Saturday, 24 December 2016

🎄Blogmas Day 24 🎄 | A Chummy Christmas Eve

Hello lovelies,
Blogmas day 24. The final day of blogmas. Now normally I do a little post on Christmas day as well but this year I just want to enjoy the day and have the most relax Christmas. Now I actually just want to chat about my day again. I'm sorry that this year hasn't been the best, it's not had the gift guides, the festive bakes or anything remotely Christmassy. I guess life's just got in the way a little bit this year. 

Now it feels like I've worked non stop this week, I mean I had my two days off which I was lucky to get. My chummy worked non stop. Now there were so many of us in today, both me and my really didn't want to see customers today so stayed inside. Now because there were so many in my manager decided that we had to clean where we keep the coke machine and syrups because it was filthy. What was probably a two hour tops job took me and my chummy a good 3 and a half hours. We spent our day sat on the greasy floor of our department, bowls of bleach filled water cleaning it all. We had the best day. We spent our day basically high on bleach fumes giggling about the most stupid things. 

To someone on the outside looking in, it must have just seemed like we had the worst job. Like we were being punished. It probably was a little punishment but we just sat in fits of laughter all day. I also noticed that the woman we work with kept in chuckling to herself when she caught us cry laughing. I think it's so evident to everyone just how good a friendship we have, even in the worst situations we still sit giggling about pointless shit. I couldn't think of a better was to spend my Christmas Eve, that's so stupid but I got to have the perfect little chummy day. With all that shit that's been going on over the last few months it was so nice to have a day giggling with my chummy.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Friday, 23 December 2016

🎄Blogmas Day 23 🎄 | Old Songs.....

Hello lovelies,
Blogmas day 23 and yet again another non festive post. Its just been nice to be daily blogging again and its something that I want to start doing more off.

Now for some reason a song popped into my head today and its just not left me. It's the type of cringe worthy song that only I could fall madly in love with again. Anyone remember something about you by Jamelia. This used to be one of my favourites when I was little and it just popped into my head out of no where.

I'm not sure why I'm just so in love with this song again, well I say that but I'm lying a little. Like the lyrics are just a little like oh yeah that's a little bit whats going on. Like is there someone who springs to mind? Of course there is. I guess for me I always have to have someone in mind to "like". To be fair this is one that's just always been in the back of my mind and I think its just a safe option for my mind. I cant ever act on any feelings which in a way is pretty good, its just nice to have that person who I'm like "right this is the sort of person I want". 

Isn't it odd the power a song has over you. Like I have so many songs that pop into my head some days and its just like wow I forgot all about that. This song has just been one of those songs that I'm like go my good god, I'm so happy I remembered it because it's a little song that has a cute little memory to it. I guess I'm just feeling a little nostalgic today. I've actually had such a good day and that shocks me a little. I think I'm actually finally letting a lot just go over my head and trying the approach of I come first. That's actually making me a lot happier.

Thursday, 22 December 2016

🎄Blogmas Day 22 🎄 | 50,000 Views!

Hello lovelies,
Another short post today. I know blogmas has been so bad this year but it's like work just won't stop. I now have just two more days in hell before I get two lovely days off for Christmas. Today just pushed me to the edge today. Its like everyone just irrupted me and work just got a lot worse. Saying that, I'm now at home all snuggled in my pyjamas. I have my fairy lights on, some great music playing and I just checked my stats. 

My stats are a slow burn, I really wanted to reach 50,000 by the end of the year and at the start of December I was so far off that. I just checked them, not sure why really because they never really change. Bizarrely I hit 51,112 views! I know that's still a tiny number but I'm so proud of that. It's not the biggest number but this is something Ive made all on my own and its had over 50,000 views. It's just odd to thing my "work" has been viewed that many times. If anything its my life that's been viewed that many times and although that's scary, its also very meaningful to me. I'm such a private person, well at least I used to be. I used to keep every little secret but now I tell the world every part of my life and my family get hardly any information.

If anything this actually makes me want to push myself further next year. I want to be a good content creator. I want to write blog posts that have some meaning. The type of thing that's going to help someone else. I maybe even potentially want to start using my youtube account. I guess I just want to push myself out of my comfort zone again, I've done it so much this year and I feel so much better for it. I guess as well because I'm almost at driving stage, like I'm so close to getting my full licence and that means a lot more freedom. That means I can go new places and explore a little bit more, I can take you all with me and share the adventure I hope to go on. Much like Belle "I want much more than this provincial life. I want adventure in the great wide somewhere".

Anyway I guess I wanted to share this little milestone with you all. It just made me a little weepy that I thought I was so far off reaching that goal. In fact with all the shit that's been going on lately, this little slow burner has shot up and has given me the push I need to actually try and make something of my little space online.

Wednesday, 21 December 2016

🎄Blogmas Day 21 🎄 | Tidy Room. Tidy Mind

Hello lovelies,
Blogmas day 21 and I spent the whole day cleaning. My room is always very much like my mind, full of clutter and things are new quite clear in my room. After everything that's been going on lately, I wanted to clear my room and my mind. Basically I've had a little spring clean a few days before Christmas.

I'm never normally one for cleaning or keeping my room tidy. I just see it as an annoying little chore. I just put it off for so long but it had got to a point where you couldn't even see the floor. It was my organised mess but it was just making me a little sad every time I went in there. Now I spent my day off deep cleaning my bedroom, re arranging my cork board and cleaning the floors. The cork board was the one thing that I really wanted to clear. I have so many lovely pictures on there of the fun little adventures me, chummy and L have had. That's all tidy now and it just looks so much neater. 

It's actually so nice to be writing in a room which is super tidy. It feels like such a relaxing space again, the perfect little space for me to focus on myself and my writing. I think I've just finally realised what I need and want from my life. I know I always say that but things have changed now. I feel like I can finally see clearly what I need. I need to focus on where I want my life to go and see just where I can take myself. I need to keep my room how it is, that sounds so silly but I find that when I have a clear space to work in......well a lot more gets done. This is like a little the most cosy little bedroom now, with hopefully the backdrop of some little projects that I want to start next year. Knowing me it wont happen but I'm so excited for the future now. I just want to have the most amazing 2017 and I feel like I'm starting to get into a little nesting state for it. I'm getting ready for the most epic year, no matter what I throws at me. I'm going to tackle it head on and make the most out of every moment. 

Tuesday, 20 December 2016

🎄Blogmas Day 20 🎄 | Not Feeling Festive

Hello lovelies,
I'm normally feeling so festive at this time of year but somethings gone a little wrong this year. I just don't feel myself. I think it's a mix of work and personal life just all merging at the wrong time. For once I'm not going to actually tell you everything. I'll tell you everything but some things just need to be for me, you can know all the sorry details or my tragically funny love life, just real actual life I need to keep to myself. 

Basically after years of knowing what I want, what I needed from focus has now had to be shifted. I'm trying to deal with it the best I can but I don't know how. I'm slowly breaking down on the inside, I can show such a happy little front to the world but its like I've lost a little part of my heart. Yep that sounds so depressing but it's true. That little part of me feels like its potentially been snatched away from me, not for definite but for now it's like someones stolen it and I can't get it back. 

Works also just pushed me to my limits at the minute. Same shit different day. It's just getting worse and I'm just getting stuck in a little cycle of work and no me time. I don't do full time and I'm not actually sure how well I'd cope if I did. It's like I've become a little robot at work, the fun's gone from my job now. I go in, do what I need to do and go home. 

I think I've been pushing all the wrong things to the front of my life. I've prioritised work and relationships over myself. I started to take care of myself at the start of the year, I had months of pure happiness and I've just let that all slip away very easily. I know what I need to do now to be happy. No matter what other people think, I just need to put myself first and do what makes me happy. My creative outlet is the one thing that I always have so much passion for. This needs to be my focus. I said I would give it up. Fuck that! We all knew that was a load of bullshit. I won't ever stop this, it's the only this is have a burning passion for. My creative side needs to be set free a hell of a lot more next year. Take a few more risks with it all. Get more creative in the content that I produce and actually try and make this a space that I adore. I guess I'd rather fail trying than not try at all. If I don't try then I'll never know the full potential of my little world online, who says I can't make something out of it......the chances are it won't go anywhere but for once I need to push this to the front of life. Like what my friend said to me, he said as long as a have the passion I need to try my best to make to happen. Try it and see. He's right. 

I hope that when I finally finish work on Saturday I can feel a lot more festive. The downside of working in retail means the lead up to Christmas is just non stop work. My best friend has become like a stranger to me this week. We don't see each other until Thursday and even that's just at work. I think that's the only downside to having become so close with a work colleague.......we both work in the same place so people assume we spend a lot of time together. I would hardly call serving customers and plating up food time together. We see each other but not properly. It's like there's just no time to see each other outside the work bubble. Oh well, I'm sure we'll have plenty of time for adventures next year.

Monday, 19 December 2016

🎄Blogmas Day 19 🎄 | Lush Christmas Range 2016

Hello lovelies, 
A very late lush Christmas haul today. For me the lush hauls just take so long. Even when I don't go into a lot of detail with them, it still feels like they take forever to write them. Luckily I wanted to take a full day for writing today so I finally have time to settle down, grab my lush goodies and write this haul. Like normal I will be linking all the products in the photos.

Candy Mountain | £2.95
The candy mountain bubble bar has returned for another year. This one still has the most perfect little shimmer to it, the most wonderful scent of bubble gum and the stunning shade of barbie pink with splashes of white. This year it smells like they have made the scent slightly most subtle which is slightly disappointing. I love this one to have a strong scent but it's still good.

Star dust | £2.95
The sweet smell of vanilla fills the room yet again with this bath bomb. This snow white star is full of blue magic that releases lovely little stars and the turns the bath a stunning shade of blue. If the smell of sweet vanilla is for you then you need this little star in your life.

Golden wonder | £4.25
The golden wonder is back again and if orange and lime is your go to scent, then you need to be getting this little gift full of surprises. In previous years this one has been blue on the inside with little balls of colour inside. A little gift you you and your bath.

Father Christmas | 
He's back for another year, still smelling like the sweet snow fairy. I can't wait to pop this in the bath and watch it fizz away. If I remember from last year this is green on the inside. This one is actually quite a strong scent this year which I'm pretty impressed with.

Pepping Santa | £3.95
The peeping Santa bubble bar is back and its still as cute as ever. This one is full of Shea butter so its the perfect moisturising bubble bar, it also smells like a mix of summer fruits. It's just such a refreshing little bubble bar.

So white | £3.75
The smell of fresh crisp apples is strong in this bath ballistic. The perfect fresh scent the put you in the perfect mood. This bath ballistic is one of my favourites. I think I need to be popping into lush to build my collection of these.

Mistletoe | £4.25
This one is a very strong floral scent. Lovely but not one I think will become my favourite. If you love floral scents then this will be perfect. However, this is such a pretty bath bomb that looks like it will make the bath look so pretty.

Never mind the ballistic | £4.25
This one has become my favourite this year. The smell of grapefruit hits you and its just so nice. This one looks so simple but has the most beautiful smell. It's also packed with cocoa butter so I know it will be perfect for my skin. This actually has no grapefruit in it but it smells like it perfectly, maybe its the mix of lime and banana but its just perfect for me.

Northern lights | £3.95
A returning favourite of mine and this purple bar just fills me with so much happiness. I love the scent of this one and the little show this one provides when it hits the water isn't one to be missed. 

The Christmas penguin | £3.95
The little penguin has the subtle scent of lemon and orange. It has to be the cutest little thing and makes the most amazing bubbles in the bath.

Shoots for the stars | £4.25
Shoot for the stars has had a little make over this year and I adore it. The vibrant blue with cocoa butter stars is just perfect for the eyes. This one has a perfect scent of coconut and always does wonders for my skin.

Luxury lush pud | £4.25
If you read these every year, you'll already know that this is one of my favourites. The smells just got better this year. It smells like the perfect Christmas pudding and is packed with pops of colour that make the bath such a little treat.

Santasaurus | £5.95
This adorable little bubble bar is just perfect. It make the softest bubble and makes the bath smell like orange. It got it mainly because its a dinosaur and I just couldn't resist.

Jester | £6.50
This one is very appealing to the eyes. The smell is very subtle orange but it looks like it will turn the bath a lovely shade of red. This one was rather expensive but I just hope I love it as much as the others.

Magic wand | £5.95
A staple of lush Christmas and its back again. They have added a lot more shimmer this year which of course I love. The smell isn't as strong but it still makes the bath smell like bubble gum which makes me very happy.


The magic of Christmas | £5.95
This lovely orange start is placed on a cinnamon stick. That's part of its charm for me. It just smells exactly like Christmas. Cinnamon and spice and everything nice. This is my favourite for this time of year.

Snowie | £4.25
I love this little snowman. It just looks so cool and smells so nice. Very subtle grapefruit and rose. I cant wait to see what this looks like when its run under the water.

Ruby red slippers | £3.95
This just reminds me of wizard of oz and Dorothy's red shoes. It also smells so nice, I actually get the smell of liquorice but I'm not sure if that's just me. I just know this will turn the bath a perfect shade of red. 

Snow angel | £4.25
This bath melt is one that I always have to have in my lush collection. This makes my skin feel so soft and smells like marzipan. Its actually my favourite product from lush and leaves me looking like a glitter ball.

Well that's it for my lush Christmas haul this year. I hope you liked that little look at the range. Now there are a few that I don't have because they were exclusive to oxford street and some gift sets have the exclusives. If you have a lush fan in your life then a Christmas lush gift set could be the perfect little treat for under the tree.

Sunday, 18 December 2016

🎄Blogmas Day 18 🎄 | Life

Hello lovelies,
Blogmas day 18 and I'm freaking out a little. Christmas is next Sunday! Where on earth has the time gone? I'm aware I didn't post yesterday. I had a late at work and by the time I finished I was just too tired. I wanted to do a little update for you. Just on a few bits that have been going on at the minute. 

Life just seems like it's been work non stop. I don't care if it is but whenever I go into work my manager always asks me to stay longer. I don't mind doing the hours. I'd just rather have some notice. Like believe it or not I actually do have a life outside work and friends. I do other things that I just don't mention to anyone. It would be nice if I could have some of my own life sometimes. Also work stress is getting to me right now. I know I said I wanted to be till trained. I've been told I'm being till trained tomorrow and it's causing my anxiety to go through the roof. The idea of a constant stream of customers is making me feel sick. I hate the till in my department and do anything to get out of doing. The idea that I actually said I'd do it was ludicrous. I'm aware I've annoyed people by now changing my mind but I just don't want the stress of that this week. For people without anxiety the idea of scanning products must seem like a doddle, for me there's so many different factors involved. Seeing new people. Having people getting annoyed because I'm not going fast enough. Having to ask for ID. Having to remember to ask if they want any stamps or if they have a points card. All those people in a queue just make me feel sick, the idea that I can't escape for a bit stresses me out far to much. I say stuff in the moment but the amount of stress that's going on in my head right now if just not worth it. Like I just told the checkout manager I didn't want to do it and she's fine with it, I told her how much it's stressing me out and she's cool with it. 

Friends. There's one person I've wanted to have a good chat with for ages and I've been having a bit more time talking to him this week. It's nice to be talking to him a little more frequently. It's like all my little stresses are just pushed to one side for a few minutes when I message him. Like no one else matters apart from him and the conversation I'm having. That's the same with everyone I message but for some reason he's been messaging me at the times I'm most stressed or annoyed, it just leaves me feeling a little more happy that I've had a chat with one of my best friends.

Family. Family time is something I'm just getting less and less off. I barely see my aunt and uncle now. That also means I never see my cousins. Because I work in retail my weekends as just spent working. I went from seeing them daily to never seeing them. That's why as much as I'm saying I want overtime, I also want to just have some time to see my family. Also I do 25 hours a week anyway and depending on how much overtime I do, it'll all just be taxed anyway. Like I'd rather cope on the money I'm getting now so I can actually see the people I love the most. I already missed them chance to see my other aunt and uncle this weekend. They live about 3-4 hours away and they were down for the weekend. I couldn't see them yesterday because I was working. I was meant to be seeing them for a few hours after work today, my manager asked me to stay until 5 so I missed my chance of seeing them again.

Coping with stress has also been something I've started to deal with a little this week. I find myself getting into shitty little moods. One minute I'll be happy as anything but the next I've switched. My mind turns black and I just feel so out of it. My little setup for when this happens is actually the best. I pop my fairy lights on, light my candles and pop on a good playlist of my favourite songs. I just lay in the dark and listen to my music full volume. It's amazing how about half an hour of this little cute set up can leave my feeling so refreshed. 

Next week it's the week just before Christmas. That means work will be a bit more manic. Luckily for me I have earlies and mid shifts. I've been very fortunate that I don't have any lates, much to the annoyance of others. I didn't ask for the rota to work that way but it did. I'm not even going to feel bad about it. That time in the evenings will mean I actually get to spend time my aunt, uncle and cousins. My three favourite little humans need me more than my job. My family will always come first. It always has done before anything else. I'm not going to swap shifts because I normally do most of the lates. I just want so time to be able to have cute little film nights with them or games night. 

Life just seems a little bit blurred lately. There's still something that's still killing me a little inside. Much to the point I haven't even told chummy how much it's upset me, instead I told the lady at work. My Tuesday morning 7 person has been the one who I've told how upset I am. How scared I am that I've given up something that killed me to do. It's like everyone sees this happen so much with me, to them it's just one big joke and I get it. It's just a shame that for me this is all real, it's my life, my stupid little heart and it's getting broken more and more. 

Anyway that's all that's been happening. I now actually have tomorrow free some I'm having a writing day like I planned. I also have a lot of life admin, need to go to the doctors and just pop out to get some make up. I know my posts seem like no efforts gone into them but there's other little projects that I've been putting everything into. Stuff I don't want to tell anyone about, not even chummy. That means it seems like it doing fuck all with my time when in fact I'm writing for the majority of time I have outside of work and family.

Friday, 16 December 2016

🎄Blogmas Day 16 🎄 | Friend 1 Appreciation

Hello lovelies,
Blogmas day 16 and is this festive? Not really but I talk so much about my "friend 1" or the mysterious "L". The friend that honestly means the world to me and has been part of my most special memories of 2016. I just wanted to do a little appreciation post for him. I'm not going to be giving details on him because that is quite frankly none of your business. You know all my business and that scares me ever so slightly.

Now I only know L because of chummy and my god I'm so glad we had to meet. We only had to meet because we went to see Adele as a three. I thought I was going to be the worlds most awkward human when I met him, turns out I was fine and just sort of clicked. Now I may send this to him just so I can be like dude, look I do care. Now he may think I was the worlds oddest human but I think he handled me quite well.

Now as much as I'm always like chummy this, chummy that.......he's basically on the same level as my chummy. I get very attached very quickly hence why to me, he's one of my best friends or "friend 1". My favourite dude for so many reasons. He's the kindest male I know. the funniest most sarcastic human (I love sarcasm so for me that wins human points). The one thing I love most is the fact that he is very honest and he is the best at keeping secrets. There's been many a thing I've told him, my little worries that he's kept quiet about. It's nice to have that little release sometimes. Just to be able to vent and be like it's okay because he'll keep this secret like the good friend he is.

Now he's also one of the only men that I know who is such a decent guy. Other men apparently are just dicks. I'm so lucky that I have a friend like him, he tells it how it is but is very caring as well. I may not talk to him a lot because our lives just seem a little hectic at the minute, however when we do talk nothings changed and I'm left with the biggest smile on my face and I just feel a little more okay with the world again. He's one of the two people I want to see or hear from when I'm upset, I think its because I associate so many good memories with him now. It's just a thing of I want to feel happy and I know that's what him and chummy make me. 

Anyway I'm not really sure where this is going. I think I focus so much on my chummy and not enough of my other favourite human. I guess chummy is mentioned more because we go out a lot so I tell you all what I get up to. It's not about how much time you see people, it's about the role they play when you do see them or how the change your life in some way. I have a little more faith in the rest of humanity because of L. He's there whenever I need him, much like a few months ago when I was distraught for one reason or another. It was him who was there making sure I was okay. Everyone needs an L in life. He's truly a little gem that's very rare to find, luckily I have him and I can't really picture my world without him now. 

Thank you L for being the most lovely human. The best friend anyone could ask for and I can't wait to see you soon.

Thursday, 15 December 2016

🎄Blogmas Day 15 🎄 | I've Become The Mean Girl

Hello lovelies,
I like to think I put the best version but the truest version of myself online. I like to think I'm a nice person. I like to think I'm caring towards others. That's not true. Its come to my attention that I'm a mean girl. I'm that bitch who makes people cry. The minute I found that out I just burst into tears. I've become the one thing I hate the most. 

My department gets on so well but there's a new persons. Maybe I've just been frustrated because she's new, maybe I'm threatened by her becoming close with everyone. I don't know. She's a lovely woman but for some reason she just frustrates me. Instead of taking my time and just helping her I've just been keeping to myself. I'll join in little jokes like everyone else has been doing but on Tuesday I snapped. I was told I'd done something wrong when in fact it was right. I snapped and got stroppy, something I do when I'm stressed anyway. My manager told me today that this woman went up to her crying saying she wanted to be taken off shift with me. I'm that bitch. It's killing me that I've done that to someone. 

I think I maybe need a change of scenery. My department is non stop stress and its a pressure cooker just waiting to go off. I have and I've hurt someone. As much as I don't want to be till trained I think its best. Even if I can't move departments I think I need that option to just do overtime somewhere new.

Anyway that's it from me today. I try to put across the best version of myself but I've turned into the mean girls I hated at school. I guess I've had to develop a thick skin to deal with a lot of shit but instead I've become immune to what my actions are and haven't even thought of how I've been with others.

Wednesday, 14 December 2016

🎄Blogmas Day 14 🎄 | A Million Reasons

Hello lovelies,
Not a very festive post but still a post so bare that in mind. 

Today I did something that was the right thing to do. I say today, this all happened yesterday but its making today's post. Basically there was the boy, I say boy because in my mind I'm still a love sick teen. I'm not. I'm a fully grown woman and he's a man. 

We'd been chatting for a while and then we stopped. He messaged me on Monday saying that he wanted to try it again, he didn't want to give up on something that could be really good. Of course that gave me the honey glow. He was making an effort and that meant something to me. I make a deal that he got one last chance, I wanted him to be straight with me. Then yesterday I found out he likes to partake in substances that maybe aren't allowed. Lets get real, it's what most young people have tried but it's not something I wanted to get involved with. I sort of stupidly said to myself well if its a one off then maybe I could see past it. Turns out its whenever he's stressed and he loves it. 

I think I handled it the best I way I could. I handle it like an adult which was weird for me. I said this to him "Look I'll be straight with you. I like you, I think we both know it but I don't think I could be with someone who uses drugs frequently to relax. I get that's what you want to do but please respect that I don't think I can be around people that do okay" Word for word and I think it was a very adult way to handle it. I know that I would have never been happy. I'm not going to be the person that's with someone who's always second guessing someone to know if that person is high on drugs. If you do that, that's your choice and that's fine but I'm not willing to get involved with that. My heads a fucked up place enough and I haven't ever done drugs and I wouldn't, if my heads a fucked up place what must his be like that drugs in his system. 

In the end he was giving me a million reasons to let him go and even if I wanted to try and make it work, like I saw getting into a relationship with him, I just couldn't put myself through it all. I've come out of this with my heart a little bruised again but its all good in the long run. 

Tuesday, 13 December 2016

🎄Blogmas Day 13 🎄 | Gift Wrapping

Hello lovelies,
 A little festive wrapping post today. I'm actually pretty happy with my wrapping this year, I love the idea of brown paper packages tied up with string.......*sings* these are a few of my favourite things! No Chloe! Focus. Right well anyway I wanted to show you some of the wrapping I've done because I'm a little in love with it.

Now chummy's gifts required some small boxes. The only boxes I had were small but a little too big. I padded the little boxes out with some spare sweets. Once I popped her gift inside I taped it all up.

I then covered it in the lovely brown paper. I got a big roll of it from the card factory, it was pretty cheap as well.

Once my box was all wrapped I used the stunning red glitter ribbon to wrap around the gifts. This was less than a £1 and just looks so festive. This was also from the card factory.

I then added this really cute little polka dot bow to the top of it and added a little gift tag. On the back of the tags I write a little hint as to what's inside.

After I wrapped all of chummy and L's presents I then made them each Christmas letter. I didn't like the pointless cards I got for them so I did them little heart felt message in each of the letters. I then folded it to look like an envelope and added some ribbon and bows to look like a cute little gift.

So that's a little look at my Christmas wrapping this year. I'm really happy with how it looks and I cant wait to see L and chummy to give them both their presents.