Sunday, 14 February 2016

It's valentines day | I don't know how I'm feeling

Hello lovelies,
So today's the day I've been dreading. You all know why I don't really like valentines day and I'm sorry if you love it. I just find it very difficult to see everyone else around me all loved up, I'm happy for them but then its like I'm mourning a love that I never got to be with. 

It sucks and today I'm just going to spend it doing what I love most. I can't really even text people today because they are either at work or all loved up. So what am I actually doing today? Well I got myself Bridget Jones diary 1 and 2, so I shall be making myself into a duvet burrito and spending the entire day snuggled in my bed. My mum and dad go out on Sunday mornings and my sister will be at work so I've got a little phone call with Lou planned, I think it will do me good to chat with a friend instead of feeling sorry for myself.

Its really hard for me this year and I think its because I'm surrounded by women at work who have their husbands or their boyfriends. I'm not saying I don't like it, I love being around them but normally I just shut myself down at this time of year but its hard not to see how loved up everyone is. I'm so happy for them all but it just leaves me thinking whens it my turn? I'm staying off Facebook tomorrow because I know my time line will just be filled with pictures of roses, Pandora gifts and just cute little statuses about what every ones doing with their loved ones.

I sound like a really moany woman but if you've been in love and are trying to get over someone, you'll know just how much it hurts. This weeks has been so exciting for me but its also been really upsetting. I have felt the lowest I have done in a long time and I found myself almost slipping into an awful habit that I managed to stop about 10 months ago. My head is just in an awful place right now and I'm still stressing that I'm going to spend the rest of my life all alone. 

Everyone that knows me well is always like oh why don't you have a boyfriend. Its not that simple, they see me know and they don't see my face if that makes sense. They see my personality but men see what I look like. I know not all men are obsessed with looks but its like all the ones I see just don't look at me because I'm not pretty. Whens it my turn for some romance though? What is so wrong with me that apparently no one likes?

Well I hope that you have a lovely day, if your in a relationship then great. I hope you have a lovely day with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you single like me then I hope you have the best day ever, watch some horror movies. Let just treat this like an extra Halloween. Right I'm off to curl up in a ball of self pity and cry over some films.

Lots of love,
Chloe xxx

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