Tuesday, 28 June 2016

Changing The Goals |

Hello lovelies,
Most of you know what I want from life, I want the husband, the children and most of all.....the love. The last few months have been tough. No I'm not talking about the guy stuff, watching someone you care about find someone and grow to love someone is amazing. Its so nice to see someone filled with so much love and such a bright future.

That also means that while I am filled with so much happiness for them, well it means I'm left feeling well when me. When's it my turn. I've come to the realise that its not going to happen. Up until now I've spent my life with those as my goals. Ones that I thought were fairly simple to reach. Yes I'm 18 but I have good feelings about things, sadly this one. Well I know that realistically, it wont happen for me. I feel like as much as people say it will, I'm the only one who knows it wont. The people who know you know the part you wish the world could see, that's not what the world sees though. For me it sees a plus size women, not very pretty, not much to offer. I get it.

Wanting someone to love you for the person you are is something I didn't think was much to ask. In a world where everyone judges, it would have been nice to believe that there may have been someone who could just see me for the person I am. I just feel like maybe that was possible with one person but that's in the past. I'm not fussed about that anymore. I just didn't think I would be giving up so soon on something that I've dreamt of since I was a little girl.

The goals need to be changed. Why? Because me constantly chasing after that happily ever after isn't a great idea. I'm going to end up constantly wanting something that I cant have. So what are the goals now? Well they are simple but maybe do-able. I'm not putting happiness in this purely because I know that for me, pure happiness would have only been possible with the last goals because that's all I've ever wanted.

Driving |
A small yet massive goal for me. Being able to drive will give me the freedom to go wherever I want. It will mean that I gain that little bit more independence. Just me and my little car, I can take myself away from the sh*tty little existence that I live.

Money |
A full time job would be nice at some point. I've never been a career girl because I was more happy living in the little bubble thinking that I would fall in love and have kids, I'd look after them. If I can get a full time job that would mean I can do a decent amount of saving and maybe, just maybe one day move out.

Blog |
My main source of happiness. It would be nice if this got a little more popular but I know that the quality just isn't good enough, the Internet is full of wanna be popular bloggers and its just not possible to reach that level for me. However I would like to still continue my blog and grow it a bit more.

Friends |
Friends are the one thing that I want to keep close. I know that at then end of that day, they'll go off and start their lives with people they love and there's an awfully big chance I'll lose them. That's okay. At the minute though its nice to just have people who are genuine in my life. Its taken years for me to find people like that, let alone open up to them.

Travelling |
This one really goes hand in hand with the money goal. I would love to go travelling, not even travelling. I would love to get lost. Let me explain. The life I'm living now is the same repetitive little existence. I know where I'm going but I'm not moving forward. I want to travel and explore new places, I want to get lost because then theres the excitement and comfort of finding yourself again.

Health |
The last one is health. I would like to get my weight down a little bit more, I need to start looking after myself.

Well those are the changed goals. Not much I know but that's it for now. I guess I'm sick of constantly worrying whats wrong with me, thinking I'm not good enough. Its time that the goals were changed and I'm glad I have now.