Thursday, 7 January 2016

Start of something new | I'm confused

Hello lovelies,
I'm posting this just past midnight. I couldn't sleep because I've got so much going on in my head. I need to get this out of my head and maybe this will help. So some of you may remember my post about a certain guy that I've decided I need to let go of, It's going okay. There's a part of me that will always love him purely because he's the first person that made me feel like it was okay to love myself and it was okay to think that maybe someone could love me. I've also been listening to Tom Fletcher something new for about an hour on repeat, this is sort of why I'm writing this "I guess I'm ready. I think I'm ready. I hope I'm ready. For something new".

I won't lie, its really hard to not Facebook or twitter stalk. There's a part of me that sort of wants to keep up to date with how he is, he's got an amazing future ahead of him and I wish him all the best. Saying that, I'm letting him go because the heartache is just to much for me to handle.

The point of this post is to get your advice. I don't know why but over the last few months I've started to see someone in a completely different way. I'm not sure why and its confusing me a little, I know that he doesn't even really see me if that makes sense. Like we chat occasionally but he just doesn't see me, like he just looks right through me. I don't know why but all of a sudden I've developed a bit of a crush. God knows its not love, it doesn't feel the same like it did with that guy. I'm just not sure of myself and what my brains thinking.

Ive got these dreams of meeting the perfect man. Here's the list of what is the dream man for me:
Likes Disney.
Likes Doctor who.
Likes McFly.
Likes Harry potter.
Brown hair.
Gorgeous brown eyes.
Makes me laugh.
Makes me feel beautiful.
Likes my quirkiness.
Wears jumpers (That's a very odd one but I like a man in a jumper....Yep I know its weird).

Now this guy ticks some of these boxes but I don't really understand why I like him. I'm scared to like him because I don't know where it will go in my mind. With the guy before I was sure of what I felt, I knew I loved him and to some that's odd considering we never dated. I just knew. Now with this man I'm scared because at this point its a crush and that's okay, I'm just worried that its going to develop into more in my head. I don't want it to develop into something else because I know nothing will ever happen between us, I know what he's like and I think I'd be setting myself up for heartbreak.

I don't know I guess I'm just nervous because as I'm trying to get over my first love, my heads just been thrown into chaos as I try to work out how I feel. I don't really know what the point of this post was. You all know me, I write whats on my mind and I sort of wanted to keep you in the loop.

As much as I'm happy that I'm learning to let go of my first love, I'm scared that I'm starting to have feelings for someone that just isn't right for me. Or is he? I'm so confused and I just don't really know how to process whats going on in my head. I'm saying how I need a boyfriend but maybe I just need to focus on me. I'm so worried that no one will ever want to date me that I'm putting pressure on myself to meet someone. I want to just focus on me but its proving difficult. Oh well maybe a nice man with a blog will read this and be charmed by me, clearly not but we can all dream.

Do you think I'm being silly? Ive got a very fickle heart but this has never happened. I either like like someone at first meeting, love them or just know them. Oh I don't know why my brain and heart have decided to throw this on me but that the current situation. I'm still very much single but also very confused about how I feel.

Right I'll see you lovely lot tomorrow, I'm reviewing an amazing lush product tomorrow and I cant wait to share it with you.

Lots of love,
Chloe xxx

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