Monday, 16 May 2016

What happened last week | May 9th-15th

Hello lovelies,
Last week was a pretty good week for me but there's been an awful lot of stuff going on in my head that I haven't told anyone. I had the most amazing time with my friends and it really made appreciate the people I have in my life right now and I want to chat about what happened last week.

Monday |
Monday was the most amazing day. Me and chummy went on a lovely little picnic and then met L for a lovely stroll in the park. Now if you want to hear more about that then you can click here. We also went for a nice drive, just the three of us. That time made me realise how lucky I am to have two amazing people in my life. It also made me realise just how much everything is changing, now that's fine but now I'm trying to make the most out of the time I have with them. At some point this will all change and as hard as that's going to be, well I'm just glad I've had the time with them now.

Tuesday |
On Tuesday I had work again, now it wasn't that fun. Why? Because I was doing a 10-2. I don't normally mind that  but lately my manager has been putting me on the lates every Tuesday and I much prefer that. I love doing the clapped news because normally it's me, chummy and chumster. Now work was pretty busy and it was just me on my own. That was okay but I just needed to get in my own little zone. After work I spent that whole night watching bates motel. This is honestly the best series I've watched in months. I finished all of series 1 and I'm actually pretty impressed.

Wednesday |
Another 10-2 shift, this shift went pretty quick but I was in no mood for work. Now the night before I dreamt about this guy that I met about a month ago. Sadly nothing happened with us and we haven't spoke since, it's been playing in my mind and that hasn't been helped by being surrounded by happy couples. Now I feel like mega bitch right now but it's hard for me to be around that, as happy as I am for the people in relationships it's still hard that I'm just the friend that feels like a bit of a joke. Would I tell them that? No. I just feel like I'm getting in the way, I know that no one wants a tag along and I've always been that in life. 

Thursday |
I was supposed to be doing a 4:30-8:30 shift but I got called into work early. Now I didn't mind but I knew I wasn't going to be in the best mood. Work was fine I guess, I mean nothing special happened and I'm annoyed that I was called in early because that meant I didn't get to see my aunt.

Friday |
Payday was finally here and that meant a nice shopping day with chummy. I got so many nice new clothes and I'll be doing a haul of them tomorrow. We had a nice breakfast and then a nice nando's lunch later. In the evening we had decided to have a nice movie night, that meant chummy and L came round mine. Now they hadn't been to my house before and I was quite worried, I just worried they'd hate my room or something silly. Now me and L are slightly obsessed with bates motel so we popped that on to try an get chummy obsessed, sadly I don't think that worked. I had such a nice night with my friends, I mean I feel like maybe they were a little bored but I had a nice night anyway. 

Saturday |
I had Saturday off this week and that meant a whole day of bates motel. I also had to get ready to go out. I was going round to chummy's to watch Eurovision with L. He hadn't met her boyfriend so she wanted them both to meet, thankfully that went well. Now that basically meant me and L on one couch chatting about bates, I mean I also spent most of the night resting my feet on L. He didn't say anything so I just carried using him as my foot rest. Now we ended up laying on her floor near the kitchen playing with her cat. 

After Eurovison we left, I was going to get a cab home but L gave me a lift. He drove round so didn't drink, that meant a nice drive home is an incredible smelling car and some very good car chats. Now we don't do anything just the two of us so I was genuinely worried that we may have some awkward silences, we didn't and we spoke about a lot in the 5-10 minute drive. I was nice to chat to him just the two of us, now this is the same guy I told I liked a few months ago. He was the sweetest and I'm so happy he still wanted me as a friend. Like he's honestly one of the best people I have in my life right now and I want him around for a very long time time. I have a friend that gets where I'm coming from on certain things but I guess I'm a little scared that I'm going to lose him at some point. Like the lovely guy he is he dropped me home and waited to make sure I got into my house okay.

Sunday |
Another full day at work and I got to see my chumster. I haven't seen him in a while and I've missed him an awful lot. He's one of my favourite people to work with, over the last few months we have got much closer and it's so nice to have someone who I can have no boundaries with at chat about anything. Me and chummy has a nice McDonald's lunch, a lot of giggles and a nice easy close. Now I had no plans for Sunday night so I decided to have people free night. I guess this week I've had so much going on in my head, as happy as I've seemed on the outside....well I've been breaking on the inside. It's hard for me to be on a constant hype. I always feel like I'm then one who needs to be happy, the one who needs to cheer people up and constantly make sure they're okay. 

It's funny but there's still no one in my life who can tell that I'm feeling like this on the inside. The only time people notice is if I'm quiet, no one can see past the fake smile and this week it's been so hard to keep it together. I've been feeling so insecure and so anxious but I've told no one because I don't want to be a burden. I've shared a lot and I wish I hadn't, some people know me to well now and that scares me. At any point they could walk out of my life and they have all of me, that's been playing on my mind recently. No one sees the real me and the fact there are people who now know everything, well I'm scared that they'll get bored. That they'll move on from me and then it's like everything I've shared doesn't matter. I guess its dawning on me that my whole life I've always been the one that gets left behind because I'm just not good enough. I'm scared that I've let people know to much, have I got to close? It's my own issue and I know it is but I find it hard to explain to people without sounding really pathetic.

Well that's what happened last week. I had a few amazing days and they really helped me take my mind off things, Monday, Friday and Saturday were my favourite days. I got to spend them with some amazing people. Another silly highlight of the week was that on Saturday I got chatting to chummys boyfriend about doctor who. She's got a good egg there, anyone who likes doctor who is a winner in my book. Now chummy you have two people in your life who like doctor who........that means you sort of need to catch up to us now. Just think of the whovian we can turn you into haha.