Monday, 7 March 2016

Friendship |

Hello lovelies,
I feel silly writing this post but for once even though there are days when it feels like my world is crumbling down around me, I feel okay because I know that I have amazing friends that do their best to cheer me up.



Granted the guy I work with thinks and and my friend give of lesbian vibes, we are definitely not lesbians (I don't care if you are, like I don't have an issue with it just to let you know. As long as you're happy then that's all that matters.) but I think because I laugh and joke with her about quite odd topics. You see it takes me a while to open up to people. At school I trusted people with everything and that was the biggest mistake. They're weren't friends. They didn't care at all and I guess I'm very insecure and very alert to what I tell people. I did have to confirm this friendship, which I think she found odd but its because I never like to assume. 

For me I like to have a nice little group of friends and I think I've gained a lot more since I started working where I do now. Every ones just so loving and protective of one an other. Saying that I naturally was drawn to Shannon more because we share the same interests and our humour is very similar. I mean I feel like I can be myself around her and a small handful of people, that doesn't come naturally to me because the last time I did that I was just left on my own and the girls I used to be fiends with made me feel very insecure about myself, they would bully me and I think I just get scared that I'm setting myself up for that again.

There's one thing you should all know about me, being me means showing people the odd side to my mind. You see I have a dirty mind at times, which is odd but I think I like a good innuendo and I like my humour to play off that sometimes. I mean Shannon shares the same and because we joke about it a lot people think we are in so strange little relationship. That's far from true, we are both straight but it makes me feel like I'm doing the whole friend thing wrong. To be fair I make these jokes with everyone I'm comfortable with, like her friend I met about a month ago who know (I checked) classes me as a friend and I can be myself around him so I can joke and be silly like I am. 



I know this may sound really pathetic but Shannon has brought me out of my shell and made me realise that being me is fine, it doesn't matter how weird I am because I'm fine just the way I am. Shes also been  like my little agony aunt over the last few months. Everything that been going on with my sister she's been there to cheer me up, I opened up to her about the guy I was/am still in love with a little and she does her best to make me feel better. It just nice to have someone in my life who I can be myself with. I cant be me at home because I don't feel comfortable in my own home, I can be me at work and I love it. I spend half my time at work cry laughing because I get to work with my friend. 

I also love how I'm friends now with women who are older than me, like by a good few years. Its nice because they still mummy me but I get to be odd and just have a laugh with them. I know that actually care and I still think I find it hard to be 100% me just because I've always been made to feel like I was never good enough being who I am. I'm not sure what the point of this post was. Maybe its more a little thank you, I know I can be hard work sometimes but the friends I have now understand who I am more than anyone else, especially Shannon. She knows exactly who I am and accepts me for that, for some bizarre reason she invites me out to do stuff with her. I mean I've made another lovely friend because of her and I get to go to see Adele with them and in September me and Shannon will be running around Disneyland like little kids. 

Shannon, even if you get bored of me and we drift apart and never speak again. Thank you so much for making me feel comfortable being myself and thank you for letting me tag along on nights out and social gatherings. It means a lot that you actually take the time to see how I am and that you join in on my silly little puns.  I am fully aware of how annoying I can be but now its part of me, you made me realise that its fine to be me and you embrace my weirdness like the lovely friend you are.

Even though there's a lot going on at the minute, I have some pretty special people in my life right now. I love you all so much and I'm so happy I met you all. Thanks you for embracing my weirdness and having the deep chats I've needed.