Thursday, 9 June 2016

Whats on my mind | Random thoughts

Hello lovelies,
I didn't actually have a post planned for today. I guess the last few days have just been a bit of a weird one for me. I have so many random little thoughts that are running through my mind right now. Today is basically going to be me just letting my mind free for a bit. It doesn't do me any good keeping things bottled up. This is even things I'm sad about, just little thoughts I've had. Some good and some bad but if you want a very chatty post with no point, well stick around for a little bit.

Boys on the brain |
There's been one particular boy on my brain, I don't really like saying that. He's not a boy he's a man. Now I finally got an answer and it was what I expected, a no. Now that's fine, I expected nothing less if I'm honest with you. Like I didn't hear it from him but I think its safe to say his best friend knows. It wasn't a no in a horrible way, it was a "if he really liked her he would have done something about it" no. Like yeah its a bit annoying but I don't care, like I just wish that this had come a lot sooner. I don't like things left as a mystery. I've learnt over time not to get my hopes up for things, not in a poor me way but in the way that....well life doesn't work out how we plan sometimes. That's okay. I just think that maybe this could have been put to bed a while ago, saved me a lot of uncertainty.

Friends |
This time last year I didn't really have friends, I know I need to put the worlds smallest violin away haha. Now? Well know I have a few people in my life that I adore. They have because everything to me and even though I haven't known them that long, well they are the reason I know I'm gonna be alright. Having people that I can be completely weird with, that know my awkwardness and are there for all the f*ck ups. I'm enjoying my life so much more and that's only really down to them. 

Family |
Yesterday I went out for dinner with mum and dad. It was so nice to have time with just them, normally its like living in chaos and when dad suggested a nice pub dinner, well I jumped at the chance. Not just because of free alcohol but because that's the place me and my dad really talk. Like mum was there but I think I open up with dad more, not sure why. The two of them are my everything. I would be lost without them and having that time with them just made me realise how much I need them. I'm the first to admit that I get annoyed with them, I think they are either being to annoying or to weird but at the end of the day, that's what parents do, I like to think I got the best of both of them. My mums caring and protective nature and my dads sense of humour and quick wit. 

Life |
Life just seems like its just a big blur at the minute. Stuffs happening around me that I have no control over, its just a bit draining sometimes. I wish I could say I have my life all mapped out, that I'm settled down with the most amazing person living in a castle. I'm not. I'm still waiting for all that but maybe the last few months have shown me that I just need to see what life has in store for me. I'm always in a rush to go onto the next adventure but maybe I just need to take some time out from that. I'll keep living my life how I want but I just need to learn that at some point everything will fall into place. Everything I'm stressing about now, well one day I'll look back and laugh at how silly I was being.

Realising I've grown up |
This is an odd one for me. I was always in a rush to grow up but now I have, I wish I hadn't. I saw my uncle yesterday and he wondered if I was going out because I had make up on. To you that means nothing but to me that means that in his eyes I've changed. I used to spend my days in pyjamas, never going out and I didn't wear make up. Him and my aunt said how I've turned into a "gorgeous young woman" (My family like to make me feel better about my appearance by lying apparently haha) now to me that's a sign I've grown up. The fact that they recognise it. They are the ones that made my childhood most memorable and even though they still see the little girl, they also see a woman. Like I'm a grown up and I don't like it. I just want to go back to the day where I was walking hand in hand with both of them, walking through center parcs when I was little. Running round like idiots without a care in the world. Whats worse is that since I've become an official adult, I don't tell them much. I can't tell them that I've had my heart broken before, I can't tell them that one of my little joys in life is sharing my world with the internet. 

Ohh and my chumster has just got his first tattoo. It looks absolutely incredible and now I'm wanting to get mine even more now. The little dream catcher that I think is just so me. Well we shall see what happens in the next few months. So that's everything that's been rattling around my brain lately. I'm just a bit tired now, do you ever get tired of life for a while? Like I just want to sleep away my days and just re-charge for a while.