Friday, 29 May 2015

A puddle of tears | I'm only human

If you follow me on twitter then you may know that yesterday was a very stressful day for me. If you don't, then let me explain. My mum and dad went to see Fleetwood mac, my dad loves them and it was his anniversary present from mum. They went to London for the day and my sister went out. Now I went to leave for work, set the alarm but that decided to go wrong and the burglar alarm went off. 

Like I'm going to burgle my own house. Firstly I didn't have time, I needed to get to work. Secondly, there nothing in my house worth stealing. Now no mum, no dad and no sister meant that I had to deal with re setting the whole bloody alarm system all by myself while the neighbours thought I was robbing my own home. After frantically mashing things into the keypad I screamed several times and called my mum. Now what my mum doesn't know is that while I was talking to her, I was on the brink of crying.

My dad talked me through it but at this point I was really angry and about to burst into tears. Once I'd done it, I then fell down the last two steps on our stairs and twisted my ankle. Fast forward ten minutes and I was hobbling to work. When I got to work it turned out it was just me and one other women closing down. I didn't have a break for my whole shift and came out half an hour late. 

On the way home I walked while my head was replaying the scenes of the day. My eyes were filled with tears and I knew I was going to cry at some point. I kept it in though, I didn't want to look weird. Stress never normally gets to me but today it just didn't stop. The minute I got home I checked no one was in, went to my room and sat on my bed and cried for 10 minutes. I'm not even ashamed to say it. It was like I wanted to give up, everything that has been stressing me out over the last few months came flooding out. As I sat and sobbed I felt my stress go away. It was like my mind was this big bath tub and I'd just pulled the plug. I hadn't cried a river, more like a small pond.

I could have just carried on without telling you all, but to be completely honest I wanted to tell you. I'm not doing it for attention or sympathy. I wanted to share it because this is me. My blog could be filled with happiness all the time, but that's fake. You need to see the good and the bad and know that I'm not a robot that just writes blogs and posts them. 

I'm only human and I sometimes I need to just cry and sit in a puddle of my tears. Like the Christina perri song says "I can take so much 'Til I've had enough. 'Cause I'm only human And I bleed when I fall down. I'm only human. And I crash and I break down. Your words in my head, knives in my heart, You build me up and then I fall apart.'Cause I'm only human.

I hope you all understands why I posted this. 

Bye for now xxx

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