Thursday, 7 April 2016

2 years of Professional daydreamer |

Hello lovelies,
Today I had a massive post in mind. I had it all planned out and I was excited about it. Now, well I just wanted to chat to you all. 



This Saturday will mean I've had my little blog for 2 years. That seems crazy and I'm so proud of how far I've come over the last two years. My blog isn't successful but I feel like my life is finally starting to look better. Over the last two years behind the scenes of my blog I've handled heart break, self harm, new jobs, making new friends and my family slowly falling apart. 

The last two years have thrown a lot at me but I'm finally in such an good place in my life. I'm over the heartbreak and seeing it for what it was, it was a drop in the ocean compared to now. I don't regret it though, because of having that little heartbreak, it's prepared me for now. Because I'm over him I've now found that I'm more willing to go out and meet new people. I've had a few crushes over the last few months but they're nothing, in my head and my heart they were tiny things that I got carried away with. 

In the last two years my blog has been the only thing that kept me sane in this crazy little world I live in. It's silly how some code on a webpage can mean so much. That's all it is, it just code and some writing but this has been like a little place that I've gone to escape. You have all been the most supportive reader's I could have hoped for. I feel connected to you all even though I've never met you. Just by reading my blog you automatically make me so happy. I know there are plenty more blogs out there that are much bigger and my better but it's so lovely that a nice bunch of you keep coming back for my week daily ramblings.

Family. Well over the last two years I've watched my little munchkins, also known as my cousins, grow up so much. I'm so proud of them, they fill my heart with so much love and I would do anything to make them happy. My sister, well we all know the situation. I'm done now and I think I needed to just cut her out. I understand that to an outsider looking in, that seems cruel but the issue is, you will never live my life and no one will ever know just how bad she is. This isn't a case of sibling arguments like it used to be, I'm scared of her now. Wow I've never told anyone that apart from my aunt. I now live in a house where it feels like we are all constantly walking on eggshells around her. Her aggression is getting worse and I'm so scared that soon she's going to hit one of us. It's like I live my own little hell in my own home, but that's okay. I have the best escape but a little more on that next.

Friends. This time last year I lived a pretty lonely existence. Now I'm going out a lot and making amazing memories with my best friend, or more commonly known know at work as my chummy. It's been so nice to have someone else in my life who is so important to me. She's made me feel so much happier with just being me and now I honestly couldn't imagine my life without her. This time last year I didn't know her, that seems like a lifetime ago now. I also have friend 1 which he's now been upgraded to. Since chummy is now best friend, there was a space at friend 1. He's honestly so lovely and he's been so understanding when I've said certain things. I also have the most caring bunch at work. In our department we do rely on everyone working together and I get on with the majority. I've found a nice little friend in the guy I work with, he's been the one I got to with guy trouble when I need a male perspective and he's one of the people I can have a good laugh with. I've gained a work mummy which is nice, she protects us a lot and that's why we all love her. 

What I want to do with my blog over the next year is grow it. I want to share my content with as many new people as possible, I feel like I want this to go somewhere because this is the one thing in my life that I am truly passionate about. I know it won't every be a success but I want to put more effort into it and really make it somewhere that I'm proud of. I would love to tell more people about it, I want to tell friend 1 about it purely because I don't like keeping secrets. Chummy already a knows because she found it, since she found it I think of friendship has got a lot stronger and we understand each other a lot better. I would love to connect with other bloggers, maybe have some bloggers do guest posts and then I hope to be able to grow my blog a little more.

I wanted to get into making YouTube videos this year, as my confidence grows I think I might start making videos. I have a video ready to be uploaded but I'm just nervous to out my face out there online. Almost my voice is horrible so that's one of my little worries. 

Over the last year I've put everything I have into my blog, it might not be the best and I know it has a tiny following but that's enough for me right now. I'm so happy and content with my life at the minute that the fact that I get to spend my time with my lovely family, my chummy and my lovely work friends fills me with so much happiness. I share my blog with my best friend and I love that, she gets to see the whole version of me because of the blog. I'm optimistic for what the next year will bring in my personal life and my online life.