Thursday, 30 June 2016

Monthly Favourites | June 2016

Hello lovelies,
For some reason it feels like June has taken ages to get through. Its over now but I'm happy that the pace of life just slowed down a little this month. Its like I've finally been able to just let life happen and enjoy the little moments with the people who matter most.

Beauty |



This month my favourite beauty product has been my eyeliner again. I think it makes my eyes a lot more defined and I really love getting the perfect flick. A year ago I wouldn't have touched eyeliner but now its part of my daily make up routine.

Lush |



I haven't been using my lush as much this month. I just haven't really wanted to use any of the products, I like to be completely relaxed when I have a lush bath but I just wanted to get in and get out. I did use my king of skin bar and that made my skin feel really moisturised and healthy after I used it. It also has the loveliest smell to it.

TV show |


Orange is the new black is back. We all know I'm a very big fan of the show and it was brilliant. Yes I've watched the whole of series 4 already, I was just very disappointed with the ending. I think they should have made episode 12 the last but instead its been left on a massive cliff hanger.

Film |


I finally watched the good dinosaur this month. It was a film that I've been wanting to watch for ages now and it was just so good.

Youtuber |
I've been loving Giovanna Fletcher again. Its becoming clear to me now that my favourites just flutter between three. Now this month I've been loving Giovanna because I just love how it feels so relaxed. It just feels like your listening to a friend chatting to you and I love how she comes across in her videos.

Giovanna Fletcher |
Twitter | Youtube

Book |


I've got back into reading this month and I've been loving the book I'm reading now. Its called beautiful broken things, its all about female friendship and I think its going to be one of my favourites.

Song |


This month Ive been in fleetwood mac mode. I've grown up listening to their music because my dad is a massive fan, now I used to just listen to rumours but I've been listing to all the albums. I have two favourites that are seven wonders and gypsy. I really want you all to go and listen to these songs, they are just so good and I'm now a little obsessed. Also I'm becoming slowly obsessed with dressing in a Stevie Nicks way, not sure why but I love her outfits.

Moment |
Watching my little cousin at her sports day. There have been so many good moments of this month, one of which was spending the evening with my two favourite people but this beat that for me. Yes I loved the time I spent with them but this was such a proud moment that it had to come first. Seeing her little smile when she realised her team won, well it was so precious that it was the highlight. there's nothing more special than seeing the happiness she had, that made me so proud of her.

Wednesday, 29 June 2016

Dream Journal |

Hello lovelies,
Its been a long time since I did one of these posts. Basically I woke myself up yesterday in tears and its just seemed so real. I thought I'd do a little dream journal on it because I just need to chat about it, also it will be nice to see what it all means.

Anyway for the most of the dream I was at work but then the setting changed, I was then having a lovely day with chummy. In my dream she got a call to say that she was being moved departments and she was moving to Northampton. I was like well what about your family, your boyfriend, L? None of that mattered. She was going and I was heartbroken. More to the fact that nothing that matters most to her was making a difference. In the end I just walked home in tears and I could barely breathe, that's when I woke up.

To you that's a silly dream but for me it was me losing someone who is such a big part of my life and nothing seemed to matter. There are a few reasons why I think I dreamt this, work has been stressing me out because someone has been moved department. They're moaning saying it should be chummy. No it shouldn't, she's the most flexible with her hours and does her job well. Anyway that and a mix of insecurity has been getting to me.

I looked on dream moods to see if it said anything about it.
Here's what is said about moving "To dream that you or someone is moving in or out of a place signifies your desire or need for change. It may also mean an end to a situation or relationship; you are moving on. Alternatively, it indicates your determination and issues regarding dependence/independence.". Now I want change is some aspects of my life but my friendship isn't one of them. I have been worrying though that soon my lovely little friendship may end. As silly as it sounds I guess I know that at some point she'll get married and have kids, I just don't see a place for me in all that. Like at some point she wont really need or want me and that's been getting to me a lot lately.

Here's what is said about friends "to dream about your best friend means that you need to foster or acknowledge some special quality that your best friend has. Ask yourself what makes your best friend your best friend and how you need to work on these attributes within yourself. Dreaming about your friend's friend signifies aspects of your own self that you are still trying to get to know.". My chummy has some amazing qualities so I'm not really sure if I'm missing anything. I wouldn't say I'm trying to get to know something about myself, I know myself pretty well but maybe there is something that I'm just not seeing. 

Anyway that was my dream. I'm the type of person that gets attached easily to people, I always have and I always will. With chummy I tried not to, I think that's why it took me so long to have a proper conversation with her. I guess I just didn't want to get close with someone because from past experience, it all ends. Now that I have got very close with her I'm scared. I don't want to think of a future without her in it. She's proved to be the most trusting, caring person that I've needed and she came into my life at the perfect moment. I feel like I've done the fake friend thing with people at school and I just don't like the idea that one day, well one day we could drift apart or she'll get bored of me. I know to you that may seem like a weird way for my brain to work but for me our friendship just seems a little to good, I love it don't get me wrong but I haven't had this with anyone. Not even friends at school, this human actually cares and wants to spend time with me and for me that's odd. I have a lot of trust issues so for me my brain still keeps its guards up, with chummy its let down and the thought of losing her upset me so much.

Tuesday, 28 June 2016

Changing The Goals |

Hello lovelies,
Most of you know what I want from life, I want the husband, the children and most of all.....the love. The last few months have been tough. No I'm not talking about the guy stuff, watching someone you care about find someone and grow to love someone is amazing. Its so nice to see someone filled with so much love and such a bright future.

That also means that while I am filled with so much happiness for them, well it means I'm left feeling well when me. When's it my turn. I've come to the realise that its not going to happen. Up until now I've spent my life with those as my goals. Ones that I thought were fairly simple to reach. Yes I'm 18 but I have good feelings about things, sadly this one. Well I know that realistically, it wont happen for me. I feel like as much as people say it will, I'm the only one who knows it wont. The people who know you know the part you wish the world could see, that's not what the world sees though. For me it sees a plus size women, not very pretty, not much to offer. I get it.

Wanting someone to love you for the person you are is something I didn't think was much to ask. In a world where everyone judges, it would have been nice to believe that there may have been someone who could just see me for the person I am. I just feel like maybe that was possible with one person but that's in the past. I'm not fussed about that anymore. I just didn't think I would be giving up so soon on something that I've dreamt of since I was a little girl.

The goals need to be changed. Why? Because me constantly chasing after that happily ever after isn't a great idea. I'm going to end up constantly wanting something that I cant have. So what are the goals now? Well they are simple but maybe do-able. I'm not putting happiness in this purely because I know that for me, pure happiness would have only been possible with the last goals because that's all I've ever wanted.

Driving |
A small yet massive goal for me. Being able to drive will give me the freedom to go wherever I want. It will mean that I gain that little bit more independence. Just me and my little car, I can take myself away from the sh*tty little existence that I live.

Money |
A full time job would be nice at some point. I've never been a career girl because I was more happy living in the little bubble thinking that I would fall in love and have kids, I'd look after them. If I can get a full time job that would mean I can do a decent amount of saving and maybe, just maybe one day move out.

Blog |
My main source of happiness. It would be nice if this got a little more popular but I know that the quality just isn't good enough, the Internet is full of wanna be popular bloggers and its just not possible to reach that level for me. However I would like to still continue my blog and grow it a bit more.

Friends |
Friends are the one thing that I want to keep close. I know that at then end of that day, they'll go off and start their lives with people they love and there's an awfully big chance I'll lose them. That's okay. At the minute though its nice to just have people who are genuine in my life. Its taken years for me to find people like that, let alone open up to them.

Travelling |
This one really goes hand in hand with the money goal. I would love to go travelling, not even travelling. I would love to get lost. Let me explain. The life I'm living now is the same repetitive little existence. I know where I'm going but I'm not moving forward. I want to travel and explore new places, I want to get lost because then theres the excitement and comfort of finding yourself again.

Health |
The last one is health. I would like to get my weight down a little bit more, I need to start looking after myself.

Well those are the changed goals. Not much I know but that's it for now. I guess I'm sick of constantly worrying whats wrong with me, thinking I'm not good enough. Its time that the goals were changed and I'm glad I have now.


Monday, 27 June 2016

What Happened Last Week | June 20th-26th

Hello lovelies,
Last week was a mix of highs and lows if I'm honest with you. I had some amazing days but then other days when I just felt at breaking point. As per usual if you want to know about my week, grab yourself a nice drink, possibly as snack and settle down to the post.



Monday 20th |
After working fathers day weekend I finally had the day off to relax. Now the week before, orange is the new black got released on netflix. I'd watched a few but basically spent my day binge watching the show. My cork board, Polaroid's and draw pins arrived, that meant that I could finally get started on my pretty little cork board. I did a post about that you can read here.

Tuesday 21st |
Back to work on Tuesday and I was in a bit of a strange mood. Not really sure why but after work I just needed to shut off. Life just got to much and everything just got to me. My night ended in a quiet walk home while I felt very guilty, I basically went really quiet on chummy. She hadn't done anything wrong but I just went silent. Sometimes I need to just shut off and on Tuesday that came on very suddenly. Anyway I had a pretty early night after watching an episode of orange is the new black.

Wednesday 22nd | 
I felt a hell of a lot better, I still felt very guilty about the night before so I basically spent my day grovelling to chummy. She honestly wasn't bothered but I just felt cruel. Anyway I went along to my little cousins first sports day, her team won and I cant tell you how proud I was to see her standing there with her little medal. She is such a little ray of sunshine, she made me feel so much happier. Ohhh me and chummy placed an order on the Disney store as it was 50% off some bits. Chummy picked me up at about 21:45 for a drive. Now I wont go into what that was about but it was needed, she needed it and so did I after the events of the evening. It was nice to just go on a long drive, grab some McDonald's and just chat.

Thursday 23rd |
Another late at work but I spent the whole day looking into intensive driving courses. Now we all know that I've been on and off driving for a while. I started looking into that because Wednesday made me realise just how much I want to drive. I want the freedom to be able to just go out somewhere for a while and go for a drive. Work was okay, I just kept to myself really. I just wasn't feeling people and I also had a lot of people saying how of course I would defend my chummy. Of course I will but the fact that we are best friends has nothing to do with it, its the fact that she wasn't there to defend herself and I know the facts from a situation that got taken out of context.

Friday 24th |
Another day off but I couldn't watch any Orange is the new black. Me and chummy agreed we would watch the last two episodes together. Now I looked more into the diving but deiced that I want to start now, I looked into it and I found a female instructor and she's got good prices. I want to do 4 a week if I can from July but I have to see when she has free. I had my first trip to Costco. That sounds like such sad little fact but my dad got a Costco card, its alright like I got 12 ciders for £11. We all know that I like a nice drink so that was good. We were going to go to harvester for dinner but they were all to buy, we ended up getting Chinese instead and I started to watch master chef.

Saturday 25th |
Work was hell. From the moment I got in it was manic. Now everyone left at 2 leaving on a handful of people on a very busy day. Before work I wrote chummy a little note and posted it through her locker, I know that may seem silly but I'd love it if I went into my locker and found a little note. I just thought it was a nice thing to do, it was basically a little apology for being mega b*tch during the week. My evening was spent watching Glastonbury waiting for Adele to perform. 

Sunday 26th |
I had work at 11 and I felt like death. Now someone at work just kept on getting on my nerves, I know I was a stressy b*tch but sometimes people just get to me. I read something on my break that was the sweetest but it just made me realise that I'm not going to have that. Just the simplest thing and for me, it looks like that won't happen. Its fine but I think its time to change the goals now. I'm a little tired of holding out for something that will be my "happy ending". I need to find something else that will give me a "happy ending" now. Now I know if someone read that they'll probably think I don't want to hear about relationships, of course I want to hear. I'm not bitter because other people have them, I'm just realising now that my goals need to be changed because the more I dwell on that being my "happy ever after" the more I'm hurting myself.

Anyway that's what happened last week. Today I think chummy is coming round to watch orange is the new black and maybe a film. I feel really bad, I don't want her to feel forced into coming round so I'm leaving it up to her.


Friday, 24 June 2016

Somewhere Only We Know | Why It Means So Much

Hello lovelies,
I talk about my favourite song an awful lot. I tweet about it, mention it in my posts and I think I've told you once but obviously I wouldn't have gone into that much detail. Somewhere only we know by Keane has been my favourite song since I was about 7 and its has never changed.

In my house I've grown up around music, mainly things like fleetwood mac but my dad would always be playing his guitar so I've always been so facisnated by music. When I was about 7 my dad got the chords to somewhere only we know. He learnt it and asked me to sing it while he played. Now I was a very shy little child and even though I was with my dad it make me nervous. Now luckily the man knows the way to my heart and paid me in freddo frogs. It was such a little thing but its one of my clearest memories. Me and my dad sitting side by side, me singing and him playing his guitar.

That was the age where I saw music as more than sound, I properly heard it. I listened to the lyrics instead of the tune. The lyrics to this song are ones that will stay with me forever and every single time I hear it it takes me back to that moment. Now some songs I've loved in the past but they've been played in a certain situation thats ruined the song for me, a lukas graham one I loved was ruined because it reminded me of a day I'd rather forget. An ed sheeran song reminds me of my old job because I used to listen to it every morning on the way to work.

I love that even after near 12 years this song has been the one thats stayed with me, the memory has never changed and my love for the lyrics just grows each time I hear them. I was listening to it last night and for some reason I burst into tears. Not sure why but a mix of hormones a a very sh*tty day wednesday, well it just got to me. Partically "Oh simple thing where have you gone?", why? Because our family used to be so simple. Continuous love and support but its so broken now that I cant even use the stitch line, the its broken but still good. Its not good. We have somehow let one person single handedly ruin our happy little family. 

I guess this song is now just a little wish for me know, wanting things to be how they were when I was little. When life was simpler, the world didnt seem as scary. Where my only worry was getting a duplicate in a happy meal, not worrying about relationships and wondering will I ever be good enough. Sometimes I just want to be that little 7 year old again, sat on the couch with her dad playing her favourite song. Letting the lyrics absorb into my heart and mind and letting it just become a part of me. 

Lots of love,
Chloe xxx

Thursday, 23 June 2016

Driving | Update

Hello lovelies,
Now if you been with the blog for a while then you'll all know the driving situation. Basically I've been on and off learning to drive for the last two years.

I'm happy driving but the idea of having someone there judging my every move really makes me nervous, that means that I dread each lesson I have. Now after much discussion in my head I've decided that I just need to do intensive.

I know intensive doesn't work for some people but I feel like it's my best chance. Even if I don't pass first time, well I'll be close enough to passing that I'll have the confidence.

Why after all this time? Well both my friends can drive. Yes both meaning two, I like the small group of people I have. Now they both drive and both have cars. That means they have their freedom. For me that would mean the world, being able to just go out on my own without having to worry about people needing to drop me places. Also I do enjoy driving. It's not that I don't like it, I can drive, not brilliantly but quite well. I just need more practice and to actually pass my test.


I won't be doing intensive yet but I'm going to book it soon, for later in the year. My dads going to lend me the money and I'll just pay him back as quickly as I can. Anyway by the end of this year I hope to be telling you all that I've either passed or am very nearly there.


Wednesday, 22 June 2016

25 Food Questions |

Hello lovelies,
A lot has been going on today so I thought I would do the 25 food question tag as something quick.

What's your favourite breakfast?

I love a full English breakfast but I modify mine a lot. Basically I love a breakfast that had bacon, sausage, hash brown, beans, fried bread and scrambled egg. 

How do you drink your coffee?
I don't drink coffee, I want to though purely because it will keep me awake when I need to get stuff done.

What's on your favourite sandwich?
I love a crisp sandwich. Yep I'm one of those people who will happily will soft bread with crunchy crisp. My favourite at the minute is a white bread sandwich, butter of course then packed with flame grilled steak flavoured McCoy's.

Soup or Salad?
Soup. I'm not a salad kind of girl. I love a nice tomato and mexican chill soup with some crackers to dip in it.

What's your favourite cookbook?
I love the great British bake off cookbooks. I'm more of a baker than a cook so baking books are pure bliss for me.

No more sweets or no more hearty foods?
Oh damn this is a hard one. I would say no more sweets because then that still leave me with savoury, and I love savoury more. I don't think I could live with out a big hearty meal.

What's your favourite Cuisine (country)?

Sometimes it depends what mood I'm in. I love an Indian, but I have a little of everything so a little bit of korma, tikka and madras with pilau rice and a keema naan.


What's your favourite food movie?
I think think I have one to be honest.

What's your most guilty pleasure?
Savoury. I cant resist crips and sausage rolls. Rather odd combo but I cant get enough.

What's your greatest inspiration source?
Youtube for baking. Its just full of great ideas.

Cooking at home or going out for dinner?
Hmmmmm. I would say going out because the food is so good but I get very anxious to ask for my order. However I do love a meal at home where I can stay in pyjamas.

High end or low profile?
I'd say low profile is like cheaper options like McDonald's, harvester and nando's so those are always what I go for.

What's your favourite restaurant?
Harvester. I just love the red devil sauce there so that will always win in my opinion.

I do my grocery shopping at:
Morrison's, well mum does it.




The tastiest food I've ever eaten was:
Chicken katsu curry from wagamamas.

What's your favourite cocktail?
I love a strawberry daiquiri.

Coffee with George Clooney or Heston Blumenthal?
Don't like coffee so ill go with a hot chocolate with Heston Blumenthal.

What should not be missing in your kitchen?
Oven and fridge.

What's your favourite snack?
At the moment its chicken tikka pasties from Morrison's.




What's on your pizza?
Now I love a good pizza. I have cheese, chicken, sausage, pepperoni and basically all the meats.

What food do you really dislike?
Fish. Cant stand it. Like I used to eat it when I was little but I'm not sure what changed.

What's your favourite foodblog?
Sorted food. I think they post their recipes online as well as videos.

What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten?
I wouldn't say Iv'e ever eaten anything weird.

What's on your food bucket list?
Churros! and corn dogs.

I couldn't live without:
Crisp.


Tuesday, 21 June 2016

Cork board | Little DIY*

Hello lovelies,
I have so many cute photos of me and chummy and me, chummy and L. Now they are all stored on my phone and as much as I like that, well I love having photos to display. Now I have wanted to get a cork board for a while, just for things like concert tickets and bits like that. Now mine isn't the best but heres a little post about how I made mine.

First of all I wanted polaroids to put on the cork board. Now I wanted to get a polaroid camera but the film for them is just so expensive. Also I like to get my pictures perfect, I just don't think you can get perfect pictures every time with those cameras. I searched around for the best website and found the cheerz was the cheapest and most user friendly. I got 25 pictures for £7.70 and it was free delivery. They were really quick to arrive as well. This is what they look like when you get them.




Now obviously the pictures weren't blurred out, I've had to do that for privacy reasons. Chummy doesn't mind but I've had to blur out L anyway. I mean he knows about my blog and is cool with it, I just don't think he would like the idea of me posting pictures of him online. Now I stupidly ordered a few of the same but its okay because I didn't miss any out.


Now I got my cork board from amazon. It is 600mm by 400mm if I remember correctly. They are super cheap and if you want to get one then just click here. Now I also got some really cure little push pins that were pastel metallic colours. They were really cheap on eBay so have a look on there for some cute ones. Now it was time to try and arrange all my pictures how I wanted them.


 I tried the scattered look but I didn't really like it. I don't know why but it looked like an organised scatter, I know that sounds odd but if it was scattered then I wanted it to look like they had been added over time and this little look just wasn't cutting it.


Now even though my room is a mess, things scattered all over my room like lums on Rayman (Anyone remember that game, great escape 2??? Let me know in the comments. Thats a bloody good game). Sorry I got a bit lost in thought there, anyway I opted to organise the photos and my busted and harry potter ticket. Now I wanted adele on there to but the adele ticket has its own frame with some confetti and two of my favourite pictures in it. Now I still wants 100% happy with the frame like this, I just think I needed something more.


Apparently that something more was the confetti from adele that I had. Now I did put draw pins through them, oh no. They are far to precious to ruin. Instead I just popped little blue tac on that back of them and dotted them around.


This is what the finished frame looks like. Remember that the photos aren't blurred but for the purpose of privacy they have to be on here, although I will say that you would adore chummy and L. Like they are miles better looking than me but for now they stay as mine. You know a lot about me but seeing my best friends and family is just a little to much for now. Ohhh and chummy if you read this, you are of course my best friend but I class lawson as one as well. Mainly because out of the two male friends I have, well he soars above the other making him the best out of the two haha.


To you this may just look like a chummy and L shrine. Thats hidden away haha, joking of course!!!! Or am I? Definitely joking but this makes me so happy. Over the last few months I have made so many amazing memories with there two humans and they have become people that I just have so much love for. If you can then get yourself a chummy, they are amazing, funny, caring and basically free therapists as well haha. Also get yourself an L. As male friend's go he is the best. Such a funny, caring, kind and truthful human. The most important, he tells it how it is. They are both the most protective humans and last week showed me that. 



Thanks guys for being the two people who make my world that little bit brighter and being my little pick me ups, love you loads.

Monday, 20 June 2016

What Happened Last Week | June 13th-19th

Hello lovelies,
The last week was going very quickly and then the weekend dragged. I'm writing this on Sunday and I am so tired right now, sorry in advance if none of the post makes sense. I'm typing with very sleepy eyes, like in drifting of to sleep as we speak.

Monday 13th |
I had the day off on Monday and I basically spent the day watching once upon a time. I did a little bit of writing and I also got very far in my new book, beautiful broken things. I forgot how much I loved a nightly read. Now I just had my candled burning, some instrumental music playing and read for a few hours before bed. It set me up for the most perfect nights sleep.

Tuesday 14th |
Like most weeks I had work from 4pm, it was a pretty good shift. A chummy chumster shift. I spent the time before work watching once upon a time, doing a little bit of reading and just getting ready for work. I hadn't seen chumster for a while so a nice little catch up with him was needed. The woman at work told me that her son was selling kittens, I fell in love with one and got the okay from mum. She then rang work to tell me that he had sold her, the kitten not my mother. Now I was a little heartbroken but its for the best. I'm allergic to cats anyway and money wise it was a bad move.

Wednesday 15th |
I had the day off work and I spent the day snuggled in bed catching up on some shows, more reading and then I got started on tidying my room. In the evening I wasn't in the best mood but I found myself buying some new bits but it was all really cheap. I've wanted to get a cork board for a while, I want to pin all my photos on it and maybe pop some fairy lights on it. Now I will be doing a little post about this when it all arrives. I got myself the cork board, some really cute draw pins for it and then I ordered 25 Polaroid's online. I was so happy with this, they were only £7.70 for all of them and it was free delivery. Like I went through and picked out all my pictures of me and chummy, our pictures with L and a cute little picture of me and my little cousin. I cant wait to get started on it.

Thursday 16th |
Another evening at work and the day was a bit weird for me. Like I found myself in tears in the afternoon but its all fine now. I went into work and just had a quiet night to be honest. I ended my shift and then me and chummy went and got McDonald's. It was nice to use spend some time after work talking to my favourite human.

Friday 17th |
For once I had a 10-2 shift. That's very rare for me now, normally I'm stuck on the lates. Now it was nice to see the day people, there's one woman that I never get to see because our shifts don't fall together so it was nice to see her. Unfortunately for me my manager asked what I had planned for Saturday. Now at work the weekend was going to be super busy, I had the Saturday off but she wanted me in work. The Saturday I had off was now an 8-12 shift. Now I made sure she did it on my terms, I didn't have to see customers, I wanted to be kept out the back plating up the food and she got me wine gums. All of those were agreed. 

Saturday 18th |
I had to wake up super early to get ready for work. Went to work, had some breakfast before my shift and then started work. I felt so sick, I had the worst headache, my arm and shoulder was killing me and I just felt really fed up. Luckily for me I finished at 12 so I that meant I could just go home and watch orange is the new black. Chummy was going to come round but the plans got changed. Instead I just had a night where I ended up feeling so ill. I got that bad that I thought I was going to have to call in sick for work the next day. Anyway I ended up sleeping from about 8 so that was much needed.

Sunday 19th |
Got up for work and that was the day I was working from 10-5. Now I know other people work from 8-5 but they get an hour and a half break, I only get 15 minutes for that shift. Now it was manic at work. Me and my chumster were serving the food, now I was sweating. I felt really ill and I thought I was going to throw up at some point. Luckily for me my chumster was very good, we tag teamed a few meals and he was like no I'll do this one. Now luckily for me the cook saw how ill I was and took me away from that to do another little job which meant I got to stand in the cool. I was then moved to plate up and I got my chumster to feed me wine gums before he went home. He's a good egg that one. 

Now I was going to go for my break, I just took a meal out before that. When I turned around to go back I saw L. A face that I've wanted to see for ages, now he was there buying his mum flowers, I said he could use my discount card but he had already paid. He could have just got them and went home but it made me so happy that he came over to see me. 

Now I had his birthday present in my locker, he wanted this book and I got it for him. He was like I'm sorry you're having a sh*t day at work. Just seeing one of my favourite people was the perfect little pick me up. I literally ran out for my break, when I came back my manager was like you seem much happier, you ran out the department. Of course I was. I was having the day from hell at work and then I got to see the one person I wanted to see. Like I didn't care about seeing anyone else that day, I just wanted to see him because I knew I needed to be cheered up. The evening? Well that was pretty average. I did some writing, saw my little cousin and found myself getting very annoyed about little things.

I'm just happy that I got through that weekend. I felt so ill all weekend and I still managed to work both days, I got to see my favourite human and had a night of listening to coldplay on shuffle.

Thursday, 16 June 2016

Taking Things To Heart | Taking Back The Blog

Hello lovelies,
As open and honest as I am with all of you, sometimes I feel like I have to bite my tongue with some things. Why? Because maybe what I say is taken in a bad way, as a personal thing when it isn't. Now lately I've missed being able to be completely open and honest, I just feel like when I am, sometimes people just view it as a pity party when you all know its not. You know its just me being me and saying whats on my mind.



This is all stuff I would say to people but I'm always to scared to say it. Online I used to be able to say anything and that was why I loved blogging so much. Now, well now I have an irl person who occasionally reads this.....I'm just sometimes worried that I can't say everything. Not that its about them, of course not but because half of the stuff I talk about is stuff that I say to them and sometimes I just feel like what goes on in my head just isn't as important. like my life is some kind of game and doesn't really matter.

The last few months have been odd for me, I've been waiting for a answer that I already knew but I needed it. I think that's fair enough. I added someone on Facebook who I've missed so much, I'm not doing this in hope that we'll both run off into the sunset and I'll get a happily ever after. Of course not. I'm just loving the fact that I have a connection now to someone who I used to tell everything, someone who gave me the confidence to actually continue with writing even when I wanted to give up. Now if I know people then I will have a nice little stalk of their Facebook, not in a weird way but I like to keep up with whats happening in their lives. I do it with the people I see every single day and those who I hardly ever see.

While other people still view me as some love sick puppy, I'm not. I'm over that but if I thought it would bring back feelings then I wouldn't be looking. Only I know what I feel and if, that's a very big if those feelings ever started to re-surface then I know that I wouldn't want to keep up to date. I would just cut contact like I did the last time. I don't know like it just got to me and I know it wasn't meant in a nasty way, its just like every choice I make lately is being judged everywhere I turn. There's always someone waiting to give me their opinion, I know they're only doing it to be nice but sometimes I just want to be able to say something without feeling like I've done something wrong.

Taking things to heart is something I've always done. I cant help it, its like its in my DNA and I don't think its a bad thing. Yes it does means I'm easily wound up or offended but it rather people know that they annoyed me and for me that means getting a little upset with them. Is that so wrong that I want someone to know that they've annoyed me. I could let everything just go over my head but then that would mean that people would just think its okay, its not. If you've said something that's wound me up then I want you to know. 

Feeling like I'm being viewed as a test subject is also getting to me. Would I say this in person? No. Over the last few months I just feel like my life has been one big game to people and I know thats not what they intended. Its just how its made me feel. Not in a bad way but I feel like maybe I've been pressured into doing things that ended in me just feeling like an embarrassment and now it makes me feel uncomfortable around someone because of the situation. All these little things that I've been doing to try and make my life a little better or to make me a little happier, well lets just say all have resulted in me just feeling so numb.

I don't know I guess I'm just getting very annoyed lately. Normally when I go back to work I've missed everyone, I'm quite happy and I actually have missed the place a bit. This time? Its different. I don't want to be there anymore, maybe its just getting to me but its like I know I'm always going to be stuck on a 16 hour contract, always doing the same thing day in day out. That's not a bad thing but I just want more from my life than this now. I'm sure I'll settle back into work and this will all just be a little blip that I had. 

Now this is me taking back my blog, I'm not going to shy away from saying things because at the end of the day. It was found when I used to say exactly what I thought and its something I should have never stopped. Now chummy that doesnt mean I was every nasty or ayntihgn but sometimes I just feel like if I said some stuff, well you might get a little annoyed if it was about work or anything. Like I tell you everyhitn but maybe sometimes I just feel like I'm annoying you with some stuff, hence why I want to be able to just vent online. I hope thats not to weird. 

Wednesday, 15 June 2016

New Books* |

Hellos lovelies,
I went through a stage where I would rather read a book than watching a film. Over the last few months I've lost my love for reading, luckily for me that love is back and I've picked up a few books that I want to share with you all. If you want any of these books then click on the image and it will take you to a purchase page.

Always with love |

Now the first one I got was always with love by Giovanna Fletcher. I adored Billy and me and this is the sequel to that. I've started it and even though I'm not that far in, in in love with it so far. I got very attached to all the characters in Billy and me and it's so nice to be able to go back into that world and see what's happening in the world of Billy and Sophie.


The one we fell in love with |

The next book I got was the one we fell in love with by Paige toon. Now I fell in love with the story just by reading the blurb. I can't wait to get stuck into this one and I'm sure I'll fall in love with all the characters.

Beautiful broken things |

The last book I got is called beautiful broken things by Sara Barnard. Now this book is all about female friendship and it's incredible. I'm currently half was through this book and I've struggled to put it down,  there's parts of the story so far that mimic my friendship and it's nice because it's really making me view my friendship. It's making see think about certain things and even though I'm feeling a bit guilty, it's good because it means I can apologise for those things. I am in love with this book and I would really recommend it to all do you. 


Well there's my very short book haul for you. I can't wait to read these books and as soon as I finished them I'll be reviewing them for you. No doubt you'll get to see my review of beautiful broken things next week.


Tuesday, 14 June 2016

Back To Being Healthy |

Hello lovelies,
Some you may know that a few months ago I started being quite healthy and excising a lot more. Now thats fine and all that but lately, well lately I've been slipping back into very bad food habits. Why? Because I'm a lot happier.

Now that may seem rather odd but I'm an emotional eater and when I started to lose weight, well I was in such an weird frame of mind, a good one but I just didnt really feel like im. I went through a phase of just not really feeling. God that sounds really weird, Its more like I just never felt super happy but in the mean time I never felt super sad. I was in the middle and after a week away I decided it was time to make a change. Now I'm happy with a lot of my life, I have people in it that I adore. Sadly that happiness means a lot more days out and eating all the wrong foods.

Why now? Well on saturdya I had a mini panic attack in the club, now I tried to pass it off as I didnt know why. I knew why. I was upset, you see maybe I shoujdnt have gone off to the toilets on my own. Like nothing weird happened, nothing bad involving guys or anyhitng. I went off to the toilets on my own, chummy said she would come with me but I'm trying the whole adult thing, hence why I ventured off on my own. Big mistake there. A very drunk me was the target of some very nasty words from a group of girls. Now I can normally brush off nasty comments but I was in a p*ssed of mood. Now in the short space of time I was in there I was called a fat c*nt, ugly b*tch and a few more things that just made me very self conscious. I then went back to find chummy and just try and forget about it. I was so conscious of myself and looking for the girls. 

There are other reasons of course, but this has just kicked me into action if I'm honest. Also the guy stuff has made me want to lose weight. For me its a little experiment. You see I know I'm not good enough for guys looking the way I do, I understand that. My experiment is to see if when I lose weight its still the same. If it is then I know its me and has nothing to do with what I look like, its just me in general. I know to you that might be a weird concept to understand but in my head it makes a lot os sense. 

Anyway so I'm trying to be averagely healthy now. We'll see how well this works out as I'm sure ill give in soon and eat a chocolate bar.


Monday, 13 June 2016

What Happened Last Week | June 6th-12th

Hello lovelies,
Last week I had a lovely week off work. Now I've waited a while for this week off and the closer it was getting, the more I realised I needed it. I don't know what it is but it just seems like work has just been getting worse, or I just feel like my patience has been getting thinner........unlike my waistline. So what did I do last week? Well I had the most amazing week with two of my favourite people. So sit back, relax and hopefully enjoy reading about my week.

Monday 6th |
Monday was the first day of my week off and I was rather excited for this. This was also the day that me and my best friend finally got to go home, or for the muggles out there who have no idea what that means. We got to go back to Hogwarts, yes the day had finally arrived that meant we were off to Harry Potter studios. I had the most amazing day, granted it ended in the most bizarre way. Now I wasn't going to tell you this, why? Well I feel like even though you are all aware of the odd situations I find myself in, well lets just say this was the most ridiculous thing that happened. 


Now this guy, we all know the story so lets just brush past this. Let's not actually, my best friends boyfriends best friend, all went out for the day, everyone picked up on some vibes, vibes clearly weren't there, messaged him, he ignored.....blah blah blah. Now anyone heard of nearby friends? On Facebook? Yes. Good. Now maybe this isn't the best thing for me and chummy, she noticed that her boyfriend and him were nearby and she thought maybe they were at the cinema a few feet away from us. Now a sane human wouldn't care, but this is me and chummy.

Well basically we were just curious, turns out they were at football. When we left, now this is vital for the story because a few seconds earlier or later. Well we couldn't have found ourselves in this situation. What happened I'm sure you're wondering? Well you lovely lot, we noticed some guys about to cross the road, these guys were in football kits........do you see where I'm going with this? Yep that's right, we had to let him cross the road. He saw us, we saw him, he looked at chummy, he looked at me........we all knew the awkward situation we were in. Yep so that happened. Honestly the situations we get ourselves into are just to unbelievable sometimes.

Tuesday 7th |
This was the day. The day we had been waiting for, yes it was the day of the finding Dory tsum tsum release in stores. We started our day with a nice breakfast then headed to the Disney store. I did a post about the tsum tsums on Wednesday so I'll just link that in the picture for you. Now after a nice day shopping me and chummy decided it was finally time to get an answer. We tweedled a message to chummys boyfriend. I didn't care that the answer was no, I just needed it to be like no just let it go. After what seemed like a lifetime of waiting, we finally got that answer. Of course it was a no but at least I have it now.



Wednesday 8th |
I didn't really have anything planned for Wednesday. I ended going out shopping again with chummy, we tried to s'mores frappuccino from Starbucks and my word, that tastes so delicious. What else did I do??? Oh I got two new matt lip glosses from superdrug, got the new Zoella body mist and I think that was about it to be honest. I realise that to you as the week goes on I have less and less to say about each day, that will change for Thursday I promise. Just remember that I also went out for a pub dinner with mum and dad, it was such a relaxed night.

Thursday 9th |
Even thought I had Potter on Monday, well this was my favourite day. Now if you read my blog daily, I know you don't but if you do then thank you very much. Now for those of you who don't want to go back to the last post, well here's what happened. On Wednesday in the evening chummy said that we were going to see L on Thursday. That put me in the best mood, I don't see him that much. To him I probably see him a lot but with people I get on with, I like to see them quite a bit......sorry about that. Now we all went shopping after the gym, him not me. Can you imagine me at a gym? Let's not even let my mind go there. 

Now we didn't get much when we were out, I got a new book. If I'm honest I fell in love with the cover, I know you shouldn't judge a book by that but it is stunning. Its just a bonus that after reading the blurb, I fell in love with the idea of it. Its called beautiful broken things. Ohhh I also ordered L a late birthday present. He said he didn't want anything and I felt really guilty, I got him a card but I wanted to find him something I know he really wanted. Luckily for me he found a book that he really wanted, the cover looked stunning so I ordered that for him. 

After that we headed back home, stopped off to get some snacks, managed to lose a twenty year old in a supermarket and then headed back to chummys. We had the most perfect night, sitting in her garden with a few drinks and just having a good chat. This was the highlight of the week, I got to send the night with two of the most special and down to earth humans. If you want to see more about that then please click the picture below.


Friday 10th | 
I had a very relaxed day on Friday. I basically spent the whole day in pyjamas watching once upon a time. I managed to finish series 2 and now I'm a few episodes into series 3. Oh I popped out to get wrapping paper and bows for L's book, got the new Tom Odell album and a card for the women at works birthday. Oh I also saw my aunt, that was about it for the day I think.

Saturday 11th |
We had been planning a night out for a while. In fact me, chummy and the guy from work had been planning this for a while. He said he was still up for it but after messaging him a few times, having no reply we finally got the hint that he just didn't want to come. Like I don't care if you don't want to come out, that's fine but at least tell us. Anyway I spent most of the day getting ready and then went to chummys at about 4:30pm. When I got there I was also told that L was coming round, he wasn't drinking or coming out clubbing but it was nice to see him. Now because I hadn't eaten much I got drunk a lot quicker. That meant round chummys I was already drunk, sorry guys. I also fell in love with her cat. She has three but this one actually let me stroke him and cuddle him. Now unfortunately my allergies didn't like him as much, oh well I still continued to cuddle him. 

It was fun when we went out but I found myself having little mini panic attack, I must have looked quite calm on the outside but I was so scared. I just felt really vulnerable and just a bit out of place. Ohh the guy, no not the d*ck that's been on my mind last week, the one I got the no from, the guy. My entire world. Well I added him on Facebook (I do silly things while drunk okay), like I added him on the way to the station and when we got to the club I got a little notification that said he accepted. I know I said oh I'm over him, yeah that's true in the sense that I know nothing will ever happen. Of course I know that but for me he was it. Yeah we didn't have a relationship but I know what I felt for him and well, that's what everyone else is following. No one will come close to him and I know that, I'm just so happy that I have this connection with him now. Like he used to be my entire world and I've missed him, I think chummy is worried that all these feelings will come back, chummy they never really left. They just sort of settled, like I'm not delusional I know this doesn't mean we'll run off into the sunset and live happily ever after. 

I'm so happy that he is settled and in love, its just so nice to have that little connection with him now. This is someone who knew every little detail about me, knew my dreams and my plans and the one person who believe in me. I'm in such a little happy place because of that, so not that you'll read this but you have made me feel so happy. The happiness I got everyday just seeing that smile, I haven't been this genuinely happy in months and as terrible as it is. You will always be my one pure source of happiness. Also chummy I know I've been really happy lately but its like an all consuming happiness that I've just missed a little. Like yes I've been super happy when we go on our crazy little adventures don't worry. You and L are now my new source of all consuming happiness, its just nice to be taken back to that time if that makes sense.

Sunday 12th |
I spent my Sunday laying in bed watching once upon a time and then the other half of my day writing. I've got back my little passion when over the last few months my minds been so focused on someone that I've lost the drive for the thing I love in life. Yesterday made me realise that this guy from the bowling/shopping trip was nothing in comparison. I know who I'm looking for in life and until I meet that person who comes as close to the first guy, well I'm just going to let life take me on this little adventure. He appeared out of the blue and it was the most amazing time. All these little distractions that I've been using to try and cover that I'm still a little numb from that, turns out I just needed to know that I still had that little connection to finally realise that its okay. Its okay for me to just take my time in life, why rush something when maybe life just waiting for me to stumble across someone who will end up being my entire world again.

So that's what happened last week. I hope you enjoyed reading that extremely long post.

Sunday, 12 June 2016

Drunk chat |

Hello lovelies,
Drunk chat for you today. As I'm typing this I am extremely drunk, now I don't condone this type of behaviour but I feel like it's okay once in a while to let your hair down.

Today, well I found that on the way back from the toilets I found myself having a mini panic attack. On the outside it may have looked like I was fine but on the inside I was breaking down. I didn't know what to do and I was on the verge of crying.

Normally I'm okay and I really enjoy myself. Last night, well I was having a great time but then all of the events of the last week just hit me all at once. I felt very vulnerable. I went to the toilet on my own, I said I wanted to but on the way back I realised just how out of my comfort zone I was. Normally I'm okay because I have chummy's hand to hold, a little reassurance if you will. Today well, I just felt like I was drowning and it scared me to much.

I have a little tell when I'm feeling scared or anxious, I didn't realise until a few months ago but when I did I told chummy. I didn't think she would remember and it's just force of habit. I found myself surrounded by drunk people while holding onto and stroking my necklace. My little wishbone necklace, it's like my lucky charm even though so far it's proved unlucky. Now I was holding onto that because it's the only thing that made me feel safe.

Now unfortunately I feel like I really spoilt chummy's night, she wanted to leave. I feel partially responsible for that and I'm sorry. I don't know what hit me, maybe it was the fact that someone I used to be very close with finally added me on Facebook. It reminded me of who I was and its definitely not the girl in the club. I'm the girl who likes to spent the night writing, spending the night doing something she loves. Lately I've been finding comfort in a bottle of cider rather than something I enjoy. 

I don't know who I am anymore, I've let so many bad experiences over the last few months change me. I miss the old me and I'm worried that she's slowly slipping away. People used to think the old me was boring so I changed, I tired to be someone I'm not. Even though I do enjoy clubbing, that's not me. I have to get drunk to feel comfortable and that's something I should never do. I feel like addiction is something that may pop up in my life and I don't want to go down that path. I've forgot who I am for a bit and I just need to find myself again.

Lots of love,
Drunk Chloe xxx

Friday, 10 June 2016

One Day Like This A Year |

Hello lovelies,  
Yesterday I had the most perfect day with my two favourite people. The last few weeks haven't been the best but the time I had with them today makes me feel so content with life. 


Now I've had the week off work and even though I've been out and done stuff this week, well yesterday was just so perfect. I know this won't really interest any of you but this is something that's put me in such a great mood. These are people who only a year and a bit ago were complete strangers to me, that's only chummy. L was a complete stranger to me up until January and now he is one of the most important people in my world.

We went out shopping and I got nice new book that looks like its going to be amazing. Now we were going to go out to have a nice little pub lunch/dinner. Luckily we decided that it would be better to just go back to chummys. I love going round her house because her whole family is just so welcoming, you genuinely are made to feel like part of their family and that's just so nice. Now we stopped off at work to pick up some supplies for the evening, that basically meant a few sweet treats and some chicken tikka pasties. Oh and alcohol of course. After losing L in there and then finding him, then losing chummy we headed back to hers.

L went home for a bit and then came round later. Now we were sat outside in the gorgeous sunshine. Now earlier in the day it seemed like we weren't going to get to see that at all, luckily for us we had the most perfect weather. Chummy made up some pimms, not a big fan but it made for a cute little instagram picture. I had a cider and just soaked up the sun before L arrived.


When he arrived we all just chilled out in the garden and spent the evening have very good chats and a good giggle. We were also joined by chummys mum, I know her from work as well. Now the minute I finished my cider she took the bottle and replaced it with a new one. Now that to me is perfect hosting, she knows I like a nice drink. Now it was nice to spend the evening surrounded by the two people who have grown to mean the world to me. It seems so silly and if chummy reads this she will have a good giggle. Now I just took a minute to let in sink in that I have them, like I looked at L and chummy and just saw smiles that fill me with so much happiness. I can't imagine not being friends with them and that scares me. These are people that I haven't had in my life for long and they have already proved that they are much more precious to me than some of my family. 

Now something I found sweet was that L had actually listened to something I told him. I said to chummy that I had lots to do the next day and he wondered what. Chummy went inside for a bit to get changed, we chatted about it and he said "What have you got writing to do? You know for your blog?". Now I've mentioned it to him once but I didn't think he was actually listening. Then he was saying well its every Monday isn't it, like your what happened last week thing. Now I was curious and slightly worried that he'd stalked and found but he said that he looked on my phone when I was writing it the other day. We then had a little chat about how many times I actually upload. It was nice to have blog chat with him, even though I feel its something he doesn't really understand, he still showed an interested because its something I love.

So chummy, thanks. I know I say it a lot but you have become someone that I just adore. Who'd have thought a year ago that we would now be best friends. I'm glad we had that wand chat, this perfect little friendship blossomed from there and that you for being with me on my crazy little journey through life. I know you'll be with me for a while. You're stuck with me now. 

And L, well you are a little mystery to me. Someone who I didn't even know six months ago. You've also become someone that I adore. Your friendship means the world to me, guys haven't really seemed reliable and as we both know.....well most of the guys I get to know have turned out to be utter d*cks. You on the other hand? Well you just keep on proving to me how good a friend you are and I couldn't imagine my life without you now. 

Today was a perfect day. One day like this a year would see me right. No matter how tough times get, days like these will always pick me up, much like a big hug. Sometimes I need this to make me feel alright again.