Saturday, 9 January 2016

Why I write my blog |

Hello lovelies,
Ive told you why i stated this blog a few times but I wanted to tell you why I actually do it. I'm not a very open person with how I'm feeling, I'm more concerned about how everyone around me is feeling and I never want to burden them with my issues.

I started professional daydreamer back in April 2014. I never really went into why bit I was in a pretty sh*t place in my life, I wasn't in a great mental state and I didn't want to tell anyone. Starting my blog gave me a whole new focus and took the pressure off just a little. As bad as I am at writing, this is like my therapy. I never thought I could be the person who stuck to writing blog posts but I love it. Its become a part of me that I just never want to stop. 

Here's a little breakdown of the aspects of my blog that I love.

Social |
I have met some amazing people online. Lou for one, I remember the first comment I got from her and after a few months she had become my blogging best friend. We've been on this journey with each other pretty much from the start and its so nice that blogging has brought us together. Being part of the beau bloggers group has also let me meet some lovely girls who all have such amazing blogs. I feel like even though none of us have ever met, we have a strong bond because we share a hobby that means so much to each of us. I love getting comments from my readers, they cheer me up and I read each and every one of them. I save them all up and read them on my break at work. I find that after a really shitty day this helps me get through the rest of my shift.

Its mine |
Professional Daydreamer is the one thing in this world this is just mine. No one else owns it, no one paid for it and no one has a say in what happens on my blog. I'm the creator of my little space online and that's my favourite thing. Now anything that I do is normally outshone by something my sister does, just because she can. She doesn't have a clue and when she says how sad I am that I don't do anything, I sit back and think well that's your opinion. While she's slating me for my sad little life, I'm online writing and doing the one thing in life that I love. I know that most of the time my content is awful but this blog is mine and everything I put on it, well its just a random thought that was clogging up my mind. Its a bit like the pensive in harry potter. This is where all the thoughts and memories go, good or bad. 

No one knows |
Or should I say no one knew. A girl from work found my blog and I was so scared when she messaged me. I don't really know why, I trust her so I'm not afraid to carry on with my blog. I will admit though that when she messaged me my heart stopped. I felt sick and just burst into tears. I was just scared because my blog is probably the one place I can be me without worrying. I'm happy she found it though, she knows exactly who I am know and i don't mind. Luckily no one else that I know personally knows about my blog. I thought my family would have found out straight away, I have very nosey parents and my sister is the same. Luckily I've managed to keep this my little secret. Being the youngest and having a sister who is somewhat...shall we say challenging at times, I go by unnoticed. It used to bother me but I know parents love me, just more times spent on my sisters latest drama. Its the reason I've kept my blog so secret. My parents wouldn't really understand why I choose to share my life online but can't really speak to them. My sister says my opinions aren't valid when she's talking about social media. She thinks I couldn't keep to a hobby but I think I've proved her wrong. 

Therapy |
Like I said that the start, my blog has been like therapy for me. I'm not one for telling people what I'm thinking or feeling because I'm scared of people not understanding. There's at least 1 person out there who knows how I feel. I was in such a dark place and it upsets me that I let myself get to that point. I honestly had so many bad thoughts running through my head, I won't tell you what they were but i can never go back to that place, I have reminders of those times and I wish I didnt but you can't change the past, I just have to make sure that the future is a happy one. Most days are fine but sometimes I find it hard, I could slip back into old habits that I've managed to stop. This blog helps with that. I can sit and just write and write and write. Nothing needs to be published but as long as my mind is focused I find that its just passes over me. Even if I just write out how I feel, I'll read back over it and pick it apart. I find that doing this gives the chance to process my thoughts and take a moment to have them and then just let drift away. Professional daydreamer wasn't made out of happy thoughts and rainbows. I made my blog because it was and still is my coping mechanism. I don't tell anyone what in thinking because some days its so hard. I started my blog so I could escape everything, I don't really know what i would have done or what state I would have got in if I hadn't started my blog. I could have stopped it a few months ago because I'm in a good place in my head but this will always be my place where I can just be me.  Oh and just a little note here to say that I'm fine now. I get sad some days but I'm no where near as bad as I was, If I ever got to that point again then I promise you all that I would let you know because I know you would all help me get through it.

Making a difference |
I know my teeny tiny blog won't change the world but I think it makes a small difference. I will share everything with you and I feel like you all know I don't hide anything from you. I've had comments saying how they love my blog and how my blog posts have really helped them. The knowledge that I've helped just one person keeps me writing. 

I'm not silly, I know that my blog isn't anything special, It's a little raindrop in the sea but even a raindrop creates ripples. I will continue with this blog for as long as I can, it won't get much bigger and that's okay. I don't live a glamorous life and that's fine. At the end of a long day at work, when the world seems its darkest I'll always come here and put the world to rights. I feel like my blog has its own little family and I'm so happy to have you all here. 

Well I hope this post gave you a much better insight to why I write this blog.

Lots of love,
Chloe xxx

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