Wednesday, 30 March 2016

Im back |

Hello lovelies,
Over the last few days I've been in the worst place. I spent the weekend mostly crying about how stupid I felt and I went into shutdown mode. I vented most of this on twitter and the response from all of you was incredible. I think for a while I've been so worried that my blog wasn't going anywhere, after the last few days I've seen just how much support I have. You are all scattered around the world and you all still managed to make me feel so loved.

I think some people start a blog in hope they make money, mine was started as an escape and a few days ago I felt like I couldn't cope. I shut off from the world and for a while I even ignored messages from my favourite human, I'm sorry for that but she knows that I just needed to shut down. I know my limits and I had got to a point where I just felt like everything was to bad to make good again. We all know the story of what happened Saturday and I was miserable because I thought I had ruined a perfectly good friendship. My friend was adamant that I hadn't and she said that he was fine with it. I wasn't convinced so messaged him yesterday in my break.....I went on my break in the worst mood and came back with the biggest smile on my face, all was good and I felt like I had my friend back. I was just so worried that I'd ruined it, fast forward about 8 hours and we were all in a group chat again and it was like nothing had happened. This is also the group chat I left because I felt awkward, the same chat he then added me back to later. Thank you for being the most understanding human and making me feel like less of an idiot.

Anyway I think all the stress of life had just been getting to me, I let stress get to me and I almost stopped doing something that brings so much happiness into my world. I'm really sorry that I was going to stop my blog for a few weeks, I thought I needed time on my own away from everything but it turns out that I needed you. You reading this now, because of your support in back doing the one thing I love the most.

As bad as I feel that I was going to take that break, I now know that you don't mind if I need to take some time for me and I really appreciate that. This blog is nearly 2 years old and that's quite scary. For two years this has been my everything and I hope that together we can make this something even more special than it is to me know.

I have so many plans for my blog, I want to take this somewhere and actually make a success of something. This isn't just a hobby to me anymore, its a massive part of my life and I want to make it so much better for you all.

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Tuesday, 29 March 2016

Bedroom tour |

Hello lovelies,
Today I'm in a much more cheerier mood. Yesterday my post probably seemed really depressing but I feel so great right now. I started the week really positive and happy, why? Because I know the answer to the question and I can actually focus on my friends instead of anything else. Today I want to give you a little tour of my room. My room isn't anything special but its all mine, the place this blog was created and the place I feel my happiest. Also I'm planning on having some film nights, well that's if my friends are still up for that after the weekends little revelation haha, so this is a little tour for them as well. Where I can I will try and link some of the products. 

So the main focus of my room when you walk in is my bed. I used to have a day bed which was single, much like me. However I have upgraded to what is now referred to at work as my "Big girl bed". The double bed frame was £80 from ikea and the mattress was also £80. On my bed I have a blossom and bird print duvet cover that was from asda, I think it was around £14. I have two giant cushions that I got from primark. They are so cosy and I do cuddle one of them when I go to sleep, what? I like to snuggle okay. I also have two Disney cushions and my sadness, Eeyore and Minnie.

On the headboard I got more little copper star lights. My aunt got me some of these last year and I love them, that's why I got a few more packs to twist around the bed. I think they make it look so pretty and at night it makes my room look and feel so cosy. The perfect little nest to relax in.

On the bedpost I keep my work bag and on this one in particular I keep my flower crown. I love a nice flower crown and I just think it make its look really cute.

My bedside tables use to be filled with crap. Like anything would just be piled on them and they didn't really look that great. Now they are clutter free and I love them. On my first table I have my LED star light, my rose gold phone/iPad stand, a salted caramel candle, a coaster and my cute little tea lights.

On the bottom of the table I have Disney corner. I have all my tsum tsums, the Disney book fold that my friends mum got me, my Eeyore ornament and my most treasured Disney possession, my princess jasmine lullaby ornament. I've had this since I was about 4 or 5 and I've always loved it. I remember the day I got it and its still my favourite thing I own. Unfortunately she lost the bird and top of her hand as you can see but apart from that she's still in okay condition.

On each side of my bed I also have two shelves. 

On the bottom shelf I have a selection of my favourite books, my shot glasses, my baking books and my little block that tells me the date. 

The top shelf is my favourite. On here I have my heart tea light holder, my pine cone stand, my little deer that I hang my bookmarks off and my lovely sunglasses. I can't wait to wear these, like I'm never normally fussed about sunglasses but I love these ones.

The pictures on my wall. I have two Alice in wonderland ones and in the middle I have my two pictures that make Adele's face. I am in love with the Adele ones and you can see them in the big picture of my bed.

Onto the other bedside table now and this is my favourite one. On this table I have another LED star light, a salted caramel candle, my tea lights, a little slate coaster and my gorgeous copper frame

In my copper frame I have my Adele ticket, confetti and my two Polaroid's of me and my friends when we went to see Adele. Its the perfect little way to preserve the memory of the best night of my life.

On the bottom of the table I have the shelf that holds some my lush baskets, the rest are under the bed. This is just a selection of some of my favourite's that I like to keep easily accessible.

The shelves on this side of the room have another selection of books, my Hermione wand, my camera money box, some cute fairy lights, a bird trinket bot and my little house tea light holder.

On the wall where my window is I have my little wooden clock and my chalkboard. These are both from Wilkinson's. As you can see, the chalkboard is my little countdown to Disneyland. On the hooks of this I have this little frosted glass happy sign from primark and my calendar which just has the days I'm at work or out.

My TV goes on a shelf on my wall and then I got another shelf to put underneath that is now the new home to all my DVDs. I also popped another star light on this shelf and then have displayed my favourite albums.

Now I couldn't do a room tour without showing you my blogging station could I. This is where the what I call magic happens. This is my writing space and I love it so much.

I have my mac which is where I do all my writing, I saved up for about 6 months to get this because for me this was the best purchase. I started my blog on my laptop and that wasn't cutting it, that's why last year I invested in my iMac and its honestly the best computer I've owned. I keep my camera and a little picture of me, mum and dad in a really cute little heart frame. I also have a little heart trinket plate that I keep my memory card on and my hair net for work.

365 Blog topic ideas book and my Disney planning book. These are currently two of the most important books to me, the first is great for ideas and the second is where I'm planning mine and Shannon's trip to Disneyland Paris.

In this corner I keep my lamp, my perfumes, a little trinket pot that holds my earring and my make up basket. My aunt got this for me on Saturday and I love it so much. Its rose gold and fits all my make up in it perfectly. I also have little pegs that go on my sprinkleofglitter poster that I have clipped my Adele confetti to.

Well that's my room. Obviously I miss out the boring bits like my wardrobe but I really hope you liked that little tour of my own little paradises. This is is the one place that I write from and I feel like I finally have it just the way I want. 

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Friday, 25 March 2016

Whats been going on | Inside my head

Hello lovelies,
Over the last month or so there's been a lot going on behind the scenes. Being my smile. As much as I tell you all and I tell my friend, well its like over the last month something in my mind just hit a big red button that said self destruct. I feel like its only fair that I keep you in the loop with everything. 

So even though this month has been very exciting, the excitement went hand in hand with a lot of anxiety and panic. This isn't actually anything I've told anyone just because I feel bad constantly telling people my problems when they honestly probably don't want to hear. Anyway seeing Adele for me was the most exciting thing that was happening, id waited years for this day and when it was getting near I found myself getting very anxious.

I'm not sure why if I'm honest with you, I know both the people I went with and I knew that I could be myself around them. I guess because it meant being surrounded by thousands of people, I'm not bad with crowds but the idea of being in a room with thousands of humans scared me a little. I was also really worried that I'd have to sit next to a stranger, luckily Shannon let me sit in the middle and proved once again why she's a very good and lovely person, all very good egg. If you can find yourself a Shannon I would highly recommend you getting one, they're great but I think very limited edition because out of the many people I've know, well its rare to find someone who is so caring and funny.

Its not just Adele that had me getting anxious, theres been so much going on in my head that its been very hard to cope at times. The week before Adele I found myself crying while making toast at work. Everything at home has just taken its toll on me and I bottle up emotion so it comes out in the most random places, for me crying is my weakness. It's the one thing I never like anyone to see because that's when all my guards are down, I become very vulnerable and it scares me that people will feed off that. I'm lucky that in work I'm surrounded by the most caring humans going, there like my little escape for a few hours a week. I don't like them seeing me upset or worried, I'm the person who goes into work to make other people happy but its dawning on me know that, well maybe because I'm always the one who wants to please others, I'm neglecting my own happiness sometimes.

I also had a lot of love stuff floating around my brain. I think I'm finally over that guy which is sad but so nice. I think I was just in love with the idea of him and what we could have been, sounds crazy I know but the guy I know pointed out quite plainly that he's just one guy, there are millions more out there who are better. That surprisingly helped, it didn't help that it came from him because I do have feelings for him, I know nothing will happen with him but its been bugging me that I like him. I always go for the wrong people even if they are right in every single way, to be honest its nice just having him as a friend because he helped me get over the guy that had a massive hold over my life, so thank you for helping me set myself free from that. I also like another guy who seems so sweet but I know that he's not ready for a relationship and I'm clearly not his type.

I've also been very unsure about myself in general, I feel like I'm getting in the way of everyone and their lives. I'm worried that people are only doing things with me to make sure that I don't get annoyed, I want to spend time with people but I just feel like I'm forcing them to be around me. I know I'm not the most exciting person to be around and I get it if they don't want to be around me, I'd rather they just said than feel like they have to. Even if thats not true its like theres someone in my head constantly saying that the people you're with hate you, its silly but I've been the same ever since I was little. Thats why I check with people to see if we're friends, they see it as weird but for a few hours its shuts this little voice in my mind up.

If I'm honest I don't think my whole mental health has been great this month, I feel like even though I show I'm okay on the outside something in head has hit the self destruct button and lots of things I don't want to think about have been popping up. I don't have a goal anymore, all my plans that I had for the future aren't there anymore because my life at the minute seems to be paused and I can get it playing again. I've cried a lot over the last month, at Adele of course because her music is incredible but there have been nights when I will lay there and just silently cry. I need to have that release sometimes. I don't need to have a reason but crying really helps for me, its like any random thought just pours away in the little stream of tears and then I'm okay again. I'm then ready to face the world again with a new smile and laugh for that day.

Am I small minded? A women came back to our department, I was less than pleased but its to late to change it now. I said something about a little task that made me happy, her reply was "Well small thing for a small mind". I was so angry at her, I didn't even know what to say. Am I small minded and is that what I'm showing to other people. I was furious at her.

I'm also full of spite, I don't like this side of me but its part of me. I could use my blog to show all the best sides of me and act perfect, I'm not. We all know it. I've basically shut someone out of my life because I know that's whats best for me, they have shown me time and time again that they cant be trusted. Pathetic apologies don't cut it with me anymore and I guess I can just see through all the bullsh*t stories and lies. I find myself wanting to go out of my way to do things that will annoy them. They don't like the fact that I'm happy so I'm going out and being me, I'm loving it so much. I'm going out a lot more and spending time with someone who I consider to be a best friend (I know I'm not hers but out of the two or three friends I have, well she's the best). This person has been the one holding me back all these years, living in a shadow is never fun but now that I don't care, I'm living my life the way I want and I'm loving it.

I don't know where this post has gone really, I've gone on a little tangent with this. This is basically the behind the scenes of my mind. I know ill be fine, of course I will. I think everything had just got to much for me lately, the pressure of finding a boyfriend, learning to drive, pleasing everyone and trying to do it all when I don't need to. That's sometimes the women I work with tells me "Stop trying to do it all, you're not superwoman. You need to learn to accept some help because we all want to help you". Shes one of the loveliest people on this planet and in an odd way her madness keeps me sane. I know I cant do it all, I've just always had people expect so little of me that I live my life always finding a way to prove that I'm more that what I seem. 

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Wednesday, 23 March 2016

Tattoo | Can I commit to it?

Hello lovelies,
Some of you may have seen on twitter that I had booked my tattoo. Fast forward a few days and I've just cancelled it. Why? It isn't because I'm scared of the pain, I have a very high pain threshold but over the weekend I've been having a lot of doubts. Much the point where I was looking at laser tattoo removals. I was looking with the mind of well if I don't like it then I can just get rid of it.

That seemed so silly, I love tattoos but am I ready to mark my skin for the rest of my life. At Adele there was confetti and one piece said hello in Adele's handwriting. I love the song, Adele and I wanted a memory from the tour. I planned to get that exact word in her handwriting tattooed on my wrist, I drew it on in sharpie and everything to see if I liked it. The truth is I loved it. I really did. I booked my appointment which would have been in about three weeks but over the weekend I've been regretting the decision already. As much as I love it I don't think I can commit to it on my wrist for the rest of my life.

I have never really wanted a tattoo until about a year ago. I would love to get a little dream catcher on my arm, partly because I think it represents me and this blog very well. However I think I made the decision about this tattoo very fast, I saw something I wanted and was adamant that I was going to get it. Even though I love it I think I would have regretted it because I didn't think about it it much, if anything it was just to say I had one. Most of my friends have tattoos and they love theirs, I just want to wait for the time when I have my heart set on it and I've thought it through a lot more. The fact that I was already looking at removals when no ink had even touched my skin was a clear sign that I was not ready to commit to one design for the rest of my life. 

I think for me its a commitment that I think through and maybe at this moment in my life I'm not ready of rotate. if I'm honest with you my mind has been in overdrive this month, I haven't told anyone and I think I need to do a post about it soon because even though I'm happy on the outside I've been in almost self destruct mode over the last few months. Getting a tattoo now would have been nice but something I wouldn't have been happy about. I even took to twitter to ask for advice and a lot of people said that if my heart wasn't in it, don't get it. I think the issue is that I made snap decision without thinking them through, I'm someone who has to have a routine because if I don't then I get stressed and very anxious. Ive been out of my routine this month and all the stress has led me to maybe make some choices that I'm not 100% happy with.

Anyway that was whats been happening over the weekend. I know that my dad will be very pleased that I'm not getting it, its not because of him its just I need to be 100% sure its what I want before I commit to it for the rest of my life.

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Tuesday, 22 March 2016

10 Things to do on a rainy day |

Hello lovelies,
Today I wanted to write a little post about my top 10 things to do on a rainy day. I love ready blog posts like this and I really hope you enjoy it.

Write blog posts |
If I'm stuck inside and its pouring down outside then I take the time to write a lot of blog posts. Now this wont be for everyone, partly because not all of you lovely lot have a blog. However I find so nice to just sit down at my computer and get some writing done. It doesn't actually have to be blog posts, I've spent many a rainy day writing for my book.

Read a book |
I love a good book but I find that I don't get that much spare time to sit down and read. I like to pick a good book, put on a really baggy jumper (Not that many of my clothes are baggy) and curl up on the couch or on my bed and get lost in someone else's made up world. Its the perfect way to escape reality. I love a good romance novel, partly because I wish that I could live in the book and be the character.

Have a film day |
This is one that can be done alone or with friends, normally a best friend. I don't have any friends let alone a best friend (Unfortunately) that would want a movie day at my house so I tend to have movie days on my one. I like to make the most out of these by snuggling into my bed, in a little fort of my pillows and putting on a good Disney film. If I'm having a bad day then I go for Hot Fuzz, the one film that I know all the words to.

Bake |
There's nothing better than baking a nice batch of cookies or a lovely cake while the rain is pouring down outside. I love it because it makes me feel really at home and like I've done something nice. Also the smell of baking is just my idea of heaven so I always like to combine my baking days with a rainy day.

Tidy your room |
This may sound like a really mundane and boring task but when I can't go out I get the urge to sort out and tidy my room. Granted it takes me a good few days to actually finish tidying it but it feels so rewarding when its done. Theres nothing better than actually being able to see the floor in my room and not have to kick a path to my bed. 

Have a pamper day |
Run yourself a nice hot bath, pop a bath bomb in and then sit back and relax. On pamper days I treat myself to several lush products, paint my nails and just have a really chilled out day. I also like to make sure I put a nice hair mask on. I think it does my horrible hair some good and it makes it feel really healthy.

Listen to music |
I am one of those weird people that like sitting watching the rain pour, whilst listening to one of my favourite albums. That means I will always have my Adele albums at the ready and I always have to listen to my favourite ever song......if you know what it is then 30 points to your Hogwarts house. Its somewhere only we know by Keane, the first song that I really connected with and the one that holds my most special memory for.

Go for a walk |
Yep, that's right go for a walk. Am I the only one that loves going for walks in the rain. I love just escaping the house and walking in the rain. It just seems so relaxing and I cant really work out why. I think its because I like going out, getting soaked and then being able to come home in the warm and get my pyjamas on, grab a cup of tea and settle down with a good book.

Youtube |
I have been know to just lay in my bed all day and binge on youtube videos. I once spent a whole day watching sorted food. It was the best day, why? Because I got to be all snuggled in my bed, I had my tea and my bedroom was pitch black. That was my idea of heaven, I also love to spend the day watching sprinkleofglitter videos. That's a day well spent in my opinion.

Text or call a friend |
As silly as it sounds one of my favourite things to do is to text my friend. To be honest if anyone ever saw our conversations then that would be be terribly embarrassing but I love having a good chat with her. She's one of the few people I have no boundaries with now, like she knows quite literally everything about me so I can talk to her about anything, no matter how odd it gets. For me its nice to be tucked up in bed, film on in the background and texting one of my favourite humans.

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Monday, 21 March 2016

Hello spring |

 Hello lovelies, 
Its officially spring now and I couldn't be happier. As much as I love the cold winter months, I was getting a little bored of wearing a coat or a jumper. Spring time for me is so lovely, I feel like at this point in the year I've already made the worst decisions so normally this means I can start a fresh and really focus.

So here are the bits I love about spring, these are just little bits and bobs but its what I like most about it. I hope you enjoy reading it. Let me know in the comments what your favourite thing about spring is.

Nature | 

As much as I love watching the leaves fall of the trees, turing into a crunchy little adventure under my feet, I love watching everything blossom. Everything just has new life and its so interesting to me, just to watch over the course of a few weeks or months the blossom turn into gorgeous flowers. Our family might just be really lazy but the spring is the time when my dad gets out the lawn mower, the sight of freshly cut grass is so satisfying for me. Its at this time of year when my hay fever isn't that bad so I can enjoy the nature, the smell of freshly cut grass, the blossom on the trees and early mornings that I can hear the birds chirping away.

Summers on the way |

Even though summer isn't my favourite time of year, spring means its finally on the way. For me summer reminds me of the memories I made when I was little, me, my aunt and uncle and my little cousins. During the summer my cousins are free from school for six weeks, that means if I can drag them away from their games consoles, we can go out on little adventures. Last year we had a beach day, we went to the park, the arcades and we just had the most amazing time. Time with these three not so little anymore humans is my favourites. My cousins (The three children of my mums sister) are more like sisters and a brother to me. Because I'm that little bit older I feel really protective over them. I love spending the summer with them in the pool, going out and really getting to know them more. That sounds silly but they're changing everyday and I love talking to the young adults they've become and I love spending time acting like a child with my five year old cousin. 

Longer days | 

Soon the clocks will go forward and even though that means for one day we get an hour less in bed, it also means that the sun will shine outside for longer and it will feel really nice again. I don't know if anyone else feels like this, but when its still light until 9 I feel like its really time to just relax. I like going for walks when it should be dark, its lighter earlier and darker much later. It feel like we get so much more from each day and I love it.

The sun |

Even thought the sun makes an appearance over winter, spring is the time when we really start to feel the benefits. I love walking to work in just my shirt (Obviously trousers as well, but just with no coat), feeling the sun on my skin and being able to wear my sunglasses. I got a new pair last week and I'm dying to wear them. Somehow I don't think they'll look as good with my snazzy red work uniform but I think I can make it work. This also means that pub lunches in cute beer gardens are acceptable, I want to go out with my friends and just have a nice time. Make some memories with the people I love the most.

Florals |

I am a big fan of floral clothing but I don't think everyone shares this love. In spring I think its actually acceptable to start wearing my floral clothes, there's nothing more satisfying than putting on my favourite floral shirt, a pair of skinny jeans (I don't buy them, normal jeans just cling to my thighs so I class that as skinny) and a nice pair of sandals. I also have a floral kimono, I don't think anyone else likes it but I think its just so pretty. That will definitely be worn a few times this season. 

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