Saturday, 6 June 2015

What have I done wrong? | Rant

Today's going to be a bit of rant, I'm being selfish and this is more or me than it is for you lovely people. I just need to write this, whether I post it is a different matter.

Basically my dad for the past few weeks has just been acting weird with me. Now he's always been a man of few words but he would at least try to seem interested in things I said. Its like nothing I do is good enough, nothing I say is interesting enough and I've done something wrong. I get that some days you just don't want to talk to anyone, of course I do. It just frustrates me that even when he's just sitting on the couch drinking his tea, I will talk to him and he's either on a ten second delay or he just not interested. Now when I ask him why he's not listening, he recites the whole sentence I said back to me. I don't think he realises how much that upsets me, like you've sat and listened but you you didn't want to answer me. He chooses to ignore me than answer a simple yes or no.

I don't know what I've done. I don't go out drinking, clubbing, sleeping around or anything like that, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. I just know my dad takes a dim view on going out and getting drunk. I feel like he doesn't even respect me. Now my sister and my dad fight like cat and dog. There is never a day when they aren't arguing. She disobeys him at every turn. I love her, of course I do. She's got the guts to do what I wish I could get away with. What bothers me is that even after arguing with my sister almost every day, he still goes and has a conversation with her. He talks to her like she actually means something to him, whereas me, well I get ignored and when I do get to have a conversation with my dad. He's on a ten second delay and his answers are short and to the point.

My sister has always told me she was golden child and that used to upset me when I was little, I love my sister but it feels like after my dad had her, he did the dad type things you do with your children and that he cant be bother to do that with both children any more. My dad is an amazing man, I love him with all my heart and he has given us everything we ever needed or wanted. It just feels like he's given up with me now. I know he loves me but I just feel like I'm walking on eggshells whenever I talk to him. I'm just so happy that I have a fantastic relationship with my mum. She knows what my dads like and I think she knows it bothers me, I think that's why we have such a good relationship. I can laugh and joke with my mum and I can talk to her without her feigning interest and I think she does that because she know my dad just doest like conversations.

Whenever my dad upsets me or annoys me he never says sorry. That's something I've only just realised. When he upsets my sister or annoys her, he always apologises. With me he goes out and buys me food as some type of peace offering. Do you know how cheap that makes me feel, like I'm not worth an apology but a chocolate bar will buy my forgiveness's. I don't even know any more, does anyone else have parents like this? I know how lucky I am to have both my parents, for them to be together and for them to provide for us but it frustrates me that my dad is never interested in what I have to say.

I might not post this but I hope you don't all think I'm selfish for posting this. I just needed it out of my system and get my feelings out there.

Bye for now xxx

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