Wednesday, 18 May 2016

Money worries |

Hello lovelies,
I had the worst day yesterday, which basically meant me crying for most of my evening. Now all is okay now and I'm not really sure how it escalated to that level but now I just want to find this persons and surprise cuddle them.

Now today I wanted to talk about money.  Now I don't earn a bad wage for the hours I do but I'm now very bad with money. I used to be so good at saving but over the last few months I've been spending all my wages within a few weeks of getting them. Why? Well I've been having fun and as much as I've been loving that, I need to start being more careful with my money.

On the way home on Saturday me and L have a very insightful chat about money. Now he made a very good point. Now he wouldn't go out with us clubbing, I've now bailed on that because of the same reasons. Now he made the good point that he doesn't earn as much and he needs to save, now in our little circle of friends we all work different hours which means we all get paid different amounts. Now that's fine but at the end of a month I won't have as much left as others, he said sometimes he thinks we forgot he doesn't earn as much. Now that's why I decided not to go. After looking at my bank it was clear that I couldn't afford to go out drinking when I knew I wouldn't have as good a night. Now after chatting to the guy at work who was going to come with us, well he said about money as well. Right now we can't really afford and as bad as I feel I need to be careful. 

Now this month I've put £200 away in savings for Disney and I've also a managed to pop away an extra £200. Now I have about £50 left until payday and if I'd have gone out that would all be gone. Now that I've decided not to go out I have enough for my travel to busted, petrol to Harry Potter studios and maybe a chocolate frog or some peppermint toads. Now that means I'll have more money for the important stuff. 
I'm planning on saving £400 each month if I can but I have to save £200. The rest is just a bonus.

Now the reason why I've been spending so much is because I've been getting concert tickets and doing fun things that I want to do. I used to say no to everything when I was younger. That meant I'd get left out a lot and I guess I'm scared that if I don't go out then I'll become the boring friend. Sometimes I'm spending money on things that I don't want to do, clubbing being one of them. Now I love clubbing but in a group, I don't mind it just two people but sometimes I feel like I'm just getting in the way or that I'll be to annoying for the other person. Last week I had three amazing days that were either really cheap or three. That was just me spending time with my friends, that was free and I had the most amazing three days.

This is the first thing I've bailed on and I feel so guilty for it. Like my dad made a good point a few days ago and it's been playing on my mind. When I go clubbing I go out to get drunk, doing that in putting myself into a vulnerable position and putting myself at risk. Yes I like a drink but I'm going out to spend loads of something that will stay in my system for a few hours. I guess I'm scared that I'm maybe starting to see alcohol as a solution to a bad day. Like I like a drink of course I do but I don't drink to get drunk, clubbings different. I feel uncomfortable in a club so I have to get drunk to feel okay. Like I love it when I'm there and having fun but I don't want to do that all the time. Especially when I'm not feeling it, I have to be in the right state of mind to go out and this week in just not feeling it. There's a lot going on and I just want my friends, and nights in having fun because it's taking my mind off it all.

I don't regret spending my money lately, I've been doing the most amazing things and making memories with my friends. Adele being one of them. My ticket for adele was expensive but I had the most phenomenal night. Now if I say no to going out I feel guilty, I have to say no at some point and as bad as I feel I just can't afford to waste money when I'm not feeling it. Most of the time I'm up for clubbing but I guess I just don't want to feel like I'm in the way, I don't want to waste money when I know I'm going to feel uncomfortable for the night.

I guess money is really stressing me out right now. Would I tell people that? No. I just feel like I need to cut back a little, if I know I'm going to have an amazing night then I'll go, if not well I'm going to have to say no. One person I know says no to almost everything and I now understand how annoying it must be for him when we nag him. So L I'm sorry if I moan that you bail on plans, I get it and I'm not going to try and make you go out if you don't want to. Anyway that's about it for me today.

Lots of love,

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