Tuesday, 14 June 2016

Back To Being Healthy |

Hello lovelies,
Some you may know that a few months ago I started being quite healthy and excising a lot more. Now thats fine and all that but lately, well lately I've been slipping back into very bad food habits. Why? Because I'm a lot happier.

Now that may seem rather odd but I'm an emotional eater and when I started to lose weight, well I was in such an weird frame of mind, a good one but I just didnt really feel like im. I went through a phase of just not really feeling. God that sounds really weird, Its more like I just never felt super happy but in the mean time I never felt super sad. I was in the middle and after a week away I decided it was time to make a change. Now I'm happy with a lot of my life, I have people in it that I adore. Sadly that happiness means a lot more days out and eating all the wrong foods.

Why now? Well on saturdya I had a mini panic attack in the club, now I tried to pass it off as I didnt know why. I knew why. I was upset, you see maybe I shoujdnt have gone off to the toilets on my own. Like nothing weird happened, nothing bad involving guys or anyhitng. I went off to the toilets on my own, chummy said she would come with me but I'm trying the whole adult thing, hence why I ventured off on my own. Big mistake there. A very drunk me was the target of some very nasty words from a group of girls. Now I can normally brush off nasty comments but I was in a p*ssed of mood. Now in the short space of time I was in there I was called a fat c*nt, ugly b*tch and a few more things that just made me very self conscious. I then went back to find chummy and just try and forget about it. I was so conscious of myself and looking for the girls. 

There are other reasons of course, but this has just kicked me into action if I'm honest. Also the guy stuff has made me want to lose weight. For me its a little experiment. You see I know I'm not good enough for guys looking the way I do, I understand that. My experiment is to see if when I lose weight its still the same. If it is then I know its me and has nothing to do with what I look like, its just me in general. I know to you that might be a weird concept to understand but in my head it makes a lot os sense. 

Anyway so I'm trying to be averagely healthy now. We'll see how well this works out as I'm sure ill give in soon and eat a chocolate bar.