Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Little update | Driving

Hello lovelies,
So as you all know I started driving again last week. Ive decided that I'm not going to do it. Ive cancelled my driving lesson that I have today because I feel physically sick at the thought of driving. I guess I'm just so scared about hurting someone with a car. I don't trust of drivers because I've seen them be reckless when I'm out in the car with my mum. The amount of cars that just pull out when its not safe, they go through red light and people just don't pay attention. I just stress so much that I don't feel safe driving because my mind is always worried about the what ifs. I'm always going to see the negative and because I have a week between each lesson I feel like its to long to go without driving. I'm going to save up and give it one last go but on an intensive course. Maybe it will be better  maybe it will be worse. 

I'm a nervous person anyway and I just don't feel safe driving. Its a big responsibility to me and to everyone. I'm in charge of something that could cause an accident and I know I shouldn't think that but I do. For now I don't need a car, I'm within walking distance of work and the train station. Maybe if I can learn to let my worries go then I can learn to drive but I know I'm not a safe driver because I stress to much. If I'm stressing about people on the path then I could cause an accident to people on the road. I will admit that I feel like a bit of a failure but I just can't put myself through all that stress.

 My life is stressful enough as it is. My mangers giving me extra hours, which is fine but I need to priories work over life at the minute. I'm still blogging four times a week which is really suffering because I love my blog but it seems like the quality is getting worse each week. My main priority's right now in my life are family, my blog and my job. That and all the little stresses of life are just piling up and I can't stop them. Driving is just going to have to take a back seat, much like ill be doing in the car from now on. I'm an adult and I don't see why I'm forcing myself to do something that I hate. I'm not doing it for me, I'm doing it to amen my parents and everyone around me think that I'm capable of doing better. I spend my whole life trying to pleases other people and i need to focus on me. This is my life and my decision. 

I'm sorry to anyone who was looking forward to the driving diaries posts but I'm sure you can understand that sometimes life just gets in the way and I don't want to put pressure on myself that I just don't need right now. Anyway I'm off to bake cookies for tomorrows blog post, at least I'm committed to one thing in my life. I know this blog is the one thing that I could spend hours on trying to make perfect and I hope that one day I can do that.

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Lots of love,

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