Wednesday, 15 July 2015

The past 17 years |

So on the 26th of July I will be turning 18. It didn't really hold any significance to me, I mean yes I would be able to legally buy alcohol, get into clubs and other stupid things like that. It didn't seem like a big deal. Yesterday I got thinking about the past 17 years. That's a long time but it seems like its going buy in seconds. 

When I was little I had so many dreams for the future. When I 7 I was sure I was going to be a chef when I got older. For a long time I had my heart set on it. When I got to about 11 I changed my mind. I then wanted to go into architecture. Then I wanted to work in fashion in the development and making side of it because I loved textiles as a subject. Fast forward to 2014 I hadn't done any of this. The one thing I never thought I would want to be was a writer. English as a subject never really interested me, I got an A for my GCSE but I didn't care because I had no interest in the subject. I find it odd that now, I spend most of my days writing. I think my hobby as turned into something that I dream of doing full time.  

I don't feel like I've changed that much over the years. At times I still feel like the scared little six year old I used to be. Not knowing why I was upset but still letting it get to me. I know I've changed because I now do things that I would never have done a few years ago. I go out of my comfort zone more. I'm not afraid to be alone because I know how it feels to be surrounded by so called friends who made me feel alone all the time. The one thing that I know will never change is my tendency to over think things and to live in my own little daydream. I will forever be the girl who lives one life in my imagination and my dreams and gets snapped back into reality. I like it that way. I can live in a world that's mine, no one to limit me or to harm me but I still know the importance of stepping back into reality and being normal and living the life that I'm lucky to have. Its just nice to have an escape.

So much has happened in since I was born. I've lost people that I wish were with me every single day. I wonder every day whether or not my nan would be proud of me. I try to live a life I know she would be proud of, but I struggle with that so much. Not a day goes by where I don't think about her. Shes the one person I never got to know but know how wonderful she was. From this point onwards I'm going to make a conscious effort to live a life full of happiness and to do things with her in mind. Would she be proud of this and be like the kind and beautiful and strong women my nan was. 

I don't know what the next years of my life with hold but I cant wait to live them and see just where m life takes me. I cant wait for my 18th now. I'm going out for a meal with my family and I will be making my dad get me a berry daiquiri to celebrate me being able to legally drink, I drink now but I feel it will be different know that its actually legal.

Bye for now xxx

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