but him and chummy don't see each other that much and I didn't want to get in the way. Yeah I love to see him but I think it's important that he gets time alone with his best friend.

Thursday 14th |
I was back to work and went to zumba in the morning. I was in a weird mood after the events of the last few days and was an idiot and was rude to my best friend. I don't know what came over me, I really dont. I just got annoyed and i know I shouldn't have done. Anyway after weaping most of the evening we sorted it out and chummy understood. I just needed my best after all the drama so took myself to bed with the worlds worst headache.

Friday 15th |
A much more positive day for me. I wrote chummy out a very long note saying how sorry I was and popped it in her locker. I had another late shift where it was just the two of us, it actually went pretty well and I'm just glad my manager actually trusts me now. When I got home I just had the most relaxed evening and then got quite an early night.

Saturday 16th |
Work at 12 and I was cooking. My manager ticks us for what she wants us to do and she threw me in at the deep end and made me cook while we were really busy. At 1pm chummy and the other cook left leaving just me to cook. It was really busy so I just had to get on with it. I actually thought it went okay. We had a kerfuffle when someone didn't come in on time, I then had to work out the late shift to see if I could cover and if not they would have to close early so chumster wasn't on his own. Something was supposed to be done between 2-3 but we all forgot and no one knew how to do it. Anyway I got to see my chumster, chatted to him about d*ckhead and he agreed with me. In the evening I went to go and see my family, they were having a little present day so I popped round. I was ready to go and meet L at the pub but I wanted to see them, I got to play pokemon with my cousins for about an hour and a half and it was just so lovely. They've grown up so fast but to me their still little babies. 

Anyway at about 7:40 I walked down to the pub and waited for L. I had such a great night, I've done a post about the night thats going up wednesay but it was just so perfect. A night with my friend where there was non stop talking. I chat about everything with him, literally everything and it was so nice to just talk and someone listen and agree with me. To make my little insecurities go away. Anyway we both headed home at about 10:30, he wanted to walk me home because he was worried. I assured him I would be okay and that I'd message him to say I was home safe. Honestly the best guy I know.

Sunday 17th |
Work was actually so good. Granted when I got in the till was broken but it wasn't that busy, I got to chat to chumster and I spent my afternoon chatting to my favourite sarcastic woman. My close down was pretty good, just me and my manager. I told her about the day before and asked if she wouldn't mind showing me how to use the machine we have to use for something between 2-3. I don't really know what they even do but I need to be shown just incase we have a situation like that again. She seemed pretty impressed that I asked. I want more responsinlty because the more I know, well it puts me in a better position for hours if they become available in the future. My night was spent writing and tidying my room. I had the most relaxing bath and just got to reflect on the week. This weekend has been so much fun, L has made me realise that what I want from life isn't impossible because as long as I love it, why shouldn't I try to make what I love successful. Work seems so my calmer lately and next week my managers showing me how to do new things, that means a little more responsibility.

The week had such a low point but with the help of the best guy I know I have such a fresh perspective of things. I feel so much happier and ready to just focus on what I love the most, to start making more time for those I love the most and to just enjoy life as it is right now. I feel like right now we dont really want anything to change and I want to enjoy every minute of life right now. With chummy and L. I want to plan a few more little L days, it nice to just go out the two of us and have a good little chat. I worried that we would just be sat in an awkward silence but we chatted non stop, it was the first night in a while that I haven't been glued to my phone. It's like nothing else mattered at that moment, I was with my friend and having some much needed Chloe and L time. The fact that I didn't check my phone or text for a good few hours shocked me to be honest. Anyway I'm in the best mood right now and I just hope it doesn't change.

Friday, 15 July 2016

I Need A Break |

Hello lovelies,
Most of you will know that my blog is a Monday to Friday thing. I post every weekday and I love doing it. Saying that I know that the content I'm posting is a pretty poor standard, I don't like what I'm posting and I'm pretty sure you don't either. 

I'm thinking that maybe I'll go back to my old schedule, just for a little bit. I might go back to Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays. Life just seems so chaotic right now and I don't think its fair to be uploading content that I'm not proud of and that I know is of such a bad quality. I might just be having an off week and that may mean I just need a little break for a bit. This is only an idea but I just feel like I need some time for myself as well as my blog. As much as I love writing, this weeks it seemed like a chore. If I'm honest if been horrible this week, all because of one thing and I have let it make me so angry.

Anyway I think for a few weeks I just need to take a little step back from the blog, I'll still upload Monday, Wednesday and Friday but I just want to take a little break for me. I hope you all understand and when Im ready and in a bit go a brighter place I'll go back to my normal posting schedule.

Tuesday, 12 July 2016

Monsters Inc Tsum Tsums |

Hello lovelies, 
Last week the monsters inc tsum tsums were released and I was lucky enough to get all the collection that was released. In the UK this is the full set is what I have here but I am desperate to get Celia and monster boo.

Roz |
I love Roz in the film and her tsum tsum doesn't disappoint. The glasses are perfect and I love her hair. The have the colours just right for her and she is just what I imagined.

Mike |
The thing that make me rather happy about this one is that he has his little horns. I thought they may have missed that little detail off but I was so happy to see they had added them.

Fungus |
He disappoints me a little if I'm honest. In the film he's red not orange and it just really bugs me. I just don't get why they couldn't make him red. But I do love his little monster hat.

Randal |
They have got the detailing just right on him. The colour is perfect and I love the look that he has on his face.

Boo |
My favourite character and they got her just right. The little ponytails are perfect and it is just such a cute tsum tsum.

Sully |
Sully is the one that I'm most impressed with if I'm honest. They have got his colour just right, his horns and also the little purple spikes going down his back. I love that they actually put his purple spots on him.

Well those are the monsters inc tsum tsums. I'm on the hunt now for the American exclusives.

Monday, 11 July 2016

What Happened Last Week | 4th-10th July

Hello lovelies,
Last week was weird for me. Near the end of the week anxiety hit me very hard. I felt completely lost, alone and just at a bit of a loss of what I was doing. I had a little pick me up but then just came crashing right back down again. Anyway lets go through the build up of this overly bad week shall we?

Monday 4th |
I had a rather lovely day off on Monday. On Monday I decide to have my whole bedroom out. I regretted that the minute my room was covered I'm my pointless possessions. On the other hand my dads friend popped round with her dog, that meant I got some cuddles with the most adorable little dog in the world.

Tuesday 5th |
Tsum Tsum Tuesday arrived and I woke up super early to try and get the new monsters inc collection. Luckily chummy managed to get them all for us online. They looked like the cutest ones yet and for the rest of the day I was just so happy that she managed to get them. I had work in the evening and it was an okay shift, not the worst but not the best. Oh go that's what happened. I joined the gym. Yeah have a laugh, I'm giggling myself at that little fact. Basically I joined because I want to do zumba and L and chummy have done some light persuading over the last few weeks. Oh and I went shopping to get gym clothes.

Wednesday 6th |
I had another day off on Wednesday and I cant actually remember what I did. That's quite weird but I just remember it being a bit of a blur. I did go to zumba though in the evening. I was so scared to go bur I took myself along to the zumba class, saw my sister there which was great but I actually enjoyed it. I came home and felt like I was going to die after it but then I felt so good for doing it. I even told chummy that we would be going again the next day.

Thursday 7th |
I was up early getting ready for a zumba class. I really enjoyed it again, to be fair I used to love it at school and I'm so happy I've started doing it again. I'm not to sure what I did the rest of the day. I don't think I had work and I cant actually think of what I did. I think I need to start writing these everyday to make sure I don't miss anything out.

Friday 8th |
PAYDAY!!!!! That meant I was a little less poor. I had work at 10 and it wasn't the best. I spent my morning feeling really anxious and everyone was like oh you just missing chummy. No. Yes I like work when shes there but I was just feeling really anxious, my manager told me that chummy was working a late on the day I ask if we could both do earlie's. Everyone was just getting on my nerves. I had a gym introduction at 6 so I went down there and got that done. I just wanted my friends. I felt so upset all day and the only people I wanted weren't with me. I just needed them. Anyway I just took myself to bed at around 8pm and slept for so long.

Saturday 9th |
The day started out better than how it ended. I had a full day at work with chummy. I don't get full days but I was looking forward to it. The day was fine until it was just me and chummy. The place was a mess, the dishwasher was leaking and we had both had enough, I even got to a point where I was going to just walk out. Now I didn't but I decided I wanted a night out and felt a bit bad but chummy agreed. That meant after work she waited for me to run into the house, pop some clothes on and grab a load of alcohol. We went out clubbing and I actually had such a fun night. Just me and chummy and a lot of drinks. 

Sunday 10th |
I had work at 1 and I was drained. Its like all my energy had just gone. I basically went to work and came home then crashed out at like 8.

So that was the week. wasn't the most exciting but my life never is usually. 

Friday, 8 July 2016

I've Joined The Gym! |

Hello lovelies, 
If you saw yesterdays post or you follow me on social media, well you'll probably know already. For those who don't, I've joined a gym. Yes. Me. I've joined the one place I said I never would do. Now I will be going into the reasons why but I think you can guess, I mean I haven't done it to spend money each month. If you follow me on instagram then you will have probably seen this picture of me looking a bit of a state before and after my class.

Weight loss |
At the start of the year I lost around 3stone. Now I was so proud of myself and I managed that all on my own. Now over the last few months I've found that because I'm spending a lot of time with people who just don't care about my size, well that's meant a few more trips to MacDonald's and less time exercising. I would like to get down to 12stone. I'm 14stone 13lb's currently so that means I've got a bit of work to do before I can get down to that.

Confidence |
My confidence is rather low around new people. The only people I really feel comfortable around are a few people at work, my family, chummy and L. I'm terrified to go into the actual gym. I'm just so conscious that someone will laugh, I just need to push through that because my theory is that if I can feel confident and comfortable whilst I'm sweaty in a gym with people a lot smaller than me, well my confidence with go up a lot. 

Social |
I think it may be a good way for me to meet new people. Granted most of my gym sessions will be with chummy but I might meet some new people and that means that I can gain a few new gym buddies. 

That's about it to be honest. I won't lie to you....I'm scared. Of course I am. I feel a lot more comfortable at the minute because I have my best friend by my side for moral support. I've now been to two Zumba classes and I actually really love them. Chummy was a little shocked when I said I was annoyed that I couldn't make the Saturday class. Now I haven't been in the actual gym bit yet but I have to pop down there today to be shown how to use the equipment. Even if I just do two Zumba classes a week then I've already made my money back.

Thursday, 7 July 2016

Would you lie with me and just forget the world? |

Hello lovelies,
If you know the what song my title is from then well done, its one of my favourite songs. Now the song is probably about something completely different but its those lyrics that stuck out for me last week. I've always loved this song but this song popped into my head on Saturday night.

Basically it was me, chummy and L all laying on her bed chatting. Now L asked if we ever just lay down with our eyes closed while looking at a light. Sounds a bit weird but he said to try it. Now I was a little hyper because when I'm sleepy I get more energetic for some reason, this may have just been a thing to try and get me to calm now. It was just me, L and chummy laying on her bed eyes closed and chatting. It was the best feeling. It's like I could say anything, granted I can say anything around them but with your eyes closed you just feel more free to speak whats on your mind. I found that I calmed down a little as well. My heart rate slowed down a bit and it was pure bliss.

Chummy fell asleep on and off so effectively it was chummy asleep and me and L chatting while laying on a bed with our eyes closed. Now I can see why he does it, its the most blissful thing and so relaxing. Now the title? Well I was just laying there with two people who are just so real. Like they are genuinely the nicest people and having that time in that moment helped me forget the world for a bit. Like it was the three of us and that was it. For a moment it was like everything else that stressed me out wasn't important anymore.

When I was younger I would lay in the garden on a sunny day, looking at the clouds watching the clouds drift past. It was the most relaxed moment and I just felt like that again. For me it was the perfect way to de-stress after the week. There's been a lot going on in my head lately, most of the stuff I wont share with anyone and that's fine. Its just nice to be able to just lay down and forget the world for a little bit. 

It seems like lately all my favourite little moments aren't paid for. My favourite moments are the ones where I'm with the ones I love the most. Just doing the simplest of things, peoples time is far more valuable to me than anything else. 

Anyway that was just a little post of me thinking out loud again.